Michael Cavallaro: “No one ever gave me that chance”

Whether you understand them or not accept and believe them for their experience is something you may never be able to fully understand. — Do your very best to understand them, ask questions and elicit feedback. When you do not understand what they are going through just listen with an open heart, sometimes that’s all they need. No […]

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Whether you understand them or not accept and believe them for their experience is something you may never be able to fully understand. — Do your very best to understand them, ask questions and elicit feedback. When you do not understand what they are going through just listen with an open heart, sometimes that’s all they need.

No one ever gave me that chance. I now listen to others with all my heart and they appreciate it….it is not until now my second wife and a few close friends that have adopted this skill of listening with an open heart and I am truly grateful.

Because I did my personal inner work first I have the skills to teach them how to listen to me and they lovingly and willingly received the education and now use that process with me. This has made my life in our relationship so much better, deeper and more connected.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Michael Cavallaro, an author, artist, mentor, and speaker who has dedicated his life to finding simple, practical tools for making permanent change. He has 40+ years of experience coaching, and has helped thousands of clients to look deeper within themselves and find answers that work for them.

As an international speaker, Michael has lectured worldwide facilitating teamwork seminars, couples/marriage workshops, mediation and coaching in the workplace or personal development classes. Michael is also the author of several books including his first published book, “The 55 Concepts, A Guide to Conscious Living,” as well as, “Change your Mind, Not your Child”, the guidebook, “Searching for OZ — The Journey Home” and his forthcoming book on HSP and Invisible Challenges™.

In 2002, Michael founded “Living Concepts” (LC), a company that provides personal, written, audio instruction on human patterning, belief systems and expanded consciousness. He currently shares a library of free material on his website and produces free live videos quarterly as a contribution to humanity.

Different than a psychic or someone who channels, Michael has the self-described “clairsentient” ability to “sense and interpret the vibrational frequencies of self and others”. He feels and understands the vibrational patterning of quantum physics in regards to the human being. This information is based on his many years as an HSP and having worked with hundreds of HSP’s.

Michael is a father of four, stepdad to two and Pop Pop to five grandchildren. If he is not creating mix media art, you will find him traveling with his wife, Adele, and exploring unseen worlds.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself and what you do professionally?

Hello I am Michael Cavallaro. I am a recovered Highly Sensitive Person. I struggled since birth until my forties with this issue.From as early as I can remember I have felt far more than anyone around me. I have the ability to sense my environment and people in a way that I often preferred not to, but have come to embrace this sensitivity as a gift.

I was born a sensitive. I can remember as early as six years old being intuitive and “seeing and feeling” things. Before that I can remember only feeling things. I felt everything. I cried at any negative or hostile feelings or events, seen or unseen.

My mother was a bit crazy due to her abusive childhood and the fact that they removed her thyroid and could not get her chemistry balanced. Due to this she was quite verbally and emotionally out of wack and at times abusive. She later said she tried hard to be better but she just could not get it together. This by the way carried through her life till she passed at around eighty years old.

Back to me, I was so sensitive that I was easily spotted by bullies as a child. I spent the first six or seven years dealing with bullies and constantly having my feelings crushed by these mean people. At about seven years old I consciously made a choice to change my experience, I was tired of being hurt all the time by damn near everything and so my new life began. I decided to play sports. At the time it was football, basketball and baseball. I did every sport I could, I played sports until I was twenty years old. I worked for my father who had a construction company and worked on developing my “manly man” persona. I no longer wanted to feel the way I felt and be tortured by others so I was willing to take my own life in my hands. Mind you I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but I was damn ready to figure it out on the way. So I toughened up, grew thick skin and became your regular man. You know the type, the one who doesn’t express his feelings rarely shows them and is the typical “everything is okay and I will handle it type person”.

Then around seventeen came the opening to my spiritual and self-discovery movement. At that point I realized that I had gone overboard. But it was too late. This persona carried through into my mid twenties before I could even get a handle on it. Little did I know that this movement of spirituality and self-discovery would never end and become my life’s purpose. Through these difficult and challenging journeys in the changing of my personality multiple times I stayed steadfast on this course. To the point I have created ways to change belief systems, to heal traumas, to treat ADHD, as well as written six books and produced five life altering personal growth programs.

I am from a middle class blue collar family. In my career I have been a carpenter, manager in retail, a salesman, a trainer and an owner and creator of multiple businesses all of which prepared me for my life purpose of being a Master Life Mentor and Clairsentient I have done all these things using my gift and struggling when it created situations I could not control or navigate successfully.

I am joyfully married to my loving wife Adele (not the singer) and have six adult children and five grandchildren.

For the last 38 years I have been a Master Life Mentor and Clairsentient. For fun I like to call myself a recovered HSP and ADHD person. I’ve gone through both of these labels deeply and personally and I have come out the other end a well-balanced human being. Because of this today I assist people in changing their lives by reflecting on what their heart desires to experience in all walks of life. I am an authority on Parenting, Relationships, Self Discovery, Belief Systems and the Human Experience. I have taught in school districts, colleges and the corporate world on these subjects and much more. My recent work is a book called “Invisible Challenges™” for business and relationships to assist people with the HSP challenges both in the work place and personally as well as several other books.

So there is a little bit about me and I hope you find what follows as engaging, interesting and inspiring, that there is the possibility to change anything.

Can you help define for our readers what is meant by a Highly Sensitive Person?

HSP can traditionally be defined as: acute physical, mental, and emotional responses to external (social, people, places, things and environment) or internal (self created, emotional, mental) stimuli.

A highly sensitive person seems to have a sensitive nervous system because they are aware of subtleties in their environment that “normal” people are not while often easily overwhelmed by the things they feel. They often feel different and like they do not fit in.

This is where my experience and opinion expand with an additional view point. There are typically two parts to this.

The first part is a psychic and invisible component. In my experience both with clients and personally, sensitive people “feel” everything and lack the “normal” filters to process energy and people in their environment as well as the thoughts and feelings they have within. However these filters can be developed with the proper mentoring.

The second part is how they were raised and the belief systems they have acquired. Their belief systems will dictate if their sensitivity is toward themselves, others or both.

Does it simply mean that feelings are easily hurt or offended?

No, but it often includes this. Their responses are far more complex and deeper than traditional therapy recognizes. They typically feel so much that it overwhelms their available coping skills which often leads to inappropriate or misunderstood social responses.

I would also like to mention that there seems to be three categories of HSP.

  1. The extrovert
  2. The Moderate
  3. The Introvert

Does a Highly Sensitive Person have a higher degree of empathy towards others?

No and yes, empathy is different than sensitive. Each individual is different in their empathy; in fact there are even times when an individual HSP may shut off their empathy because it is too much feeling.

On the other hand HSPs are often hyper aware of the emotions of others, they think about what others need, and they are concerned with helping others. Sometimes this is due to a form of empathy or compassion. However this focus is often to avoid feeling other people’s feelings. An adept HSP will try to manage other people’s issues to limit the amount feelings they will have to deal with in their environment.

For an HSP, the experience of empathy is not just to “understand” someone’s emotions it is about feeling them. Many HSPs absorb emotions, more accurately they are triggered by the emotions and feelings of others. Even when the individual isn’t visibly expressing emotions HSP’s pick up on them. They also pick up/are triggered by feelings from places as well. In fact I would say that HSP’s are psychic/ intuitive and feel that others cannot see or explain.

Is a Highly Sensitive Person offended by hurtful remarks made about other people?

Yes, they are just like everyone else and sometimes hyper sensitive due to their feeling nature. Typically the sensitivity for others is not as intense when it is about others, especially if they are not a loved one, unless it is directly related to a belief system they acquired as a child.

They are often more sensitive than others because they are feeling the intent and meaning behind the words. Because of this they are feeling and responding to the real message behind the words or even the emotions that are being expressed invisibly. As you can see there are many unseen levels going on simultaneously with and HSP.

This next comment is very important to understand. HSP’s responses are governed by the beliefs they carry and the belief systems they have developed.

Does a Highly Sensitive Person have greater difficulty with certain parts of popular culture, entertainment or news, that depict emotional or physical pain? Can you explain or give a story?

In general this seems to vary from individual to individual. Some do and some do not. One of the challenges is the way the individual judges what they feel and that then results in their experience which in turn creates the adverse experience or not.

Sam and Sue both are HSP. Sam and Sue both hear about a train accident. Sam responds by feeling what he has heard and says to himself….wow that is unfortunate and boy can I feel that pain. Sam then proceeds to get back to his tasks at hand and goes about finishing them. Sue on the other hand says OMG this is horrible, those poor people, what can I do? I wish I could do something. I need to help them and stop their pain. Sue ruminates on this for two days and cannot function properly as being so distracted that she must leave her job.

You can see how the different judgments and responses affected them both and their functionality.

Can you please share a story about how a highly sensitive nature created problems for someone at work or socially?

Mary works in an office with about 20 other people. There is your typical office gossip and complaining. Every time Mary hears is going on she becomes hyper focused on what is being said and begins to pay attention to the mood of others. She’s typically looking for how what they are saying is directly related to her. Once Mary hears anything that she can relate to herself she begins to get emotional. This continues until Mary reaches a point where she is totally upset with the people who are talking about others and she has assumed that some of this conversation is about her. Now Mary’s emotions are heightened in her issues about being accepted or being picked on like she was at home as a child for her sensitivities. At this point Mary is ruminating in her mind of the possible stories and all the feelings that she’s getting both from others and within herself from her past experience. Mary finally reaches a point where she confronts coworkers about what is happening. The people associated with the conversation and whom she confronts begin to shun her and avoid her as they are finding her overemotional and very confrontative. This goes on for a month or so till it finally blows up and the supervisor has to step in to resolve the problem. Mary eventually finds out that what the people were talking about were people from another department and she had felt their dislike and their attitudes but had misinterpreted in as it being about her. Which caused a rift between her and her coworkers. This rift became so great at some point that Mary had to be transferred to another department.

When does the average person’s level of sensitivity rise above the societal norm? When is one seen as “too sensitive”?

There is no stead fast rule but I would say: if you find your self distracted or focused on others more than you, would be one sign you are moving above the societal norm. Too sensitive is when you are distracted or governed by feeling so much from the outside world that it becomes a primary focus or interest with a functional life.

I’m sure that being Highly Sensitive also gives one certain advantages. Can you tell us a few advantages that Highly Sensitive people have?

Some of the advantages of being a highly sensitive person is you can sense when things are going on in your environment almost like a forewarning. If you have learned to become accurate in your interpretation of what you are feeling this is a great benefit. However if you have not polish the skills of interpretation you may make mistakes and create greater problems like Mary in the previous example.

Other benefits:

  • a strong sense of self-awareness
  • they can be better leaders due to their sensitivities and awareness of others
  • they can be great problem solvers
  • they are often intuitive
  • They learn more quickly through an almost osmosis process
  • often have a greater awareness of their environment and the needs of others
  • they feel things before they are even visible
  • they are often a good judge of character

Can you share a story that you have come across where great sensitivity was actually an advantage?

This is a personal story. Ever since I was a child I had the ability to sense if there was danger in my environment. Throughout my whole life I have run about a 95% accuracy on this topic. This has led to many situations were either I told my parents or prevented unwanted situations for myself and my own family.

One example: I was in Rome Italy with my wife Adele, we were walking through a park and it was dusk. There was something that kept telling me to look over my shoulder that there was something going on and I had to watch. After we walked about halfway through the park I spotted a car moving along at the same speed as we were parallel to us and to men walking behind us about 100 yards moving closer to us. Upon this sense we became very aware of the activity of the car and the man and noticed that they kept getting closer the deeper into the park we got. There was no one else around so we decided to quickly exit the park and get back onto a public street. Now I have no evidence but my feeling about the whole event was they were looking to rob us or do something a lot less than friendly and because of my sensitivity we were able to avoid that. As they were very subtle and my wife did not even notice till I told her what was happening.

Things like this happened to me throughout my life both in environmental situations, sales situations and personal friendships. Each time I had these type sensations and I made decisions I found out later that there truly had been something going on beyond what could be seen. This validated my sensitivities and my intuitive decision in regards to them. One thing I did discover that is very important is that interpretation is the key to being an expert with your sensitivities. All too often I have witnessed people interpret through their personal issues and beliefs and create unnecessary situations that were not accurate. It took me quite a few years to perfect the accuracy of my interpretations. I have witnessed many people having sensations like these, misjudge and misinterpret them due to their belief systems. This created more problems and complications than was necessary.

There seems to be no harm in being overly empathetic. What’s the line drawn between being empathetic and being Highly Sensitive?

In my experience I would disagree and say that being over empathetic can cause some personal issues and emotions that are absolutely not necessary. There needs to be some sort of logical balance when being empathetic with others and understanding that what happens to others is up to them to resolve not for us as separate individuals to fix or prevent things for them. If we take up this latter attitude of fixing things you will find yourself in other people’s business, feeling obligated and also judging yourself for not successfully preventing whatever it was.

Empathy is the ability to identify and understand the feelings or emotions of another person. Empathy tends to be more mental with some feeling component. Where as an HSP feels the energy or invisible sensations of the person or environment they are experiencing. They may or may not understand the feelings or emotions of another person. With practice and maturity most HSP’s develop the skills of identifying and understanding when they become familiar with the sensations that they feel.

Social Media can often be casually callous. How does Social Media affect a Highly Sensitive Person? How can a Highly Sensitive Person utilize the benefits of social media without being pulled down by it?

Yes this is true about social media and often times HSP’s are repulsed by those types of environments and yet at the other extreme they may become a little aggressive if they feel attacked or triggered into one of their belief systems that tells them this is a negative and attacking experience. On the other hand they may simply avoid these things altogether to avoid feeling the harshness of others.

It is my opinion that anyone using social media should do an internal check as to their motivation and purpose for using social media to discover if they are substituting or replacing human interaction with this medium because it is actually easier and creates less triggers and challenges than in person human contact. They must also check to see if they have the balance within to handle poorly communicated written information that can be taken any way based upon the mental or emotional state of the individual reading. This would make an HSP highly vulnerable to adverse feelings if they have personal issues, low self-esteem or other negative or limiting family belief patterning’s.

In addition to the human component HSP’s must be aware and conscious of how electronics affect them. The energy given off of electronic devices can interfere and distort the electromagnetic/ energy field of the human body. Which in turn can affect emotions and the physical body.

How would you advise your patient to respond if something they hear or see bothers or affects them, but others comment that that are being petty or that it is minor?

I always advise my clients to check with in first before responding to external stimuli. All of their answers lie within and if they can learn how to access them and trail the inner emotions to the reason they are having them they will be able to respond appropriately. I share with all of my clients that all of our emotions come from within us they do not come from external stimuli. Emotions are created and are formed by belief systems. So, under every emotion is a belief. It is not the stimuli that is the problem it is the feeling and judgment you make internally about the external perception of the external stimuli that gets us lost in emotion. External stimuli simply trigger the internal beliefs that you carry and then you respond. So by realizing that the answers are within and you are at the core having created them either consciously or unconsciously empowers you to be free of these unnecessary or negative experiences. Remember all answers to your life lie within you. You have the power to create not just react!

What strategies do you recommend to your patients to overcome the challenges that come with being overly sensitive without changing their caring and empathetic nature?

To recognize that they cannot heal the world or cease the world’s pain. To understand that they are only responsible for healing and caring for their own pain. They may then share their wisdom with others who have the option to do so themselves. It is best if they relinquish all forms of obligation or need to control their environment or the experiences of others and yet have compassion for what others go through while allowing them to have their own unique experiences.

Most importantly become aware of and change any beliefs you have that support your challenges or make your life anything less than joyful or pleasant. This is, in my expert opinion, the only source of permanent change.

What are the “myths” that you would like to dispel about being a Highly Sensitive Person? Can you explain what you mean?

Myth number one: HSP’s can stop being sensitive at will and are overdramatic.

All too many times people with HSP’s will think that the HSP is being extremely dramatic and that no one can possibly be that sensitive. Especially parents raising an HSP who have no idea what they have on their hands. HSP’s feel! This is what they do and this is who they are. Telling them to stop feeling or believing that they can turn it off at will is like asking yourself to stop breathing. It is like most anything else until you have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes you do not really understand them. Thankfully most people will not ever walk in and HSP’s shoes. You should feel blessed that you do not have to deal with the challenges that they have. They have to deal with everyday challenges like every other human being and on top of it they have almost superhuman feelings senses which intensifies their entire life experience. Be patient, be kind even when you don’t understand them and they will be forever grateful. I know I was when I found the few people who treated me this way.

Another myth is: HSP’s are broken or there is something wrong with them.

This is absolutely false. Yes it is true that HSP’s have difficulty filtering things in the world that other people do not see or feel. But the truth is that if they can master the senses they actually have superpowers and can do, feel, sense and know things that the average person cannot. In my opinion the coolest thing about an HSP is that because they feel so much they are connected with their heart which gives them the ability to see and feel intimacy, love, compassion, kindness at a deeper level than the average person. This ability to be so connected to their heart has the potential to bring loving change to this world that needs it so badly.

As you know, one of the challenges of being a Highly Sensitive Person is the harmful, and dismissive sentiment of “why can’t you just stop being so sensitive?” What do you think needs to be done to make it apparent that it just doesn’t work that way?

One of the most beautiful responses I have ever heard to this dismissive statement above was from a 10 year old at a summer camp we were running for sensitive children: “I cannot stop being so sensitive anymore than you can take your nose off of your face”. It made me chuckle.

The only real thing to create understanding is to educate people about HSP’s in open honest conversation. This will of course take time.

Also an HSP should know that they are what they are and that it is a special gift. They should also know that many or even all of their sensitivities can be modified through conscious exploration and inner personal development. I myself personally have overcome all of my sensitivities that were negative to my experience and have developed my sensitivities to serve me in a way that they are a gift. Knowing this personally and firsthand is why I’m able to make the statement that “anything can be changed”. But just because it can be changed doesn’t mean it will or that every individual will want to that is completely unique unto each person.

Next they should know never change for others. If you want to change you change because it makes your life better and it somehow turns your sensitivity into your gift. Do not be affected by other people’s judgments or opinions. Seek your own answers and desires from your heart not from the mind, words or influences of others. This is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. You cannot stop being who you are but you change the way you experience or interpret it. In doing so it should serve you not others. In other words love yourself and you will find your gift, in fact you will find that you are the gift. If an HSP can created knowing within them about what I’ve just said they no longer have to take it personal or find it insulting when people do not understand. If they can reach that level of consciousness and have their sensitivities is a gift they will actually be further ahead than most people as far as personal growth.

Ok, here is the main question for our discussion. Can you share with us your “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person? Please give a story or an example for each.

1 . Your sensitivities are truly a gift- start to see your sensitivities as an extra sense that can tell you about people, places, things and events.

Until I was able to see my sensitivities as a gift I struggled with them as a curse. I really wanted to see them as a gift but I just didn’t know how as they always created struggle and strife with people who seem to be “normal”. And then one day, and I remember this day as if it was happening now, I realized that even the normal people were different and had their own challenges. They simply weren’t like mine. There just happened to be more people in that category, but their struggles were as real as mine. And like a light bulb that went off in my head I heard “not everyone thinks the same”. Now I knew this logically but somehow this registered in my heart as a deeper meaning and understanding. This helped me to not only see that I could turn my sensitivities into a gift but also created great compassion and a greater acceptance of everyone else and their unique experiences. As of today I have turned my HSP challenges into clairsetienent skills. Because of this “clairsentient sight” it allows me to help people expose beliefs and information from their unconscious mind to their conscious mind so that they can make changes in their life that creates the life they would love to live.

2. Focus on developing your inner wisdom — use your sensitivities to develop your intuition in your heart connection to your own inner knowing.

For me developing my inner wisdom and intuition has been the greatest gift I gave to myself. It taught me that instead of being a victim to other people’s opinions and gauging my worth and value on their validation I could validate myself and was no longer victim to their judgments or criticisms. This enabled me to become the Master Mentor that I am and created greater compassion for those who do not understand me. It allowed me to become a superb manager and leader both in the corporate world and in my own business. Because of this I could understand people better and see more than they were actually saying. This allowed me to help them, manage them and perform well at my job. Not to mention it made me an excellent parent by knowing and understanding my children much more deeply of which I am forever thankful.

3. Everything that you feel does not belong to you — remain conscious of the fact that most of what you are feeling is not yours. Also remain conscious that much of the way you interpret what you are feeling is due to childhood induced belief systems and typically are not accurate or your own. Keep reminding yourself that you are separate from what you are feeling and develop your interpretive skills.

For many years I believe everything that I felt was mine. I reacted and responded to things and feelings that did not even belong to me. Because of my sensitivities my feeling of feelings was so strong I could not discern the difference between my feelings and other people’s feelings. This is one of the greatest challenges for an HSP. When I would interact with other people I had to do my best to remain aware of what I was truly feeling both before during and after my encounter with other people. After some time I became adept at this and was able to discern a feeling that would occur when I would begin to pick up on other people’s feelings. That was just the beginning. After that I had to learn how to respond in socially acceptable ways while I was internally dealing with this awareness within and trying to attempt to not respond out of those feelings that were almost overwhelming and appeared to be mine. When I got into belief work and family belief patterning was when it all really began to change for me. From that I developed a system to teach others to expedite their discernment skills. It was quite challenging to socially interact with others, discern what feelings were mine and not while choosing what behaviors and responses I would use in my social situations. In the end I developed the miraculous skill of knowing what feelings were mine, how to dispel them and remain in touch with my own heart and personal awareness.

4. Trust your intuition and develop your ability to interpret what you feel accurately — learn to trust your intuition and your newly developed ability to accurately interpret things you feel. When in doubt or unsure of the true meaning of what you are feeling ask questions to validate what you are sensing as accurate or inaccurate.

In every social interaction I would practice my intuitive and interpretive skills. I would begin to ask people questions unbeknownst to them I was attempting to validate my accuracy. I would highly advise anyone who is an HSP to practice the skills, they are life altering. They change the way you interact with people and your ability to have successful loving and balanced relationships. This became extremely evident in my marriage for these skills allowed me to communicate with transparency and honesty what I was feeling and validate what was accurate and not. Communication is the key to all relationships. However one must remember that communication is both listening and expressing. And believe it or not listening is the most valuable one. At least that has been my discovery.

5. The beliefs you hold and your sensitivities can be changed by changing your consciousness. Find and use a method such as the belief change technique found on my website http://itstimetoawaken.com to dissolve and change your belief systems. By doing this you will automatically shift a large percentage of your sensitivities from being intolerable to a completely tolerable gift.

When working with clients I always make sure that they understand you are the only one who can change your experience and that fixing or changing others does not make any permanent change. Real lasting change comes from raising your consciousness while dissolving all belief systems that limit you. Once my clients understand this is very easy for me to work with them. However in the beginning just like I did, most people want to blame or see the outside world as the source for their challenges. This makes for slow if any change and at times I will find a client that is so resistant to taking ownership of their own change I suggest that they find another mentor. You see in my life experience and the hundreds of people I’ve worked with the one common denominator that always shows up with any permanent change is that the individual is willing and does take responsibility for their own perceptions, experiences and change. When I finally reach that stage everything began to move quickly in life became much more fluid and enjoyable. I see the same thing occur with my clients when they finally accept that they are the creators of their own experience whether they are conscious or unconscious of it or not.

Can you share with us your “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive If You Love Or Are In A Relationship With A Highly Sensitive Person. Please give a story or an example for each.

1 . Respect and try to understand their sensitivities and gifts. — Begin to see that your loved one is extremely unique and gifted. When they speak of their sensitivities do your best to listen and advise in any way that will make their life and integration with others easier. Also know that you are quite fortunate to have someone who can feel and sense so deeply and that this uniqueness will make it possible for you to have a very connected relationship.

My parents never truly realized what was going on with me. I was seen as a “bad or disruptive child” because at the time there were no understandings or diagnoses for HSP’s, ADHD or focus issues. So if you happen to be a loved one of an HSP listen to what they are saying and do your best to have an appreciation for what they are saying and struggling with. Do your best not to blow them off because you don’t quite understand or believe what they are saying. I remember feeling crushed when I would tell my parents about what I was feeling and they would tell me that it’s not true and to stop behaving that way. For the longest time I was angry with them for treating me this way. Not until later did I realize that they simply did not know or have any concept of what I was actually saying. When I realize that I was able to forgive my parents for their mistreatment and ignorance of my condition. This relieves a great burden off of me. So make peace with your loved HSP and let them make peace with you. Love each other as much as you can.

2. Whether you understand them or not accept and believe them for their experience is something you may never be able to fully understand. — Do your very best to understand them, ask questions and elicit feedback. When you do not understand what they are going through just listen with an open heart, sometimes that’s all they need.

No one ever gave me that chance. I now listen to others with all my heart and they appreciate it….it is not until now my second wife and a few close friends that have adopted this skill of listening with an open heart and I am truly grateful.

Because I did my personal inner work first I have the skills to teach them how to listen to me and they lovingly and willingly received the education and now use that process with me. This has made my life in our relationship so much better, deeper and more connected.

3. Do your best to have open, transparent and clear communication with each other. — The more transparent. Relationship of the Clear your communication the more fulfilling and connected your relationship will be. You must be equally as clear as you are requiring them to be. Keep them on task and require that they explained to you in their very best language what they are going through and feeling. Explain to them that you are asking this so that you can more deeply understand them and improve your relationship.

I as the HSP had to learn to communicate and teach others to do the same. Patience on my part was required. It was quite challenging for me to have to manage my sensitivities and learn the skills in order to be able to teach those around me so that they can understand me. I did however find that the only way I was going to get what I needed. Little did I know that I would be using this as my skill set as a Master Mentor helping others in all walks of life. So once again my sensitivities drove me to creating a beautiful skill that I actually can share with the world. I want whoever is reading this to understand that I truly know what is happening inside an HSP because I have been one. I no longer consider myself to be an HSP but as I joked earlier in this writing I often will say I am a recovered HSP. Now I see myself with all of my skills and belief changes that I have made as a clairsentient which literally means clear sensing or the ability to clearly sense, perceive or feel things. More simply put it is the ability to perceive what is not perceivable. Love your HSP, be kind, considerate and compassionate while you learn their language and how they feel and sense differently than you and you will find a much richer relationship than you ever anticipated.

4. Ask them how they need you to support them to make your relationship better.-Ask them directly what they need from you and how it needs to be presented so that it is palatable and understandable to them.

In my book the 55 Concepts there is a concept that says learn to speak other people’s language. Almost all of my clients say that this was key to improving their relationships. We all must learn to speak so other people can understand. This requires us to understand how people listen and in order to do that we must listen to them in order to understand them and their language. By doing so we show that we care about them and our relationship with them. We are also telling them “I want to truly know you” not what most people do by wanting others to understand them. You show love and the desire to understand which often touches the heart of the person you are doing this with. This also lets them know that it is safe to speak to you from their heart. Most importantly no matter what they say to you you cannot use it against them in the heat of the moment or to manipulate them. If you do so you will break their trust. If you keep these understandings of their heart sacred they will trust you and reveal more of their inner beauty to you. This will benefit you far beyond your belief and it will convey a loving integrity that will not be forgotten by an HSP or probably anyone else either. By you asking them and understanding what they want or how you can support them and then you doing so you are also speaking the language of love. However I must note: never do something that goes against your own heart or your own intuition. An HSP that is honest will completely understand this and not expect anything other than that.

All too many times on my journey I would explain myself to others and they would say they understand and then either do the opposite or proved to me that they didn’t understand and it would create such disappointment in humanity for me. I truly appreciated when people said they did not understand and when they asked for greater understanding. A truly allowed me to feel heard and cared about. That was all I ever really wanted when I was younger and I didn’t care if you disagreed or agreed with me. Just the fact that you took the time to hear me and understand me conveyed to me your loving consideration.

5. Tell them how you need to be supported in order to understand them and make your relationship more loving and enjoyable. — Be clear to them that the way they asked for support and you are trying to provide it that it is now your turn to request what you need. Do not underestimate their ability to communicate even if their current communicative skills are lacking. Explain to them how by doing things in a way that you have requested and saying things in the way that you have requested will make it easier for you

Now it’s your turn to do what I had to do. You have to learn how to tell your HSP how you need to be supported in order to understand them and deepen your relationship together so that you can have the love and experience you want. This is a two-way street where you get what you want and your HSP gets what they want as much as possible. Anything that is not possible at the moment is decided upon and constructively worked toward. You must be honest and forthright and what you desire. But your desires must also be logical, reasonable and rational so that they are attainable for both parties.

Explain to them why you need what you need and how to provide it for you so there is no guessing going on. If you are not clear and precise they will have to guess at what you want and they will usually use their feelings sense to do their best at guessing what you are asking for. This does both of you a disservice. There should be no guessing involved in both parties should be clear in what they are saying and also clarify what they are hearing. This shows both the love for yourself and your HSP. Self-love must come first in any relationship for without having the love within yourself you would not have any to share with your partner or loved ones. Be sure to be clear on how and why you are requesting what you are requesting. Some HSP’s have not fully developed their human skills and therefore many requests that seem simply emotional will not make sense. They will often then feel that something is up and not want to comply or approach it with a lack of trust and suspicion. I cannot emphasize enough how your clear communication is your avenue to a smoother more enjoyable relationship.

For me and my clients I have discovered that this clarity is one of the foundational keys to any relationship and is absolutely required to have a deeply connected relationship. I know that with my wife Adele that this type of communication has made our relationship smoother and enjoyable as well is created deep bonds of trust.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

The movement I would love to inspire is for each and every person to have the desire to discover their own inner wisdom and self-love. Once they have discovered this; will to live a life from their heart and by example whereby all people are equal, are loved, have attained self-love and that love is shared with others. To make sure that all beings on this planet are cared for, respected and honored for whom they are and whatever gifts they have to bring to this planet. Most of all: may everyone live and create a fulfilled, loving and joyful life in whatever way makes their heart sing.

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