Oh, it’s a filthy word. It’s a word that is short and pudgy. Only three letters that will keep you stuck in your rut forever.
W.H.Y. = Three small letters that create one small depression enhancing word. A word that creates a never-ending loop.
When you are stuck asking yourself WHY questions, you are stuck creating Excuses.
Fact — the only answer to a Why question is an excuse.
When you are in an unhealthy relationship, it is very easy to get trapped in the why loop. You’re looking for an answer but it doesn’t exist. You end up asking the question and answering with an excuse.
Why does he treat me that way? Because he was in a bad mood. Because he hasn’t eaten today. Was feeling sick. Was tired. Had a long day. Their boss yelled. It was hot out.
Why do I stay? Because I feel secure. Because I don’t think anyone else will want me. Because I have no money or resources of my own. Because I’m worried about the children.
Why does this always happen to me? Because you do not deserve good things. Because you brought it on yourself. Because you are stupid, useless or other negative self-demeaning reasons.
When we stick ourselves in WHY world, we do not come up with attainable goals that will move us forward in life. We stay stuck hammering away at Why and trying to find the answer. There is no answer, just an excuse or debilitating negative self-talk.
When you are in a bad relationship or have had a setback, you can kick your mind into solution mode by changing your questions to:
What | Where | How | When
My relationship is toxic and I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. What can I do to each week to put some money away? How much will I need? How much can I save each week? When I reach my savings goal, I will move out.
When Sally treats me like crap it’s just who she is. When will I stop letting Sally treat me like crap and walk away. When Sally is bitchy to me, I’m going to walk away. Her bitchiness is her problem not mine
What just happened to me sucked. It really sucked. How will I improve my resume to find a new job? What kind of job do I want? I want to focus on working in __________!
Turn your negative self-talk and excuses around by following these three steps:
- Kick WHY to the curb where it belongs. Do not feel sorry for it. Walk away fast
- Acknowledge what is happening in your life right now that needs to be turned around in order for you to move forward and get unstuck
- Ask positive empowerment questions that kick your brain into solution mode — What, Where, How, When
When you divorce why and move on to what, where, how and when, you will open up a whole new world of opportunities. You will be much closer to living a life that you enjoy everyday and feel excited about.
You will awaken your potential by developing questions that open your mind to solutions. You will set achievable goals and get unstuck.
Originally published at medium.com