You’ve hurt her. You can’t refocus, your thoughts are circling around the issue, you keep reliving the awful scene, refreshing, regretting, rehashing. You wish it had never happened. You were pushed over the limits. You couldn’t control yourself, you know that once your buttons are pushed, you are not the one who will sit in the corner and cry, you will strike very hard. Your justifications prevent you from apologizing. You know you wouldn’t have said what you said had she not escalated the discussion. You were provoked.
You feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and regrets. You should have gone for a walk, taken a breather during the fight. This way things wouldn’t have escalated. But they did so you need to decide what you are going to do. You’re not a passive-aggressive one who can bottle it up and play the everything is fine game. No, this is out of the question. It’s best to get it out of your way, have a conversation and resolve things. You know that it’ll take two.
What now? — you’re asking yourself. You want to free yourself from the overwhelming thoughts and get a closure. You determine you definitely need a conversation. You’re coming up with the plan of action. You’ll explain that she provoked you, you’ll suggest that next time you both take a time out without trying to reach a resolution right away. You’ll remind her about the article you’ve read that successful couples are aware that they’ll disagree 60% of the time.
You think about what you need to express to feel closure, to never have to bring up this subject again, to fully move on. You know: you decide you’ll apologize but you’ll add that there was a reason you acted this way, there was a reason you said what you said. You’ll suggest you both apologize and promise to each other to try not to escalate a heated discussion in the future. You’ll take a break instead. You both should promise this to each other. You feel you’re ready to start a conversation. You know that if you both commit this unfortunate event can be a great lesson you’ll learn from. Actually if you think that every fight makes you get to know each other better, you start feeling ok about all this. You rehearse what you’re going to tell her. Armed with confidence, you walk into the bedroom, see her laying on the bed staring sadly at the ceiling. She looks at you. You look at her thinking of the internal talk you’ve been having with yourself and say: “My Love… I’m sorry.” And this was it. We both got the closure.
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Originally published at medium.com