There is this place; this middle ground inside of ourselves that teeters on the brink of darkness, grasping at strings of light when raw with emotion. The darkness appears vast and the light seems unreachable. Telling ourselves we will be okay seems fruitless, an escape from presence. Ensconced in shame, the word ‘okay’ has taken on such an identity when it comes to how we are feeling.I found myself sharing in sessions this week that it was okay NOT to be okay. This last week many people I spoke with were deluged with emotional crises, fear rising as the thought of not being okay equated with survival on many levels. Survival of identity and roles in this world, within their familial and work environment, survival of their hearts, their minds, their physical bodies. When loved ones would ask them how they were doing, the ensuing response of “I’m okay” just wasn’t adequate enough. Adequate in their minds in regards to themselves, but in truth, the recipient hearing those words may not know how to respond to someone saying that they are not okay. Being not okay and owning it can trigger a sense of powerlessness, weakness, inadequacy, and shame. It is as though it is not okay to not feel okay. We might share those feelings with those closest to us and hide it with the rest of the world where I bet most of us have had experiences of not being okay with not feeling okay.
I remember the silence on the other end of the phone this week in a few sessions. When I shared that it was completely okay not to be okay, it was like opening a door to the underworld. There was a space created to forgive the self judgement and allow for a sense of empowerment to be felt when truth rings authentic. There was a space created so the internal power struggle could quiet itself and find breathing room to expand its thoughts and emotions. A space where weakness, inadequacy and shame didn’t make sense anymore as not being okay suddenly became powerfully okay.