“You’re always on the go, aren’t you?” How many times have your friends said something like that to you? If you’re a “Mompreneur” — or a high-wattage, multitasking “Superwoman” — then chances are your friends would ask you a question like that lickety-split.
In fact, using the word “multitasking” to describe you is an understatement, considering our already-frenetic culture of galloping hyperactivity. You’re a mom and an entrepreneur — two worlds of rather insane busyness that, when put together, place even greater demands and stresses on you.
As a Mompreneur, you’ve got to take care of the kids and take care of your other child — your business. With your kids hanging on one arm and clients hanging on the other (well, metaphorically speaking in the latter case!), striking a good balance in life can be at least a little challenging.
Or maybe you’re what I call a “multitasking Superwoman.” Sure, you don’t necessarily have young kids in your life, but your life is still a tangled jungle of buzzing activity. You’re checking your phone messages all day long. Meeting with clients at the most inopportune times. And sitting down only for a moment-the-span-of-a-kitten’s-breath to enjoy a glass of red wine before hurriedly hammering off an email to a coworker or client.
With all of this constant busyness, your sexual life can quickly take a downhill turn. Your sex life, in fact, might be entirely non-existent. If you do occasionally have sex (whether with your romantic partner or with someone else), it’s just…not exactly great. Certainly not mind-blowing. The number of orgasms you experience might approach zero. So, for all practical purposes, your sex life is dead. Very dead, compared to the sex life you can potentially have.
If the above sounds like you, then you’ll want to read this. Because here you’ll learn how you can add jolts of vitality to your sex life — without compromising your business or career aspirations. But first, why does a Mompreneur or multitasking Superwoman find sex unenjoyable and unfulfilling?
It’s because so much of sexual pleasure revolves around your brain and mindset. A great deal of sexual pleasure is psychological, and not just physiological. So, because you have so much happening in your life, your brain rarely enters into “sexual appetite” mode. Instead, it’s always in threat-detection mode — scanning the world around you for things you have to do — and then urging you on towards those activities. Your brain doesn’t even shut down at night — which makes it difficult to get all hot and bothered, because your mind is eternally distracted.
Since your brain doesn’t see sexual pleasure as “productive,” it quickly drowns out any attempt at generating sexual interest. Your brain, by the way, thinks it’s doing this to help you — when actually the brain has it backwards: a life without sexual pleasure is likely not the life you want, and so not a life that’s aligned with your journey.
Now, for the good news. What can you do to break down those orgasm-blockers in your life and experience a luscious, orgasmic lifestyle (the kind of life that all women deserve to have)?
Here’s what you can do.
Don’t use electronics at night or in your bedroom. Purge your bedroom of your electronic devices (like smartphones, iPads, etc.), and move them somewhere else. Like the living room. That sends a clear message to your mind that your bedroom is YOUR place of pleasure, where you can do whatever you like — free from the worries and stresses of work. And by limiting your use of electronics to the daytime, you’ll be much more “in the mood” by the time night comes around.
Focus on one task at a time, mindfully — even if your brain wants you to multitask. “Okay,” you might be thinking, “But if I don’t multi-task, I won’t get as much stuff done.” Yet that’s not true, actually. You’re much more productive when you focus on a single task at a time. When your brain can focus, your powers of concentration will increase, as will your ability to solve problems. And that kind of focus translates well in the bedroom — because you’ll be training your mind not to “jump around,” thinking about everything you have to do.
Create a daily transition ritual so you can funnel away your worries at the end of the day. Here’s how to create this sort of ritual:
- Begin by writing down (on your phone or a pad of paper) all of the things you accomplished for the day. This will allow you to tap into positive energy that’ll nudge at your brain and tell your brain, “Hey, good job,” switching from threat-detection mode to reward mode.
- Next, write down all the things you forgot to do, or need to do tomorrow. Maybe it’s picking up dry cleaning. Getting errands done. Prepping lunch for the kids to eat tomorrow. Writing this down lets you know exactly what you still have left to do — which means you won’t have free-floating anxiety drifting in and out of your mind. Thus, your brain will be much more primed for pleasure!
- Get deeply in tune with your body. Start by slowly breathing deeply for 5 full minutes. As the air flows through your body and fills your lungs, feel your body in the present. Let go of the stress that’s been weighing you down. This tells your body and mind that it’s safe and okay to just feel sensations and not worry about everything you have to do.
- Treat yourself! This is important — do something just for YOU! Take a hot bath while enjoying some fine wine. Sip on a cup of tea while perusing your favorite book. Read through some erotic literature. Watch a good movie and just spoil yourself. Treating yourself to things you like to do sends a definite, compelling message to your brain that you are important. You are worthy of peace of pleasure. Try it — you’ll feel more present, more valued, and ready for some hot sex.
If you’re a high-flying, always-busy Superwoman or Mompreneur, then turning the above tips into daily habits will give your life that boost in sexual energy you may have always wanted. Of course, reading this is just the first step — now go and take action! Turn off your phone, take a warm bath, and ready yourself for a friskier, more orgasmic sexual life.
Find out what other personality traits predict sexual hangups here.
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For more insights on how to turn off your busy mind and tune into your senses, join the free 21-days of Bliss program which offers you daily affirmations, guided meditations and inspiring quotes. Visit www.21daysofbliss.com
Originally published at medium.com