“There’s no such thing as failure, only lessons learned.” That’s something my grandma used to always tell me. Little did I know it would apply to the fail of a date I went on years ago…
It was back in college. I had met THE perfect guy while walking back from class. Or at least he seemed perfect. Good-looking, funny, had a good major, all the things! He asked for my number, and called the same day to make plans for a date.
And it was all downhill from there. First, he showed up almost an hour late to pick me up. Seriously, we lived on the same campus! I should’ve ended things there, but I went anyway. He drove me to a restaurant on the other side of town, and told me he had been wanting to try it. He ordered the most expensive things on the menu. We talked, we laughed, and everything was great- until the bill came. That’s when he confessed that he had no money, and asked if I could cover it.
Here’s the thing. I’ve never turned down a man because he wasn’t rich. I’m the queen of finding free and inexpensive things to do. But what I don’t tolerate is shadiness. I was not about to stand for him not being upfront about his funds, and trying to take advantage of what money he thought I had.
So I asked him to give me a minute, and walked towards the bathroom. I grabbed the waitress, told her I had to go, and gave her cash for my share of the bill. I then walked out, went to another business, and called a cab to get back to campus.
So what can you learn from this?
1) Discernment. When I met this guy, I was caught up in his looks and charm, and didn’t take the time to get to know him better before going out. Let me be clear- I’m not a fan of spending forever talking on the phone before the first date. Have you ever seen the show “Catfish”? But one or two phone calls (calls, not texts) can tell you a lot about someone before you go on the date.
2) That was the date that taught me to value myself more, and motivated me to teach other women the same. After that, I was no longer available to men who showed up late without a legitimate reason. I was no longer available to men who weren’t upfront with me. I was no longer available to men who would try to take advantage.
And these are two of the main things I work with my clients on- discernment and worthiness. When you start holding yourself and the people you like to a standard, you attract more quality relationships. And when you’re committed to those standards, you’ll tap into the discernment God naturally gave you to listen more carefully, and quickly turn away the men who aren’t worthy of you.