Locked away in my home I had to cancel the trip home to Maine. My elderly mother just found out she had to have her other leg amputated. Just nine months ago she had her left foot and leg up to the knee amputated due to poor circulation and now the other foot had a sore that would not heal. Her kidneys were failing and her will was about gone. I was stuck in LA because of the Coronavirus. The states were just beginning to instill fourteen day quarantine for entering a state, especially from a high risk state like California. Maine did not want me to come in; for a good reason and LA did not want me to go out; also for a good reason. Coronavirus is holding me hostage.
I’m sixty-seven so considered a high risk regarding the Coronavirus, however I am very active and in relatively good shape for my age; so I felt confident that if I was careful traveling would be safe. Most of what I practice is natural living which includes good nutrition, exercise, yoga, laughter and good fun. All of these things I learned from my mother and father; but that’s another story better left for another time. Now back to my Coronavirus story.
Our family went through three rough days calling back and forth. Mother pulled through the surgery, but then had pain in her back from her kidneys that were not functioning. She was having difficulty breathing. The Doctor called my father.
My father called me in a panic. He was sobbing and said. “I just spoke with the Doctor. I think your mother is going. When they took her away in the ambulance I just knew I would never see her again.”
You see my father too was a victim of coronavirus. He had to let his frail wife of sixty-five years go to the hospital alone to have her other leg amputated. She had been having kidney issues, stomach issues and breathing issues so this was a surgery none of us thought she would live through. My father could not go to the hospital. No one in the family could go. My mother was all alone in the hospital about to undergo a major surgery and there was no one in our family by her bed, especially my father, to hold her hand. It is the most sinking, horrible feeling one can have; knowing someone you love is dying alone without those who love her there to give her a loving touch. They say touching and whispering I love you is so important to a dying person. I sobbed hysterically over this. I could not bear the thought of my mother dying alone and my father not being able to hold her hand.
After trying hard to keep my composure, I assured my father I would call the Doctor and let him know what was going on. I called a neighbor and asked her to go to his house and be with him. I called the hospital and was put through to the nurse who told me the doctor had seen her and she would ask him to come back and speak with me. I knew this was not good. My mother’s nurse, Lindsay, reassured me that she was giving my mother love. I began to cry and she asked me if I would like to see my Mother?
She knew I was in California and that my father would not get to see her so she quickly came up with a plan. She asked me to go to her Facebook page and friend her. Then she could join me in my mother’s room and allow me to video chat with my mother using Lindsay’s phone. I asked her if this was something that would haunt me. I did not want to see my mother moaning in pain. She reassured me that this would be good. We did it and it worked. And it was great.
Sweetly she turned her phone to my mother. I spoke to my mother and she knew it was me. I don’t think she could see me, but she recognized my voice. I told her I loved her and she told me the same. She told the nurse that is my baby. I’m not the baby. But yes I am one of her babies. I’m the oldest and her only daughter.
Then she said to me; “I just want to go.” I told her that Dad loved her. We all loved her and she could go. I told her to rest and we ended the call. I sobbed into tears; grasped my breath and called my father. He told me he was on his way to the hospital. During my video chat the Doctor called my father and agreed to let him come into the hospital and be with his dying wife. I sobbed a long time after this. I was so grateful that he could be by her side.
I called my Son and asked him if he could stand by for his Grandfather; whom he adores. My son jumped in his truck, went to the hospital and told the staff the situation. They gave both my son and my father gloves and masks and let my son stand by his dying grandmother and his grieving grandfather. This of course also made me sob. My son has always done above and beyond what a grandson should have to do. He has truly been my boots on the ground. His grandparents adore him and he adores them.
My son face timed my daughter so she could video chat with her grandmother. After her chat she called me sobbing. She could not handle seeing her grandfather cry and her grandmother slipping away. My mother has been like a second mother to both of my children. She spoiled them and loved them to pieces.
I have two nieces I stay in touch with through Facebook so I messengered them and they messengered me back. They live away and cannot travel so we are all staying connected thanks to technology.
My Mother passed peacefully. Her remains were taken away for safe keeping. All we can do is grieve and wait until such a time as we can once again gather as family and friends to pay tribute to someone we love. What a terrible empty feeling to be held hostage by something like the Corona Virus that you cannot see, smell, taste, hear or touch. But in words of Helen Keller; the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart
Coronavirus you may have kept us physically apart, but our roots and our grounding to the legacy of our family will never let you or anything else keep us lovingly disconnected. They say love knows no boundaries. I would say that is true. Physical presence is not necessarily a sign of love. But a touch and a whispered I love you is important. I am grateful my father could hold my mother’s hand and whisper his affection and love for her.
Although Coronavirus has kept us at a distance it should remind us all that life is fragile. At any moment your life can go upside down at no fault of your own. So never forget your roots, and always keep your family and dear friends close to your heart.
That’s my Coronavirus story.
Namaste ~ I celebrate the place where our souls meet
Doctor Lynn