Outcomes Always Happen

You either get what you want or you don’t.

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres on our open platform. We publish pieces as written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team and must meet our guidelines prior to being published.
Image courtesy of Unsplash

Outcomes always happen. Every time you engage in a persuasive conversation with another human being, there is an outcome. Outcomes are either positive or negative; there is no neutral. You either get what you want or you don’t. Other people either understand your point of view or they don’t. A decision to table the conversation to a later date is a positive outcome as is a decision to agree to disagree. Positive outcomes occur when both parties agree about what is to happen next. The conversation on the topic is over or mutually-agreed-upon to continue later. All the skills and concepts previously discussed should lead you to more positive outcomes.

Negative outcomes happen when agreement does not occur and the topic is left open with no clear future or no closure. Generally, both parties feel upset and frustrated with each other. This usually means neither one gets what they want and both are feeling dissatisfied.

The best way to manage outcomes is to deal with them by using mutual agreements at the beginning of the conversation. It is not uncommon for people to engage in a conversation with different expectations about the outcome. I might hope for a resolution to what I perceive as the problem, while my wife may hope to feel listened to and understood at the end of the conversation. Many books have been written on gender differences and how each listens, processes information, and communicates. At this point, I suggest you be aware that differences always exist between one person and another, and that early on in your conversations, you clarify the expected outcomes.

An example could sound like this:

Me: “Sure, I’d be happy to talk about your concerns. Are you expecting me to give you suggestions or to listen so you can talk it through?”

My wife: “Let me talk it through so I can figure out what is really going on.”

Me: “Great. So, tell me what’s happening.”

If this occurs at the beginning of a conversation, you will have a better chance to achieve a positive outcome, especially if the other skills and tactics are used throughout the interaction.

The preceding is adapted from From The Board Room To The Living Room by David A. Hiatt ©2018 by Sandler Systems, Inc. and published with permission from Sandler Training.

For more information, please visit:

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

You might also like...


Nine Powerful Ways to Resolve Conflict, Restore Harmony, and Strengthen Interpersonal Rapport

by Harrison Monarth

Why You Need To Be Assertive In Your Relationships

by Jillian and Jan Yuhas

10 Things To Do When Someone Is Yelling At You

by Jordan Carroll

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.


We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.