On Losing Ourselves

Courage is sometimes simply getting to know ourselves again.

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Courage is sometimes simply getting to know ourselves again.

We can so easily lose ourselves in relationships, circumstances, families, careers, and endless goal-digging that we forget who we are along the way.

Life quickly becomes about what we do, who we know, and how we give

When we rely on the external world to tell us who we are, disappointments are inevitable and often unrelenting.

Contrary to popular belief, the external world simply isn’t meant to satiate our spirit.

While our humanity is indeed wired for connection, love, and purpose, we must first embrace all of these from within ourselves to be able to give and receive them with one another without attachment or expectation.

I know this well. For years, I sought to find myself in the spaces of relationships, religion, career, strength of body and mind, and adventure after adventure. If I did all the ‘right’ things, maybe then I’d feel more like myself. I sought external purpose and accomplishment as a benchmark for my self-worth. 

These patterns inevitably brought me to my knees. I learned the truth the hard way — by losing myself and everything and everyone I most loved. Meeting my self-worth on the floor of life’s arena changed everything. From there, the most important work of all began. To begin looking in the mirror with both self-compassion and courage in the deepest of ways.


When we commit to the real, raw courageous practice of returning to ourselves and looking within, ruin can become the road to transformation. When we release old patterns and limiting beliefs, we create space for clarity to emerge from within us. 

  • We awaken to who we are without all the labels, roles, responsibilities, and ambitions. 
  • We start introducing ourselves to others less by what we do and more by who we are in our humanity and meeting them in theirs.
  • We awaken to what we really, really desire and begin to take courageous action to create it rather than subconsciously waiting for it to come to us. 
  • We become less distracted with external noise, temptation, comparison, or judgment. 
  • Our focus become clear and consistent. We do not settle.
  • We begin to show up with less reservation in the world because we are grounded to something other than the world. 
  • Our communication holds a deep and unwavering conviction in what matters most to us. 
  • Our purpose becomes rooted in something beyond ourselves. 
  • We learn what we want to live for and what we are willing to die for too. 

 External goodness in our lives—in all its forms—can then take its place as a fabulous result and gift of courageous living rather than the sole definition of it.

No matter where you find yourself in life, leadership, or love, look within this year. Begin deconstructing the patterns of behaviors you have for seeking yourself outside of yourself.

Listen to yourself and your intuition. Chart your course from a place of inner clarity. Hustle less and stand in the current of inner conviction and flow more. Here’s to a beautiful new year of courageous living, leading, and loving together,

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