Question: Most of my family and friends keep trying to set me up with men. At this stage in my life, I have chosen to focus on my career, ambitions, and goals. In order to sacrifice what I have worked so hard for, it must be for the right person. Am I wrong for being so picky this late in life? For working so much and putting my needs first?
Answer: I’m not into right or wrong, love, just what works for you, what makes you happy! If not having dating as a priority and instead having work as a priority is what makes you happy, then no issues! If you are lonely, want to be married or in a committed relationship yet you are unwilling to take actions in that direction, then we have some talking to do!
If your friends and family keep trying to set you up with men, they seem to be wanting to make you happy, yet it probably feels like judging you for being single, which doesn’t feel good, so you deflect, defend and keep working, huh?
Perhaps you could tell them to lay off in a nice way, or perhaps you could just receive their suggestions with allowance, perhaps you could all sit down and put your profile online and they could be your dating ‘staff’, helping you filter through while you enjoy working and organize all your dates for you! ha! What feels best to you?
And about the picky part. Is your picky a strategy to never open your heart, risk rejection and thus stay busy and single? Or are you picky because you’re so hard on yourself, perhaps a perfectionist (which is impossible, nobody’s perfect, we are all works of art in progress) and thus expecting perfection from a man? Is being picky a clever survival mechanism never to show up and enjoy deep vulnerable intimate love because you got hurt last time you did that?
All of these are questions that will help you get to the foundation. If at the core, your career is truly priority. Speak your truth. Do not be afraid to tell your friends, family, neighbors, and anyone else who asks that you know what you want in life and you are not afraid to ask for it. You are not defined by a man and do not need one to be whole. You have the right to choose your path and the power to choose your path. When you are ready to veer in a different direction, feel empowered to do so.
Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcast, blog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.