Visualizing one day, sweet relief
Published one year after the day
My pen set the intention to slay
While swimming in grief…
One year later
I’m in sweet relief
6/2018
This pit in my core
Carrying it always is such a chore
This constant underlying pain
Nagging
Driving me insane
It just won’t fucking go away
Here to stay
Every single day
Tape it up
Mask it away
Set intentions, manifest and pray
Get so damn busy, going so fast I’m dizzy
Because if I stop, if I even breathe…
I get nauseous, and I want to heave
It was so damn much to give up
True love, that got so fucked up
A deep connection of friendship that dove deeper swimming in emotional layers
Defying doubt, defying naysayers
Powerful as fuk
Bigger than us
So much support, so much comfort, so much lust
Too much unveiling since and too much revealed, our fate is sealed
Gone for good
Feelings so stuffed now under the hood
He has let it all go now, and so too, I should
Forgetting is futile
Denial is inutile
Letting go meets wavering refusal
And all logic meets recusal
All hope of no pain gets lost in the rains
Empty feelings are the heaviest of all
I hope I feel more free in the fall
Healing does not run on schedule
And feeling the grief is fundamental
To growing past the past
And we all know life is vast
And grand and big and real
So reluctantly I sit with the pain
Overcoming resistance
Manifesting resilience
They say this too shall pass
But I say, this too I shall take with me
Decorated scar
Embellished with wisdom
Emerging from this prison
So not a victim
So I’m fucking now living with constant underlying sad
But always too with eternal optimism
Accepting this ebb and flow rhythm
Of my days
Trying to simply live with these ways
One day, freedom, is my ultimate vision
From this constant underlying pain
This nagging pit in my stomach
One day I’ll reach acceptance and scale my summit
Sharing my stories, of how to overcome it
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