Question: Hey, Allana. My question’s a little off topic, but I want your advice. I overheard a coworker mention to someone else that she was pregnant, but she didn’t want to tell anyone because she was up for a promotion. While I understand where she’s coming from, I still think it’s messed up because she will screw over the entire team when she wants to take maternity leave. Should I say something to someone?
Answer: On a scale of 1 to 10 of kindness, you’re not at a 10 of kindness right now. Do you realize you were a baby at one time? Somebody actually pushed you out. Somebody actually screwed over team so that you could be on the planet. Can you take a different perspective about this? Babies aren’t evil, and people wanting to have babies aren’t evil. The world is still here, and people are still having babies, so is it possible that the team won’t be screwed over, that there’s some other possibility here, rather than be so competitive and single-focused, okay?
It’s a miracle and beautiful if somebody wants to have a baby. I don’t know if you’re a man or a woman asking this question, but it’s a challenge, as a woman, to have this masculine side of do drive, and we want to succeed, and we want to make things happen. Then, we have this other side where we want to bring in a child. We want to be a mother. We want to nurture another person into a person like you, or a person like me, or a person like yourself, like we have these two things. So many female clients lose their sanity. They feel horrible all day at work, because they’re not being a good mother, and they feel horrible being when they’re with a mother, because they’re feeling this, the team thinks they’re being screwed over, right? It’s like a lot of guilt, and shame, and drama going on in the inside. It’s not an easy choice to make.
Maybe you could be nice instead of mean about this. Maybe you could totally take a different perspective, like what’s possible here. What is possible? What if somebody, when she was gone, somebody awesome else was able to step up or step in in a way that couldn’t happen otherwise had she still been there? She has every right to not want to lose a promotion to have a baby. But I mean, what world do we live in that you have to be conniving and all this behind-the-scenes coworker bullshits going on when all you want to do is have a family? Families aren’t bad. They’re not a bad thing. They’re a good thing.
I invite you to not continue the gossip, or continue to undermine, or stab somebody in their back. But with yourself first, just have a conversation of, “Am I coming from love or fear? Am I coming from fear that somebody else is going to screw over my life because they want to do what they want to do and I’m get the dregs?” And is that really true? Because if there’s a deep awareness that your team is about to fall, go find another team. Go find another job. You’re always an adult. You’re always at choice. You can always create anything you want. You’re not a victim, okay?
If this awareness is accurate, then don’t be all blamey about it, just go create something else. Just go, “I am bigger than my circumstances. I am going to create something else. Should this happen, I’ve got my plan B.” You know? Okay? If this is not an awareness, if this is just straight fear, then whenever we make a choice from fear, it’s going to bite us in the ass. Don’t do that. Nurture, heal that fear.
Wait a minute. Source, my success, isn’t from this job. I got to clench and I got to get it. It’s like, “Wait a minute, no. Source is everywhere. I can have success in all sorts of different ways. What other possibilities are available here? How could this actually be the best thing that could even happen to me?” Start asking some different questions so that you’re coming form openness, choice, possibility, empowerment, not lack, fear, anger, competition, this kind of thing.
I really believe the universe doesn’t give us anything against us, you know, to take us down. I really think the universe is always on our side. Now, the way that it presents the capacity to grow often pisses us off. I agree. But if you can lean in, sit in the fire, stay open with your heart, and your mind, and possibilities, quite often, the most challenging situations, like a springboard, right, create the most incredible openings and success in our life. So what if this is one of those, okay?
I would definitely never go behind someone’s back and stab them. I think that’s bad karma, and it’s going to happen to you. Let me just say I warned you. I would never do that. But, you could go into conversation with her. You could say, “I overheard this. Can I just be straight with you? First, I’m really happy for you. And second, I’m really scared, like concerned,” whatever you want to say, “about the team.” You know, just talk. Just be human. If you live in such a cutthroat environment in this job that you can’t even have those kind of conversations, I would question why you’re there. There’s a different choice in life. You don’t have to have life be so cutthroat.
There’s a beautiful book. What’s it called? Diamond Cutter. I think it’s called The Diamond Cutter. Can’t remember who it’s by. It’s by like a bunch of people. It’s a Buddhist business book. Not one of the four quadrants that you’re meant to do every day is say something to somebody and mess so then the whole team doesn’t get messed up. That’s not one of the things you do.
You take, you give, you take care of your colleagues, of your suppliers, even of your competitors. There’s this sense of if you nurture and nourish every quadrant in your life business-wise, that the universe is like, “Well, if this person’s supporting everybody else, they must have their own life handled,” and the universe comes in and your life always seems to be handled. It’s a different mentality.
I started using it in my business when I started to get really scared and I started to get really into lack and competition. Once a day, I had to do something for my competitors. It was really awful until it was wonderful, because it really made me face my fears that the universe doesn’t have my back. For me, helping my affiliates, yes, or my clients, yes, my community, yes, but helping my competition out, how can I help you thrive, asserts that all my needs are taken care of. It makes me feel like a queen. The results in my business, financially and otherwise, are a result of it. It works. That would be my coaching, okay? Thank you for your question. So glad you reached out. Thank you for this intimate, raw dialogue that we’re having together.
All right, all my love.
Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcast, blog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.