I woke up in someone else’s life.
Everything seemed oddly familiar yet I knew I didn’t belong in this place. The clothes in the drawer seemed like something I would wear. The earrings were definitely my own design. The kids certainly looked like me. But I, the me, my soul . . . I can’t even put into words how hollow I felt. I was a shell with nothing inside.
As I slowly began to realize the emptiness . . . the tsunami hit. I was no longer empty but filled with rage, betrayal, shattered dreams and most of all the lonely feeling after a natural disaster happens inside of your body. Everything was gone. No dreams and no hope. I recalled seeing the images of a tsunami on television–people clinging to poles as the raging waters tore families apart. The devastation left behind . . . by water. Water is supposed to clean and give life . . . not wash it away in gigantic waves.
Each day I am a living paradox. My life is a definition played out moment by moment. I can both love and hate the same person at the same time. Be filled with joy and sorrow at the same time! How can I spend my days so busy I can’t even find time to pee, yet have nothing to show for it?
In this paradox, I have found myself. I am love and hate, I am joy and sorrow, I am productive in ways that no one can see . . . and this is the beauty of my life.
Now that I’m aware of this paradoxical challenge, I can live more fully. I can begin to rebuild after the tsunami.
But this time . . . I’m the builder.
This secret life begins as I silently create the life I have always wanted.