When my clients ask me, “Is it possible to change?” I always tell them the same thing: “If I can, you can; there is nothing extraordinary about me.” And still, to this very day, I am continuously amazed and deeply touched by how people make profound transformational changes that impact their lives and the lives of others. They often thank me, and I remind them that it is they who shaped this change, not me. I am only here to ask questions and to enable them to become the leaders of their own lives. Indeed, the world out there is our projection, and we perceive the world how we would like to see it. It was when I started asking myself questions that my own transformation began to happen because if we want to find our truth, we have to examine ourselves first. And what I know for sure is that once you become the master of yourself, no one and no circumstance can reduce you. It is your responsibility to assume accountability.
Permit yourself to change.
The crucial first step because if you change, you change the default group dynamics and force them to act differently. List the behaviours and well-established beliefs or WEBS you would like to change. Now next to WEB the practice or belief if you would like to change. An example could be, I want to be able to speak up in meetings when I don’t agree. Choose one of the items on your list – the most comfortable first – and start practising. Once the behaviour is en route, choose another, and so on.
Are you feeling chaotic or calm?
Observe frequently and write down how others influence your reality. What are your triggers? What elicits anger, irritation, and anxiety in you? State management is so important, so don’t be discouraged if you find yourself falling back into these old patterns.
Practice, practice, practice!
Deliberate practice indicates a distinctive kind of repetition that is determined and regular. It is the key to getting a new belief or behaviour adhered to until it becomes merely part of your new natural way of being. Check-in with how you are feeling before you practice your new behaviour and anticipate reactions to the new you. Imagine how you others may react to you, and make a plan for how you will respond.
Do you want to be right or get it right?
Ego is indeed the absence of the knowledge of who we are. I have seen that this is especially true when we are in contexts we find challenging. Don’t try to win battles. The real truth is getting it right, especially for you and then the others. Remember, only we have the power to change ourselves.
As you would expect, this journey is not devoid of challenges and, it has taught me the lasting value of fearlessness, courage of conviction, and tenacity. Don’t be discouraged if you find yourself falling back into these old patterns.
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