When I Realized I Wasn’t Alone…
As in, you wondering when you drive home if others still hear the beeps or replay of the good, bad and ugly throughout your shift?!
Then keep reading.
I’m going to share with you the simple, but powerful revelation I received…
That helped me change my entire approach to the field of Nursing…
Without feeling like a fraud. Without feeling lazy. And without using any of the NON-nursing jargon that is thrown at us.
When I got my first nursing job, I was drowning in self-doubt and wondered what the hell did I get myself into?
I knew I wanted to help others but it already seemed backwards…
And I still had my training wheels on… and yet…
I realized that our hospital system was a complete scam.
I was terrified by the long check list I was suppose to memorize.
The list to make sure we were reimbursed or the fall paperwork was filled out correctly or god forbid an AMA patient signed their paper because we didn’t want another LWBS…
And when I realized that patients and nurses didn’t actually matter…
It was only about the money…
I had to change.
I really struggled with feeling fulfilled.
It was like I was attempting to balance a million marbles at once…in my subconscious I was terrified I was going to make a mistake…
I was programming myself to fail without even realizing it.
And because it wasn’t about actually taking care of the patient but CYA all the time… it felt risky for me to even think outside of the box…
To challenge this “free countries” system… and to take time away from the list for myself…laughable.
They’d say “sorry, were going to run short again.”
BUT take a lunch… (with your phone and stay on the unit)
The worst part about this voice of self-doubt is that it lingered…
The drive home was the worst part of my day.
It was like a movie playing in my head of all the bad stuff that occurred all day long.
Even when a few people did make the day brighter… the bad ALWAYS out-weighted the good.
I was terrified of the realization that this could be my life… FOREVER.
As you could only imagine that actually drove me to an extreme…
And I was anxious, overwhelmed, stress and HATED my life.
All I’d do is not sleep, work and hate every second of it.
So in my desperate attempt to make myself not hate the entire life I created…
I made an extreme promise to myself.
I’m talking a promise that I verbalized to anyone who would had ears and the whole hospital I worked for at the time…
And literally vomited at work!
I knew myself… If I commit… I follow through…
HELL OR HIGH WATER!
So, that’s when I began my scientific and spiritual journey into neuroscience and consciousness.
The truth is…
I was terrified I opened my massive mouth.
I mean I literally knew nothing besides I liked the movie “The Secret” and understood the science behind concepts that SHOULD be applied to everyday life.…
And that’s the moment I learned that there was a bigger plan, I just didn’t know it yet…
I could have fallen flat on my face while hating work every day…
My hatred for the system became my fuel.
So instead, wanting to punch myself in the face on the way into work…
I began to analyze the corporate nurses aka managers and directors and so forth…
I re-taught myself how to think…
No Joke.
Over hours, and hours, and hours of research, trail & error, and more research…
I realized that every single person in this world is playing SMALL if you aren’t aware that you have the ability to do WHATEVER you WANT…
The best part is that it actually doesn’t take that long…
It’s about being persistent…
Not the… set it and forget it.
Your body is constantly changing and moving…
You gotta exercise it in the right way.
Desperate to start spreading the new me with confidence…
I sought the advice of a brilliant man who shot down my hopes and dreams.
I was crushed!
I felt like my Soul was sucked completely dry.
I worked while I was at the hospital but when I got off I was still working… still trying to figure out how I could rescue other nurses from the pain and suffering…
I told him about everything… the research, the awakenings, my ah-ha moments, the plan I had and then that’s when he hit me with it…
“You are a science-based but spiritual person trying to break into an ALL science sector of financially driven minds… this is going to be tough as balls to do.”
GULP!!!!!!!
I wasn’t expecting this response.
I mean, “tough as balls.” I wasn’t even sure how tough that was until I realized who I was talking to…
He wasn’t a buddy but a world-renown artificial intelligence pioneer.
This made me burst into tears!
I knew this task wasn’t going to be rainbows and butterflies but throw a girl a damn bone!
The day came, where I laid in bed and sobbed my eyes out.
My husband didn’t even enter the room…
He didn’t even know how to approach me…
I had never ever missed a day in my first son’s life until this day…
And then…
I cleared my Un-needed Energy.
Finally, I got my you know what together enough to get back to the basics of what I taught others and stopped having a pitty party.
If I could just get one single person to listen within the hospital system… pandora’s box will open…
That’s all I could say to myself as I laid in my bed blowing my snotty nose.
This is when I understood that the plan I had wanted to have work out so badly took a turn for the better.
I was shocked…
I asked my spirit guides for a sign that I was going in the right direction.
A sign so big that I couldn’t ignore it…
Thinking it was a fluke, I repeated my request to them…
The response was so funny.
I say that because my more the practical and logical husband said… “Holy shit, that was it right… what you asked for… they are real?!”
My response of course was, “Duh, of course they are… you can’t control them…”
I honestly knew I was going to be opening pandora’s box.
I can’t explain it.
I always knew that I was suppose to help others.
And I thought it was by helping patients in the hospital.
BUT…
When I had the revelation…
The hospital is my tool…
It is my vector, my vehicle and my source…
This is when I knew my plan to help nurses reduce their anxiety, overwhelm, PTSD, stress that was induced by the hospital was going to work.
So if you’re reading this, I want you to ask yourself if you suffer from acute or acute on chronic Hospital-Induced Anxiety…
Ask yourself…
What if I can reduce or even eliminate it without MEDICATION…
What is it worth to you.
So, with that being said…
It was worth sacrificing over 4 years of my life to find the portal to relief without medications.
You see, one of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety, stress, PTSD, and overwhelm is that it isn’t always solved with medications or meditating.
Your brain, it is your power…
Learning to understand it from a scientific and spiritual aspect is what changed my Soul…
And without it…
I’d be miserable.
Here’s why…
Remember when I said I wondered if anyone else has a terrible drive home from work??
I didn’t say relaxed…
I didn’t say decompressed…
I didn’t say enjoyable…
I said terrible.
So the real question you have to ask yourself is…
What’s the least amount of time, effort and dedication you want to give yourself to have transformative results?
Yes, least.
I thought it would take years, months, hours upon hours to change my life…
When in reality, it was taking most of my clients 10 minutes to release their anxiety, overwhelm and stress.
Their success even blew them out of the water!
Some ladies actually re-listened to our session to believe the results…
So, I want you to think about the big outcome you actually want…
And then ask yourself 3 questions:
1. What would you do with all your EXTRA time you’d have because you wouldn’t be stuck in a cyclical state of Groundhog Day?
If I could take you from where you are now, to where you want to be…
What unconventional steps are you willing to take?
2. What would your co-workers think of the new you…?
Just one or two of your closest bitch buddies… would they resent you or want you to teach them what you learned?
Recently, I hosted a 5 Day Challenge, helping a group of Nurses reduce their anxiety.
But, because I knew they would be doubters…
I decided to call some of the non-believers out.
I didn’t feel bad or sad but HAPPY and EXCITED…
Those gals had the best results… better than the woo woo chicks that had signed up.
3. What if it worked and you shared it with your hospital?
What would make going into work more enjoyable than being on the same playing field as everyone else…
But that also wouldn’t cost you your sanity…?
Start with the fish you swim with and then go for the gusto…
Like an algorithm that’s backwards.
Simple but effective.
At this point, I’d always recommend going back over the answers to those three questions…
In my experience, there is always some BS that pops up and you’re like… WTH was I thinking right then…
With that being said…
I hope you realize that you have the power to change whatever you want.
Ashleigh Boyd R.N.
Thanks for reading!
Feel free to check out some of my similar reads below and subscribe to my tribe for more content AND most importantly access to the anxiety diffusing tools.
- The Insult Of Saying We Get Paid WELL As A Nurse
- A Nurses Perspective On Lack Of Hospital Support
- The Only Reveral Agent I Use
You can follow me on Medium for more posts like this. For more on me and what I’m up to, check out my website.
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