Community//

Minimizing The Ego When We Choose Love

How often have people upset you and made you feel disrespected?

How often have people upset you and made you feel disrespected? I know when that happens to me, it is such a bruise to my ego. I either want to scream, cry or hide and never talk to them again- while I stew inside in silence. I’m five years old all over again!

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to check my ego at the door, heal and be better in 2020. I got the opportunity to choose love, instead.

I had a situation when someone extended a social invitation to me tentatively, then followed through in a way that was very last minute. Their actions left me feeling unwanted, like they had an obligation to socialize with me.

In the past, I would have fumed about the situation. Then I would have sent a short, cryptic response. Then I would have never talked to that person again, all the while hating them from afar and wondering “how dare they treat me that way”!?

This time, I told my husband that I was going to be different so I can have peace and in this way, heal my life where I need to do so. In 2020, my goal is to speak up, yet speak up and say my peace with kindness and love. In this way, I check my ego and choose love- towards myself and the other party.

In this case, I told the person that I appreciated their invitation. I told them that I was hurt by their actions, but understood it was an uncomfortable situation for them to manage, too. I wished them well and told them they were always welcome in my life- thus, leaving the ball in their court.

The person ended up calling and apologizing. More importantly, they shared their predicaments and facts. I shared my facts and feelings.

This open and honest communication worked. Every hurt feeling is buttressed by a miscommunication that we can ignore or not. The more we ignore it, the worse the situation gets. Then we miscommunicate more and so on. All of this miscommunication bruises our ego even more, leaving us hurt and angry. This anger and hurt leads to physical stress on our bodies leading to all sorts of proven ills, like acid reflux, ulcers, etc. This is not the right way to love ourselves, nor is it the way to heal ourselves.

In my case this time, I truly felt nothing but love and understanding in my heart. I was still hurt, but I didn’t harbor any ill will. I figured both of us had our own versions of the story and neither were wrong.

What does this mean for you? Stop and consider:

  • When do you choose your ego over loving yourself and honoring your health and self-healing?
  • Next time someone hurts or angers you, what’s one small action you could take based on a new mentality of seeing that person and situation from more acceptance than ego? How can you be brave and communicate best with that person?
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