Community//

My family are draining me

And I'm afraid to tell them

Here's how to handle feedback that you don't want.
Here's how to handle feedback that you don't want.

Show someone the mirror of them self, and in most cases, they will tell you it is you that has the problem, you are the one that can’t see your own reflection. But it is you that has the mirror up to them, not the other way around, right?

So, you’re trying to tell someone that they are draining you, that they suck the energy out of you, but you’re afraid to do so.

The big clue here, is in your fear.

If you are afraid to tell someone that they are constantly beating the negative drum, because their reaction will not be wholesome, that is your light to all of this drama.

let’s put it another way. If I held your reflection of yourself, to you, and suggested that you weren’t compassionate enough, hopefully, you would take this feedback and sit with it for a while. You would validate my reasons and acknowledge that I may or may not have a point. Nether the less, you will take it on board and your reaction will be calm and open to growth.

When someone cannot and will not look in their reflection, or if they do and reject what you are suggesting, they will react in a difficult and defensive manor, stating that you are wrong, you are the one that has it all upside down.

But you are able to look in your mirror, they are not.

This information is your testimonial to you that you are right. You are in the right because you are prepared to polish your mirror to see more deeply how you can grow, they are not.

People that don’t respond well to negative feedback are either in denial, or can’t see what you see.

So how do we tell someone that they are draining?

It’s a very difficult situation for you and I really do understand how you are feeling.

Your options are:

Stay away or stay at arms length. Sometimes this is the easiest way.

Confront them with a feedback sandwich!

Starting with a compliment, then the constructive feedback, and ending with another compliment. For example – ” You are such a caring person, I do need to let you know something though, I feel that you talk too much about your ailments and I feel quite down from this. I love spending time with you and know you have a good heart. can we work through this?

There is your feedback sandwich.

Some people will react rashly to the example above, but you are not here to absorb every difficult emotion that someone is going through, you are a human being, worthy of love and a two way, loving conversation.

It is not a one way conversation, it is two.

If you don’t disclose your difficulty and how it makes you feel, you may end up resenting and even leaving them.

We leave because they cannot see their own flaws.

We resent because we cannot hold their reflection in front of them, in fear that they will react badly, so we stay silent and endure the emotional pain.

At the end of the day, this is not your fault.

Can you hold up your own mirror and take constructive feedback?

If you said yes, then this person’s flaws are not your fault. You are obviously far more advanced in your spiritual growth, so please don’t let them get to you.

We can show people where they are going wrong, but if they don’t want to see, if they are blinded by their own thoughts, and as hard as this is to do, you need to detach yourself and keep at arms length.

There are millions of people that have never looked in to their reflection, they are either scared of what they will see, or they are too ignorant and arrogant to understand that you are showing them something that could help them to grow.

People will only grow when they are ready.

Why was you placed with such people then? I hear you ask.

You are placed with them so that you can grow beyond measure.

From their lack of understanding, you have learnt;

Compassion

Patience

To create a higher thresh hold

To focus more on yourself

That their traits are unwholesome and you pride on being the opposite

You have learnt to be more sensitive to others needs and you also know what you need for your self.

Those are just a few.

Please know this as I speak with you, your endurance has carved you into a higher state of being. Your endurance has shown you the path in which you want to go. I am proud of you for being able to look into your reflection and grow. And for those that do not, this is something that we cannot control, so we must protect ourselves and keep the distance.

I hope you find peace in your situation.

Love Olivia xxx

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