Pamela Wasabi: “The first thing you can do is stop comparing yourself to others”

All changes happen at an individual level, so we can leave society on the side. Society’s doings reflect the common narrative that resides within us. The first thing you can do is stop comparing yourself to others. As a part of my series about “How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to […]

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All changes happen at an individual level, so we can leave society on the side. Society’s doings reflect the common narrative that resides within us. The first thing you can do is stop comparing yourself to others.

As a part of my series about “How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Pamela Wasabi. Pamela is an author on our relationship with food and Divine polar energies. She is a radio host, entrepreneur, and food psychology coach. Her latest book The Wild Woman: Nourishing the Feminine Soul, expands on healing food issues and eating disorders.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

My search for happiness. However, this happiness is not something that I was looking for on the outside; my search was based on feeling good in my own skin. I have a history of thyroid issues. It cost me to get sick to wake up to a world of possibilities and to change my perspective on life to heal myself.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

Yes! On October 7, I debuted my radio show, “Nourishing the Feminine Soul,” (airs every Wednesday at 11 am ET) which coincides with the publishing of my third book, “The Wild Woman.” Both the show and the book expand on awakening our Divine Feminine, which invites us to tap into the root cause of our physical issues. I specialize in helping my clients heal food issues and eating disorders.I’ll be discussing this theme through different conversations that have to do with wellness, relationships with food, and self-love.

Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self-acceptance?

Definitely! My thyroid issue was a catalyst in my life. I’m a big proponent that physical problems are result of unresolved emotional wounds. I can relate thyroid issues to the image that you have of yourself. The thyroid is a feminine gland that is here to remind us about balance and to speak our authentic voice. I can attest to this, dealing with my thyroid issues. My life reflected chaos, and I was not standing up for myself. I had to dig deep and start questioning. These reflective instances took me to realize I was living from the perspective of a victim, as someone that would say, “Why is this happening to me,” or “I’m sick and this is not going to change,” or “There is nothing to do about it.” The thyroid pushed me to slow down my pace and to look at my life in a more relaxed and graceful manner. It taught me to be kind to myself, no matter where I was or how I looked. Instead of running, I would walk. Instead of staring at the phone, I would take a walk around the block after lunch. Little by little, I started to get acquainted with myself, and I developed a sense of radical responsibility based on accepting myself where I was, holding my hand, and enjoying the healing journey rather than setting expectations and fixed goals.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

I can also share other astonishing facts. Girls as young as five years old start dieting because they are unhappy with their appearance. Also, in 2017 the UK released a study on British women where only 3% were happy with their bodies even though they had average height and weight. I can explain this as a complete disconnection to our Feminine Energy. The Feminine Energy, or as I call it in my book, The Wild Woman, is the archetype that guides us to connect, deal, and heal our emotional issues. In many cases, these are so severe that our minds reach toward destructive patterns to avoid confronting our more significant fears. Emotional turmoil can bring pain, but dealing with it can bring an infinite state of liberation.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

It’s your choice. It’s for you; no one else. You either live an abundant life of beautiful possibilities by accepting and loving yourself radically and rejoicing in life itself, or you can choose to live a life of struggle. Death is inevitable. We all know that, but you need to ask yourself what kind of life you want.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

We have to unlearn many of the conditioned mentalities that we have absorbed unconsciously through our environment. Most marketing, media, and social messages degrade the “self.” We have these limiting beliefs of thinking we are not enough, or unlovable, or not deserving, or that happiness comes from being with someone else. This is a lower-ego perspective. A lower-ego mentality is one based on fear. Bringing awareness to this topic is the first step towards transformation.

When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

Yes, you are referring to not confusing loving ourselves for who we are and conforming with how we are showing up. There is a distinction, but there’s also a misconception. Total acceptance and self-love of who you are, are necessary. Recognizing the darkness is as essential as embracing the light. You see, people have this misconception of thinking someone that loves themselves unconditionally has no issues or lives a life of “perfection.” That is not true. Embracing your life and accepting who you are is accepting your nature. You are an emotional being that shape-shifts through life, discovering new ways to see this “experience.” It is befriending life but also dealing with pain and challenges, and learning and unlearning concepts to tap into the essence of who you are.

You are not your mistakes or victories, your titles or your failures. You exist, period! You are life. It’s a journey. Love that crazy!

So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

This kinda touches on your previous question. One of those tough questions, and critical ones, is can you be with yourself? Do you know yourself? Can you rejoice in being? We ran away from our hearts by getting busy, spending time with other people, at the gym, or through addictions. Being alone, as in meditation, taking a walk, writing on your journal, or spending a Sunday with yourself will point out what it is that you are running away from, which is what you need to confront.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

It changes everything. I have an example that refers to this in my book. I explain it as having an outdated eye prescription. Bringing the awareness of self-love to your life is giving yourself a new, upgraded pair of glasses that allow you to see clearly. Life reflects what you think about her and how you choose to see it.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

All changes happen at an individual level, so we can leave society on the side. Society’s doings reflect the common narrative that resides within us. The first thing you can do is stop comparing yourself to others.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

Of course! The best thing we can do is be in constant connection with nature. Nature calibrates us, relaxes us, grounds us, and teaches us! I have a ritual that I’ve been implementing for the last five years that has helped me on my healing journey. I swim in the ocean for a mile every other day. I let the water and the swim teach me so much! Patience to rejoice at the moment, to keep swimming no matter the current or the thoughts that flood my mind. A walk, staring at the sun, seeking a sunset, planting a flower or a tree, and walking on the beach are other forms of recharge.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I love turning to Kim Anami’s podcast “Orgasmic Enlightenment.” Connecting with our sexual energy is also a great way to embrace life and our transformational creative powers. On another topic, I also recommend the book “The Tao of Pooh.” And of course, my book “The Wild Woman: Nourishing the Feminine Soul.”

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…

Stop reading nutritional labels on food! You are not a number.
 Learn to trust yourself and to eat intuitively. Read the ingredients, though!

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

My company’s slogan is #EatMoreBeauty. Eat what you are. Seek beauty in food, relationships, and activities. Seek the same nourishing energy that already resides within you! Surround yourself with beauty! #loveyourselfcrazy

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

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