How I learnt to understand my fears, accept my anxiety and transform my workaholism to heal, grow and succeed.
I can remember the time when I first realised that my anxiety was actually a problem. I was 18 and I went camping at a 6-day music festival. I had been preparing for it for months. My Dad drove me the 2 hrs to the venue and helped set up my tent for the week. Only to have me call home the next day, balling my eyes out, begging him to pick me up early. I just couldn’t cope, as my mind swirled in an endless loop of pain and confusion.
After that I found I couldn’t travel much – I didn’t do new things or go on adventures because the stress and anxiety was too much, and the shame I felt from it was overwhelming. Hiding my feelings became almost as exhausting as feeling the anxiety itself.
And whilst I tried to do things to distract myself, I woke up most days to an alarm of anxiety; then went to bed each night with worry about what the next day would be like.
Eventually I got some tools and help to get by each day and pushed myself to work through the anxiety, but when the anxiety faded, I found new ways to sabotage myself.
I became focused on work and achieving my best. I was first to work each day and at every event and function until the end. I worked harder and longer so I wouldn’t miss out on anything, to prove I was worthy, and in an attempt to get attention and recognition for my efforts.
Eventually though, this burnt out my adrenal health and I developed adrenal fatigue. This along with ignoring poor gut health led to autoimmune disease. But I thought if I just ignored, rejected it – it would go away. Instead it robbed me of energy and enthusiasm.
Until one day, I stepped out of a work function and promptly fainted on the concrete. After days of pain, tests and doctors’ visits I was instructed back to an emergency room by a neurologist due to the two brain bleeds I sustained from the impact.
As I spent the next few months clawing my way back to some sense of normality, I realised that there was more to life than work. And so, I thought that would fix it. Instead I then became attached to and defined by my disease wearing that now as a badge of honour. Instead of burning out at work, I pushed hard elsewhere in my life, teetering with burnout again and seeking attention through the symptoms of disease and injury.
Until one day I received the advice from one of my guides – to solve my external problems I needed to address my inner state, starting with loving myself.
As I started this part of my journey, I also realised I couldn’t do it on my own. So, I got support, I learnt inner work methods and got coaches. When I truly dove inside and cleared the core of my beliefs, stories, and problems I found my true self at the bottom of that pile of rubble.
Now I’ve removed the rubble and can see I am beautiful, whole, and complete as I am, and I formed a brand-new relationship with myself. Healing from the inside out.
I now operate from a place of self-compassion, love and alignment as I fulfill my mission of serving others and guiding them through their own transformations.
I share this with you today not because I need the sympathy or attention anymore – that woman is in my past now! But to show you there is a path out.
Perhaps you, or a loved one, is experiencing similar feelings or struggles as I did at some stage.
And so, I am here to show you that you can transform and grow beyond this, and to let you know you don’t have to make change alone. I am here to help – just ask.
As a special gift for you today, I’d also like to share my E-book of tips 6 Anxiety Busters to help start your transformational journey too.