We come across so many people as we explore life, find new careers and so forth. In the beginning, it’s hard to pin point how a person will impact your life all together. I have come across some good humans. Some who lended a hand when I needed it and those who made me feel loved even when I couldn’t love myself. I have also come across people that have made me feel small, unwanted and unfortunately many times, have caught myself searching for a way to get them to put in effort. Later on I realized that is NOT apart of any job description I have.
Truth is, there is a difference between a disagreement here and there with a friend or your partner and a full on toxic relationship. There are situations that make you feel so frustrated that it takes up your entire day. Situations that make you feel unheard, disrespected and take away from the calmness you have within yourself. That’s toxic to me. Be careful of who you invite into your space, why?
- Your peace. Your peace is important. Quality over quantity. You can have friends but half of them may not want the best for you, the other half may constantly put you in unpleasant situations and the other few may be so wrapped up in their own lives they won’t even care what your life is like. Why should you get caught in that? Friends, dating, WHATEVER! Protect your peace. Choose well balanced people. Your tribe says lot’s about YOU.
- What you allow will continue. Ever tell a person a million times about how they have upset you and they just keep doing it? Its not because of anything else but mental maturity, communication and understanding (well unless they are doing things out of spite then we really need to hit the block button). Think of how hard it is to change a habit you have. Now think about how hard it is for a person to change something they see nothing wrong with. Stand up for yourself. Delete that number. Don’t allow it.
- Good human’s don’t make you feel like you don’t matter. Here’s the thing, we all have lives. We have jobs, families, goals. It’s hard to find time for things but we do. We find time for things that matter to us (re-read that sentence). If you find yourself in a place where you simply feel unwanted because a person isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated, then note it, accept it and move forward. Don’t dwell (and it’s hard not to). When you are done going through the motions, remember this: why be upset over someone who doesn’t care? life is too short.
- No need to ask for effort. It’s freely given as a choice. Ahh number four. You’ll notice I make this short because this really isn’t brain surgery. Unfortunately, we give so many people the benefit of the doubt. We at times, ignore the red flags, give excuses for them and hope that some people are really good for us. I’ve found that as I have grown in life, I learned exactly what my boundaries are. The goal is to be around people, date people etc. that make me feel like I don’t need to jump through hoops to get their attention (because for one, I’m not a circus employee). I know we all have things we need to work on but choose people that are a bit more well balanced, honest, respectful and give effort. That’s who you need on your team.
- Being unhappy can make you sick. Any bad relation has a huge effect on your body. On top of all the unwanted emotions you may go through when dealing with someone toxic, don’t forget that your body is feeling them as well. Those negative feelings and frustration’s cause immediate stress on the body. If you are constantly worrying and angry, your body is already on its own journey of increased heart rate, high blood pressure, anxiety and panic attacks. IM NOT DONE….there is also insomnia, hair loss, tense muscles, stomach pain, a week immune system, heartburn…shall I continue?
So, the next time you come across a not so welcoming feeling in your gut, the next time you feel drained trying to explain to someone how you feel and they just don’t want to listen, next time you are upset because of something another person has done recklessly, remember…protect your peace. I have found that in life, in friendships and relationships there is one common denominator and that is respect, awareness and communication. When you don’t feel that way, then revisit the relationship and ask yourself, do I really want to feel this way for the next month? Year? Two years? MY LIFE?