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PSA: You Don’t Have to Make a Decision On The First Date

Perhaps you’ve chatted a few days before pinning down a time and day to meet. Or maybe you exchanged witty banter for mere few hours before deciding to “knock it off with the pen pal stuff and do this in person”. Either way, while you can tell a bit about someone via their texting style, […]

Perhaps you’ve chatted a few days before pinning down a time and day to meet. Or maybe you exchanged witty banter for mere few hours before deciding to “knock it off with the pen pal stuff and do this in person”. Either way, while you can tell a bit about someone via their texting style, it’s never the best indicator of their whole personality.

When talking to my friends over the weekend, the topic of moving onto a second date came up. What’s the criteria that leads to it? Is it just having a good time? Is it the kiss? Is it long-term potential? A mix?

Some friends thought that it was as simple as having a nice time, good conversation, a bit of laughing and no awkward pauses. Having night like that, yes, I’d agree to a second date as well. Similarly, for others it meant getting a bit deeper and making sure the values and wants lined up. If so, a second date would be had.

Then we got into the topic of multiple first dates a week. I took an Instagram poll on my account to get a feel for how my other friends and followers felt about this. It was neck-and-neck for awhile. After 24 hours,

Let’s break this down and review the advantages and disadvantages of dating multiple people at once.

Advantages

You’re not putting all your proverbial eggs in one basket, I ebb and flow with this. Sometimes, I am only going out with one person consistently, but then after a few dates it fizzled out or we discovered it just wasn’t a match – totally OK but the time manager in me thought I could have been making good use of my other free time meeting other people.  You should also take into account, that until you have that conversation, they could be dating or swiping other people, too. I don’t believe you owe anyone (or anyone owes you) anything after a first or even a second date. You’re getting to know each other, you’re feeling it out. And besides, we all know ghosts are a very real thing no matter how great the date!

Maximizing Your Time! We are all busy, but we make time for what we want to make time for. I want to make time to meet someone I click with so I do. I might schedule a first date two times a week. Out of those, I might have a second with one or both the following week. At that point maybe all or one of them have been deemed not a real match for some reason or another and that is ok because that’s a part of this process.

You get to meet a lot of cool people. From TV Producers, Comedians, Architects and Australians, Fashion Designers, Pilots and Professional Skydivers – I’ve met so many interesting people in this last year. Most of which, I have managed to remain friends with if things didn’t work out. My network has expanded, as has my friend group and I’ve learned a thing or two along the way.

Disadvantages

Getting burnt out is a real thing. I have gone through waves where I was just so tired of getting ready all the time. That’s all I felt like I as doing: going to work, coming home, getting ready, going out. Repeat. While I was having fun, it was getting exhausting. When this happens, I make a choice to s l o w it down and stop going on dates for a while or minimize my exposure to the apps.

Some people feel that you cannot give 100% if you’re dating multiple people. I tend to disagree (within certain parameters), but I do see their point. If you are a terrible texter in general or don’t make time for them, I can see where you might neglect someone at some point. However, if you sincerely make an effort and aren’t over-extending yourself, it can be done. I talk to a variety of friends all week and I handle that just fine; getting to know potential dates is no different. That said, if you are forgetting details, mixing people up or confusing who you went out with where, it may be time to take a break at that point. I don’t just “date to date”, but I do so with a purpose which goes a long way in valuing your time and using it wisely.

When you meet multiple great people, it can get complicated. I’m open about my wants and what I’m looking for and usually I’m meeting up with people who are on the same page. No exclusivity right away, we are our own people and we can do our thing. IF you avoid that conversation and they are thinking one thing and you’re doing another or vice versa, what happens when you run into them on another date? That could be awkward. You have to be willing to talk about that. And, if you’ve started sleeping with someone, that adds a whole other level and another important conversation. My recommendation? Wait it out and don’t get physical too soon with someone unless you see it getting serious (if that’s your goal). And communicate! You want to be safe and you want them safe, too.

It’s going to be a case-by-case basis dependent upon your life, your goals, your personality and who you are choosing to go out with. My best advice would be to:

stay true to yourself
keep it real
be kind
communicate and
don’t put pressure on yourself (or someone else) to decide right away if they want to be your soulmate.

Doing those things can get you far in the dating world and may help you keep your sanity in the process.

Leave your feedback in the comments or find me on Instagram @thelittlespoon!

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