Accidental Contract
You just peed on the stick.
And as you count down the 3 mins before you get the result….
Your WHOLE life flashes before your eyes.
And if you’re anything like me…. you are freaking the fuck out!
I was DEFINITELY not expecting to see a positive result when I peed on that stick.
But there I was, on that cold bathroom floor—- shocked, dumbfounded and confused.
After going through 5 stages of grief for the loss of my Freebird lifestyle…
- Denial: “ I can’t possibly be pregnant; I am on birth control!”
- Anger: “How could I let this F***ing happen…Why me?!!!”
- Bargaining: “I will make a pros and cons list and this will make it all clear and give me all the answers!… Maybe I should take another test.”
- Depression: “I am just going to hide out in my bed and eat Dunkaroos all day cuz damn baby is making me hungry”
- Acceptance: “let’s get real, you always wanted to be a Mama! is it the perfect time? No! But what is the perfect time??? on the positive side the baby daddy is kinda cute and you know he will be an awesome dad. Plus your Catholic upbringing (no matter how much you fought it) will never let you live with the guilt of aborting a child…”
I decided I was going to do this thing, with or without my partner…
And that, ladies, is how my journey into motherhood began…
(Side note: Of course mamas, I am pro-choice; women should have complete autonomy over what happens with their bodies. It’s no one’s right to make her feel guilty for being the healthiest happiest version of herself).
Sign on the Dotted Line
I assure you there’s absolutely nothing fairytale-like about my journey into motherhood.
I was young, naive and completely unaware. My reality was going to be nothing like the Spanish soaps I used to watch growing up. Society brainwashed me to believe that I was going to be a natural caregiver with flowy blonde hair and supple breasts, perfect breastfeeder and chemical-free kinda mama!
Instead, I got more than I bargained for. Hair growth….everywhere. Not just on my head. Tender, bleeding nipples. Oh, did I mention… I went from a Sofia Vergara look-alike to her chunky third cousin twice removed.
Pregnancy was pretty much exactly how I imagined it.
I was a hormonal mess, I would cry for no reason and for the first time in my life, I experienced real ANXIETY…
Like, I mean, elephant-sitting-on-my-chest, panic attacks that felt like my heart was seizing.
I read every book on pregnancy I could get my hands on. Took every course to make myself feel like I was somehow in control of myself and my baby.
I wasn’t. Things were spinning out of control.
No matter what I did, I was not prepared.
I was convinced that since I had so much experience caring for my sisters, nieces and other babies that I was going to be an expert; girl was I WRONG!!!
Once I had my baby, I felt like a brick fell on my head…
You see, no prenatal class, breastfeeding class, not even What to Expect When You are Expecting mentioned that motherhood was not only about birthing a baby but birthing a mom?!?!
WTF does that mean you may ask… Well…
Full Disclosure
I’m not scared to say it. Someone has to step up and start talking about the honest truth about motherhood.
Our society has failed us as mothers.
Failed to warn us of the mental, emotional, physical, financial and relationship changes that knock us out, test us and forever change who we are as women.
They forgot that nurturing the mom is the most important part of becoming one.
That a strong support system doesn’t just happen; it is built.
That you are going to have to make decision after decision on what is best for you and your family almost every day. And then live with the consequences of those decisions.
That you are going forget that your vagina was ever a sexual organ!
[Don’t even get me started on this, ladies. #LabiaFacts #FreakyFriday #SaharaDesert]
No one tells you that childcare options are sooo limited you have to plan years ahead. That every time you call Little Einstein’s they’ll hang up after saying “the waitlist’s 3 years, lady!” to get a spot in daycare. And if you live in the city, you are pretty much screwed.
That at some point if you decide to stay home longer than your maternity leave covers by your employer or government you will have come completely dependent on your partner…
Let’s hope that you picked a good one with a good job or else you better start hustling, find a job or join an MLM company to make it through.
No Vacation Days
Don’t even get me started on the immigrant woman’s experience. I’m from Colombia. And I feel for the women in North America from Korea, Iran, Nigeria, Mexico, India, etc. Her parents in a distant land as she fends for herself and her child. Sometimes with and sometimes without a supportive partner. And sometimes, she wants to break down, and sometimes doesn’t want to have to be strong for her child. Sometimes, she is tired and needs some nourishing herself.
Everyone preaches how self-care is so important, but you mamas know how hard it is to actually do it. Its more than just deciding to take time for yourself is about not having the support, the money, the energy to take that time to say I need ME TIME!
You see, mamas, I am here to talk about the things that no one talks about, the things that get thrown under the rug and we say “oh that’s a personal matter” or “she should have planned better!”
It is not about planning or about knowing, it’s about realizing that there is no system to support mothers and if we don’t start talking, complaining and taking actions we are just getting SCREWED…
5. Lawyering Up
Now, mamas, there IS a light at the end of the….birth canal LOLOL. I have figured some stuff out. And oh boy, it has made life a heck of a lot easier. Don’t get me wrong: I still sometimes fantasize about flying off to Colombia, cracking open a young coconut and throwing on a sundress with a tanned man named Alejandro. But I’ve learned some things the hard way, things I’ll pass to my daughter so that she has it easier. Everything from the mental, emotional, financial, spiritual choices and changes she’ll have to experience.
So here it is. I have always been a problem-solver. That’s why, due to overwhelming demand, I’ve finally created The First Time Mamas Starter Kit. People love it! This is not the kind of info you can just piece together by talking to whichever girlfriend of yours is kind enough to come over, massage your feet and give you quick advice. You can’t Google this. I’m not just gonna tell you to put coconut oil on your aching areolas. I’ll teach you how to mend your own aching heart. This journey is painful and beautiful and transformational and above all else, I’ll give you my honesty.
How to Read the Fine Print
This is a systematic, organized, loving, supportive crash course in how to take care of yourself, make the hard decisions without being hard on yourself and thrive instead of merely surviving.
I’m an expert in the emotional transformation of motherhood. But equally exciting is the diverse panel of experts who come in to teach us, cheer us on, inform us, help us strategize and live the motherhood of our dreams!
We don’t have to accept a package we don’t want. We don’t have to be a stereotype. It’s okay if you’re not always okay. I am here to start a movement. To show women and the people who support them that we can and must design a motherhood that doesn’t feel like martyrdom. You shouldn’t have to eagerly wait for the orange juice to run out to gleefully grab a minute to yourself in the grocery store. What kind of life is that? I’ll show you how to craft your motherhood experience. We all have to help. We all have to get creative and find solutions.
In my course, I don’t hold anything back. I share the good, the bad, the ugly, the stitches all with you in mind, helping you advocate for yourself in a world, a society that ignores, marginalizes and overlooks women who make the ultimate sacrifice: to populate our world with incredible small humans, teach them, love them grow them into our next generation.
From a young age Gicela defied norms; this got her into lots of trouble and the label of the “black sheep” in the family. She questioned everything and refused to conform to anyone’s standards of what girls “should” be. From tumultuous relationships to taking care of her sisters at a young age, she went from troubled teen to a queen on a rocky journey to self-love. From Colombia to U.S.A to Canada, she’s had a colourful life. Her latest chapter has been sexy mamahood. She uses her fiery passion, refreshing honesty, resilience and “never give the hell up” attitude to empower other women to lead unapologetic and authentic lives. Becoming a Mama was a spiritual, emotional adventure, making her unstoppable in her pursuit to bring awareness to the issues that directly affect moms. Her years of research into motherhood, parenting and the female experience has given her the tools to help moms create an experience of motherhood that liberates them from the shackles of social stereotypes. Through Momlenials, she is building a loving, hilarious, strong sisterhood while diversifying options for mamas and ultimately, undefining Motherhood! View all posts by Momlenials
Originally published at momlenials.wordpress.com