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My Secret Life

it's not all folding laundry and taking care of the kids

Photo credit:  Upsplash

One day, everything changed.

I woke up in someone else’s life.

Everything seemed oddly familiar yet I knew I didn’t belong in this place.  The clothes in the drawer seemed like something I would wear.  The earrings were definitely my own design.  The kids certainly looked like me.  But I, the me, my soul . . . I can’t even put into words how hollow I felt.  I was a shell with nothing inside.

The Tsunami inside

As I slowly began to realize the emptiness . . . the tsunami hit.  I was no longer empty but filled with rage, betrayal, shattered dreams and most of all the lonely feeling after a natural disaster happens inside of your body.  Everything was gone.  No dreams and no hope.  I recalled seeing the images of a tsunami on television–people clinging to poles as the raging waters tore families apart.  The devastation left behind . . . by water.  Water is supposed to clean and give life . . . not wash it away in gigantic waves.  

Living a Paradox

Each day I am a living paradox.  My life is a definition played out moment by moment.  I can both love and hate the same person at the same time. Be filled with joy and sorrow at the same time!  How can I spend my days so busy I can’t even find time to pee, yet have nothing to show for it?

In this paradox, I have found myself.  I am love and hate, I am joy and sorrow, I am productive in ways that no one can see . . . and this is the beauty of my life.  

Moving forward

Now that I’m aware of this paradoxical challenge, I can live more fully.  I can begin to rebuild after the tsunami.  

But this time . . . I’m the builder.  

This secret life begins as I silently create the life I have always wanted.  

 

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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