Everything changes around you when you process your emotions fully.
Its such a relief to sit with each and every emotion that comes. I have been doing it for days and even though I cry more often then regularly, I feel so good afterwards and so open to receive. And its so weird how this whirlwind starts — I will share my train of thought and feeling this morning which led to beautiful breakthroughs and clarity with my partner and myself, which is even more important (don’t worry about the details of the story just follow the emotions):
1. My partner is not calling me and its already 1:30 pm.
2. I am worried and want to avoid that feeling so I think up all sorts of things until I realize, Dunja, sit with the worry, open up to it.
3. Then I feel it. I start feeling I will lose my partner and she will die. That makes me cry, that possibility of utter loss in my mind. (this is probably some loss from early on in my life but now projected on my partner)
4. Then I feel I am going to die and I feel that. Its horrible and I think I dont want to die, because I have so much that I want to express in this world and I am so sad because I havent yet expressed all that is inside me. I cry.
5. Then I feel that fear of death, I feel it in my stomach and it says “You are good for nothing.” I cringe even when I write this. This is my mother’s sentence and this is her deep feeling probably about herself and therefore to everyone around her.
6. Immediately and naturally I feel love for myself and I even laugh because that seems so very silly that I am good for nothing cos I can name at least one thing I am good at — writing for example etc.
7. I feel relief, I feel ok, I feel relaxed. I like myself.
All in the span of 15 min tops. I call my partner, she is not answering. 5 min later she calls me back and says she was indeed sleeping. We have a very good interactive conversation (rare because I usually have monologues with myself), we really learn deeply about each other instead of blaming and accusing, there are some deep emotions and discoveries exchanged and towards the end of the conversation love is flowing, I actually feel open to receive love from her in the way she speaks about how she will help me move some stuff in the next few days — she does it with such dedication and generosity and focus that I feel her loving me in a not directly love related conversation. How much love could any of you be missing as a result of unprocessed emotion? Believe me its so worth it. Contact me if you would like to learn how and get some help.
Originally published at medium.com