THE HEADLINES SUM IT UP
1. The divorce rate in the United States for first marriages is 48%
2. 68% of second marriages fail.
3. 73% of couples marrying for the third time find themselves in a divorce court.
4. 4 women are murdered every day by their intimate partner.
5. One in 10 girls are the victims of dating abuse.
6. 21% of college students report having experienced dating violence by a current partner.
What are Some of the Possible Explanations for this Contemporary Calamity that Impacts Millions of Men and Women and Children Every Day?
– The mythical belief that love and romance conquers all adversity.
-Few good role models when growing up.
A false sense of what healthy relationships are due to misleading and distorted portrayals in movies, reality television and popular music.
-Few if any serious relationship education courses or programs offered in schools, colleges or universities.
I have treated more that 2,000 men and women over the past 35 years and not only am I very clear about what the relationship issues and problems are, but more importantly I have discovered what people need to DO to avoid relationship disasters and find lasting love.
1. Each of us needs to be in a good place emotionally, psychologically and psychiatrically. We need to deal with our ‘unfinished business’ and ‘skeletons in the closet’, both past and presenting, including, childhood trauma and other mental health issues.
2. We need to be open to learning the ingredients that actually go into a successful long-term relationship. The reality is that the majority of people have not been fortunate to learn this.
3. We need to be willing to learn and to use my 10-step, fail-safe formula, already successfully used by thousands of men and women around the world, based on my research and culminating in my book, For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love. My formula teaches people exactly how to assess who’s right or wrong for you BEFORE committing to any serious relationship. You will learn to identify ‘red flags’ early on, including abuse of any kind. You will also learn what compromises and trade-offs are ok to make and which ones should never be made under any circumstances. My research found that it takes about a year (using my formula), to find out who someone is and is not. Unfortunately, this process cannot be fast-forwarded.
The reality is that most people spend more time researching cars, computers and cell phones than they do their partners. In a radio interview that I had with Denise Brown, Nicole Brown’s Simpson’s sister, Denise publicly said that had her sister Nicole known about and used my formula, she would probably be alive today.
Women spend months, even years, planning every detail of their wedding. Yet blinded by romance, they frequently marry someone who they don’t really know. Think back to how many times you thought you knew everything there was to know about your partner. You believed that the person you were in love with was exactly who he/she seemed to be. You were sure that you had found your perfect match for life. Then suddenly, you find that your relationship is in shambles. Your mind is spinning. What went wrong? Chances are the sign were there all along. You just didn’t know what to look for.
Even though we can’t change history, my series of articles will help you to open your eyes and ears to help you make a thorough assessment. Are you ready to be educated, empowered and keep yourself safe? If your answer is yes, get on-board for the adventure of your life!
Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse, Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the ASK BEATTY SHOW on the Progressive Radio Network. She has a private practice in New York City and East Hampton.