Today We Dive Into The Role Model Mindset has Failed Us
Playing with my yellow lab preparing for today last night, I ended up watching the end of the bachelor with my mom and dad. Turns out, there were tons of life lessons that could be learned from this TV show, but one that stuck to mind is what not to emulate as a role model. The Bachelor manipulated an engagement only to drag the situation on way too long to ultimately make his new fiancé feel like shit only to dump her for another contestant.
This is a classic lesson that we can all Fail UP from in terms of basic lessons on how to be a functional human being in today’s society, which not many of us are currently. In this current scenario, the man has an ego that allows him to justify anything at the expense of the worthiness of others. Because he has a good heart, he feels horrible that he let his fiancé down, but he will never truly feel the pain he inflicted on this beautiful and strong woman because he doesn’t give a shit. Don’t falsely lead people into something that you can’t keep your promise and commitment too. It’s only going to make you feel like shit later on and make the other person suffer from being mentally and physically unhealthy. Now, the guy will have this moment haunt him for the rest of his life while the woman was robbed of the moment every woman dreams of. And the warm-hearted Bachelor will obviously take the blame and reassure the woman that it wasn’t her fault, but the apology won’t do shit. Relationships are a two-way street, and you have to put your significant other first. Or else you will strangle your own freedom to be a functional human-being and strangle their freedom of being able to live in the present being themselves.
Where is This Coming From?
This mindset of justifying any of your actions and positively moving forward was a quality that I noticed in a lot of people I looked up to and implemented in my own life. What I realized when I awoke was that I completely misread what exactly the quality was that I truly thought was benefiting myself. The quality I misread was an egotistical mindset that selfishly cared only about me, my own happiness, and my problems rather than caring about my impact and actions on others which led to making others feel like shit. The quality that I was trying to emulate was the concept of taking care of yourself before you take care of other people. The quality I completely misread that would have positively impacted my life was that when you are taking care and figuring yourself out, you need to go within yourself and separate yourself from society and people around you.
By strapping myself to “Me Time” with no distractions, I was able to figure out myself without harming or making others feel unworthy and then put myself back into society where I could be myself, make others feel worthy, and become a functional human being in society. Traveling is what allowed me to this, gain perspective, and become mentally and physically healthy without expensing other people.
Lesson For Role Models and Mentees
I used to think it was the cool thing to do to follow whatever someone else was doing because he had that dream job or I wanted to please the person I looked up to by doing whatever he was doing even if it was bad for my health. The same thing happened on the opposite end. When people started looking up to me as a role model, they started doing whatever it took to please me which definitely didn’t fit their values and they also couldn’t emulate my system that worked only for my unique, beautiful self.
I starved the freedom of myself being someone who I was not, while making others chase after something they were not.
The Mindset Shift?
While there are definitely lessons that can be learned from my past that were not role model worthy, it is really important to understand three things when you are learning from something good or bad.
- Just because they check a box that you want to check, doesn’t mean you should follow their lead
- Just because there are things you want to emulate about a specific person, doesn’t mean you should try to become them.
- Just because you are happy being yourself and are crushing it, doesn’t mean that same formula will work for someone else you are mentoring.
Once I found purpose educating others, there was no way I would use cheap thrills to endanger my ability to create fulfillment for myself and others. I finally shifted my fear from pleasing others to look cool to fearing letting my new friends and mentors down that had spent their super valuable time on me. The new fear allowed me to get rid of everything that was toxic in my life and preventing me from becoming the best possible version of me.
My biggest advice to those in high school and college is to get uncomfortable with people and engage in experiences in safe environments that allow you to feel fully alive and fulfilled in the present moment and create opportunities within your network to get closer to finding your own spark and who you want to be. Lastly, use the education from people you look up to enhance your foundation through implementing tools that will make you a better version of your own self. Make decisions for yourself! You know your beautiful self more than anyone and a true friend would want you to make a decision for yourself rather than please them.
My biggest advice to those who are role models for others is to EDUCATE your experiences and put them in a lens that allows the person to put themselves in your shoes. Let them know that they need to make a decision for their needs rather than your needs. They are going to feel pressure to follow your footsteps.
REGARDLESS BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO SOMETHING
- Make Sure You Are Mentally and Physically Healthy
- Don’t Set Others Up To Feel Unworthy at the expense of Finding Yourself
- Make Sure Your Actions Aren’t Intentionally or Unintentionally Harming Someone Else
Check Out Today’s Content
Learn About How To Grow Focusing On One Thing At A Time with Star Entrepreneur Deepak
Learn How To Focus In The Present Moment With a Role Model For The Youth Aalok
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I am so excited for what March has in store for all of us! Wishing you an amazing month free, fulfilled, and happy!
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Originally published at brandonlabella.com