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My 2018 in review: the darkness, the lessons and the blessings

It’s that time of the year where we all sit down and feel sorry for ourselves because of how much foods and drinks we digested. We instantly feel better when we set our intention to get a gym subscription and kill it during the first month or two before we give up and fall back […]

Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash
Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash

It’s that time of the year where we all sit down and feel sorry for ourselves because of how much foods and drinks we digested. We instantly feel better when we set our intention to get a gym subscription and kill it during the first month or two before we give up and fall back to our old habits.

Or we regret how many personal goals we did not achieve because we were to busy working on someone else’s goals, hiding behind the internet and escape our own reality, finding all kinds of excuses fuelled by fear-based and limiting beliefs.

But hey, 2019 is going to be different this time! Our resolutions are going to fix our problems, and we will start on January the first! Who are we kidding right? I am not trying to be a smart ass here (ok, maybe a little bit). But think about it, how many times have you set New Year’s resolutions, and how did they enhance your quality of life?

If you rock your New Years resolutions all the time, if you are perfectly happy with your life, then this blog is not intended for you. If you don’t like reading real human stuff beyond the superficial, you know vulnerability, emotions and so on …feel free to skip this one. No hard feelings!

If you are like me, perfectly imperfect then this blog is for you! Check out my top 5 darkest moments of 2018, what I learned from them and how I turned them into blessings!

Number one: Stop proofing yourself, you are enough.

Ok, let me write this in capital letters and  just stare at it for a while: YOU ARE COMPLETE, ENOUGH AND WHOLE JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

Dark moment: I wasn’t born with a golden spoon and childhood was though. Abused at the age of six (not by my family!), bullied all my youth because I was Moroccan and no one wanted to fall in love with me! (Don’t worry, I have processed, healed and let go!). So no need for a pity show! In 20 beautiful women, volume 6 I describe my journey of belonging and how I turned a lifelong feeling of “not good enough” into embracing the woman I am today who is perfectly imperfect. And I could not be more at peace with that. I spent most of my career and life doing stuff for other people to prove I am worthy of being where I am (also called the Imposter Syndrome). I spent pushing myself beyond my own limitations over and over again, to prove I am capable of far more than what people think (The intention was wrong, the outcome, however, put me in life where I am supposed to be).

Lesson learned: As long as I believe I am not enough and not worthy of greatness, nor will anyone else and nor will I ever accept my self as enough.

Blessings: I still have a drive that is unstoppable. The difference though, I am not worried anymore in proving myself. I know my worth, my potential and what I am capable of. I need help for sure, we don’t get here by ourselves. But I don’t require approval nor do I need to prove something. I am reaching for the stars because I know they are at my fingertips.

My first co-authored book of 20 Beautiful Women is just the start, the best is yet to come! So can you – believe in yourself, turn your darkest moments into lessons and blessings!


Number two: Burnout is just around the corner

Dark Moment: I collapsed in May this year because no longer did my body follow my mind. I did not see it coming, and I was ashamed. Ashamed and lost in life. It was a dark period in life, and I never felt alone as I did back then, because of refusing to ask and receive help.

Lessons learned: I learned to listen to my body when it can’t handle more. I have been abusing my body for years not realizing that without it I am useless and ..dead!

Blessings: The support I got at work from colleagues and my bosses – they truly cared about my wellbeing, and I will always be grateful for that. My other blessings are Judith & Atsushi who taught me all I needed to know about meditation and energy healing. I went from diabetes, liver problems, chronic fatigue, and depression to a place of well-being and health beyond my wildest dreams. My health situation improved, I am less tired because I know how to set boundaries and to manage my physical energy. I understand and accept my limits. Each day that I spend some time by myself in the morning calming the mind is a day of success and well being.

Meditation is 20% technique and 80% a way of life, and I can tell you, I have never been more serene in my personal and professional life than now.


Number three: Energy flows where the mind goes

Dark Moment: I spend so much time thinking of a reality to fit my own desires instead of accepting what is and let go of what I can’t control. When I worked so hard towards a desired outcome but then start obsessing about how it should look exactly the way I wanted, controlling my emotions was hard. 2018 had some serious negativity in my life: my divorce, my burn out, resigning from an excellent job at NATO, and letting go of 17 years of material wealth. Literally, going back and forth in my BMW X3 20 times to throw or give this all away. I was beyond exhaustion.

Lessons learned: We dwell on our thoughts, we believe them, and then we create them. Our mind does not differentiate between reality and unconscious beliefs, so the effect on the body and emotions is the same as if it was the reality!

Blessings: Through my meditation, through Global NLP Training I learned to observe my thoughts and not dwell on them, I learned to experience a wide range of both positive and negative emotions, but not label them as good or bad. Just feel them and then let go. We are human beings having a human experience in this world. What’s the point of trying to be happy all the time by avoiding negative emotions if that makes you miserable to begin with? Learning how to articulate and feel all your emotions will set you free and help you to crush your goals and your dreams! No more limitations because of fear-based beliefs!

Examples of my biggest blessings beyond the darkness:

  • Completing the 2018 GMF Marshall Memorial Fellowship (bragging here: Emmanuel Macron is also part of this club!);
  • I wrote over 130 blogs; I did several videos with amazing professionals at all levels;
  • I helped many people to go beyond their perceived limitations,
  • I helped organize the side event of the year in international security for WIIS Brussels – the NATO engages event,
  • I published an article on digital ecosystems of civil-military partnerships;
  • And I co-authored a best-selling Amazon book series of 20 beautiful women.

Where the mind goes, energy flows – focus on building yourself up and let go of negative energy and people. Not worth your time or energy! Stay busy living your potential!


Number four: Stop comparing yourself, you are wasting your time and energy!

Dark Moment: Imposter Syndrome always made me feel like a fraud and I that was never going to be good enough. Who was I kidding, there were so many more better bloggers than me, better and good looking women, more intelligent professionals with higher functions and so on. When people complimented me or when they were impressed with me, I tried to brush it off as pure luck or nothing special. I kept playing small, so other people could feel bigger. No more of that, that’s for sure!

Lessons learned: You are unique, complete and enough. Full stop! Every person has their story, their darkness, their lessons, and their blessings. LET IT GO! Focus on you and building your strengths up!

Focus on what does goes well, what you do like about yourself and what you can control. The moment I let go of seeing myself through the eyes of the little girl who lacked attention, who was abused, bullied, the woman who was rejected over and over and over again (yes, here you can feel sorry for me because I would be a millionaire if I got money for every rejection!),  I was at peace from within.

I started seeing myself as a professional woman, the human being and the kind of person I am. Someone who is living her authentic self, someone who is living her potential and someone who believes in what she stands for: a place where people can be themselves, a place where burnout, depression, mental health, suicide, and much more darkness fade away. – because humanity believes, hopes, helps and connects.

Blessings: Creating my personal website has been one of my biggest blessings. I don’t have many followers or subscribers, but I have touched people’s lives in ways I would never have imagined. And that’s why I do what I do! And the best is yet to come as the beginning of January I will deliver your digital inspiration through a completely rebranded personal website.


Number five: Stop playing small, and start going big

Dark Moment: I resigned from a really well paying and good job at NATO. I had an indefinite duration contract, I worked and fought hard to get it in the first place. When burn out hit me, I asked myself the million-dollar question:

When I am 80 years old, and I look back – will I be happy with my life earning a tax-free salary and having an indefinite contract, but not following my dreams? Or do I want to jump off the cliff, knowing I have tried and trust that I will be fine whatever happens?

The latter was the most difficult decisions of all, but one I never feared nor regret. Living my purpose full time by leveraging my scientifically based strengths signatures creativity, perspective, humor, bravery, curiosity, kindness, and social intelligence is what will significantlly enhance my quality of life!

Lessons Learned: Most of my life I was trying to play small, trying to hide. I could not possibly be this good. What would person x or y say or do? I can actually write a whole journal of people’s statements on me going big, but that would probably get me in trouble! And besides, focusing on people’s opinions and perception is not what you want to do when you are trying to go big. People see and do things based on their map of the world. Compassion. Wish them well, know it is more about them than about you and LET IT GO!

Become conscious of your mortality in plain English – know that you can drop dead any time!!

Blessings: The moment I started to go big by believing in myself, by managing my energy, by building myself up and by just doing it without fear of feeling the negative emotions that come with rejection, failure, exhaustion and so on – Opportunities emerged one after the other. Some I declined because I learned how to listen to my limitations. Others I accepted as they were a source of positive energy and they were in line with my purpose. I fired energy draining people from my life, and I am surrounding myself with the doers, the builders, the fighters and those who dream big and go big!

Find your tribe, find your people, keep challenging yourself, keep falling and keep getting up – free wisdom and experience! Most important of all, keep believing in yourself! Believe, and you will become!


Happy New Year beautiful, amazing and unique people! I wish you and your loved ones the world. My family, my friends, my colleagues and my network are the greatest blessings of all. I want you to live your potential in an age where we can and will redefine the human experience in the digital age!!!

Stories from the heart

Thank you for taking the time and reading my stories, stories written to inspire you. Follow me for more inspiring and motivational blogs & videos on www.inspireshareact.com. Stay tuned for my completely rebranded and redesigned personal website beginning of 2019! Your digital inspiration delivered to your screens!

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