Lucy Shahjahan: “Know thyself”

I want to let the entire population know that having a soulmate relationship is their birthright. When you do deep work on yourself, you can absolutely create the life of your dreams. As a part of my series about “How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Lucy Shahjahan. Lucy is […]

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I want to let the entire population know that having a soulmate relationship is their birthright. When you do deep work on yourself, you can absolutely create the life of your dreams.

As a part of my series about “How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Lucy Shahjahan. Lucy is the founder of Soul to Soul Global and author of Don’t Sh*t In My Vortex (January 28, 2021). An expert on love and relationships, her passion is helping high-achieving single women step into embodied leadership, connect to their true selves, and attract their soulmate relationship in the process — all in a matter of months.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

I was living in Australia and I had the perfect life on paper. I lived on Sydney Harbor, had a great job, good friends, super social but something was missing. I thought it was the man, but it was actually the connection with my heart. I had a wake up call when I realized just how unhappy I was and I kept thinking how did I get here? I wasn’t excited to be turning 30 because I wasn’t where I wanted to be.. Everyone around me was getting married and I kept attracting emotionally unavailable men.

After a lot of tears, I knew something big had to change, I quit my job and realized that it was time to listen to my heart and do whatever it was going to take to get back to me. The people pleasing had to stop. The trying to fit in and just do what I thought I “should” be doing had to stop. Deep down I knew what I truly wanted to do was to act. auditioned for a top acting school in NYC and weeks later I was packed and off to NYC to pursue my dream.

Fast forward, and after a few years of living the acting dream and playing Hillary Clinton in a one woman show I knew I had a deeper calling. I wanted to inspire women to be the fullest unapologetic version of themselves. My coaching business was born and I began helping single professional women attract love.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

YES! I’m launching my first book in Jan 2021 called “Don’t Sh*t In My Vortex” which is a book to empower women to know that having a soulmate is their birthright. Once they step into who they were born to be with firm boundaries and self love, they can have a relationship and anything that they desire. I’m so eager for this book to be in the world and to open as many hearts as possible.

Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?

I came into this world as an outwardly confident person. That came naturally, but deep down I didn’t feel confident. On my 30th birthday, it hit me that I had been living all these years without a solid foundation of self love. I was massively overcompensating, overgiving and putting everyone else first. I was constantly seeking approval and validation from my mum and giving my power away. When I realized what had been going on all my life, I knew I needed to do the deep work to shift my mindset, step into my greatness, and be the unapologetic version of me.

My whole life had been spent trying to fit inside a box when really I was a giant hexagon! Once I accepted that I’m a big light with big work to do on this planet, I set off on a life changing journey of transformation. Thank God I did, because my life is epic now, and a stark contrast to my past.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

So many of my clients come to me hating their body or how they look. They think that’s why they are single and not deserving of love. All this stems from how we received love as a little girl or boy. When you aren’t emotionally supported and loved the way that you need as a child, it affects how you see and feel about yourself. It all comes down to self worth. When you love yourself you speak lovingly to yourself and eat healthy nourishing foods and create healthy boundaries. When you feel worthless and unlovable you use food, alcohol or drugs to numb the void and the feelings of unworthiness and abandonment.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Let me first say that without loving yourself and making yourself your number one priority every single day, you won’t ever be able to attract the big love that you desire. Without self love we are walking through life on autopilot leading with a lot of protection and a lot of walls up. So until self love takes the seat at the head of the table, you’ll keep being let down and feeling disappointed that you’re not where you’re meant to be. I teach women how to fall in love with themselves and to be their own soulmate first so they can attract their soulmate and all their juicy desires.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

People stay in bad relationships because they don’t trust love or have high expectations of it working out. If you aren’t showing up for yourself with deep reverence , self acceptance and deep self love, you’re not going to expect it from someone else. You’ll continue to settle with the bare minimum because you think that’s all your worth.

When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

These questions and moments of self reflection hit me like a freight train. When I got quiet enough to be with myself and look at my life, I was horrified to see that I was treating myself terribly. I had no boundaries, no self expression and my attempts at people pleasing were eating me alive. On top of that I was binge drinking every weekend and numbing the chaos that was circulating beneath the surface. I honestly didn’t even know how bad it was.

Once I let myself see the truth and sit with the truth. I started doing the deep internal work and so much came up that needed to be healed. I needed to deal with my abandoned little girl within, who was heartbroken after losing her father at the age of eight. It was a tough journey but it was also liberating and profound and it wasn’t until I made this inner work my priority that I was able to change my life. I’m so glad I did.

So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

This right here is everything. I used to be that person that constantly had to be busy and had to be around other people. It was just me running from myself. When you establish and cultivate a healthy loving relationship with yourself, you relish having that sacred alone time to be with your thoughts and yourself.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

One of my favorite quotes is, “Know thyself.” It’s impossible to let love in when you don’t know yourself well. When you get to know yourself on a deep level, you create intimacy with and for yourself. We live in an energetic universe so when you are dialed in with yourself first, you’re going to find it easy to attract that awesome relationship you’ve been missing in your life.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

Get support, get a mentor. Find your tribe. Don’t be too proud to get the support you deserve. Top athletes have coaches. Therapy is a slow road, but when you engage in a process and with a community where you can see yourself in other people’s stories, it’s incredibly healing. Find a mentor that you are excited about who is further down the path than you who has created a life that you want.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

It’s so many things, but the bottomline is loving yourself. Feeling my gratefuls every day before I start my day. Looking at myself in the mirror and really connecting with myself. Soaking in a bath with essential oils to relax. Dancing to my favorite soundtrack that lifts my spirits and raises my vibration. Lots of hugs with my baby girl, my dog and my husband.

When I was single, I used to hug myself and look in the mirror telling myself all the things I love about me and what I’m proud of.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I adore everything about Dr. Joe Dispenza. His book, Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself is next level and I recommend it for wherever you are on your journey. It is science based and the meditations are phenomenal.

One of Deepak Chopra’s earliest books, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, had a profound impact on me. I love how he uses nature to share the laws of the universe. It’s incredibly powerful and easy to understand and digest.

Florence Scovel Shinn’s, The Game of Life and How to Play It, is like a Bible to me. It’s full of great wisdom and knowledge. You can keep coming back to and each time it will give you nuggets of gold.

Ester Hicks, who channels Abraham, is my top pick for The Law of Attraction. I can listen to her YouTube videos all day. She is funny and her content is absolutely incredible.

Last of all, I love Mama Gena’s, The School of Womanly Arts because she dives deep into the world of pleasure and play which are the key ingredients to a fulfilling life. It’s a super fun read for anyone wanting to explore their passionate side.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…

I want to let the entire population know that having a soulmate relationship is their birthright. When you do deep work on yourself, you can absolutely create the life of your dreams.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

“You can lie down and let a lion lay it’s paws all over you, or you can get on its back and ride it.” I read this quote at sixteen and it’s always stayed with me. You can live like life is being done to you and be in the victim state, or you can live like life happens for you and you get to create whatever you put your mind to. I truly believe that anything is possible when you believe you can have that desire.

I believe that love is the highest currency and that attracting your soulmate is an inside job. No matter what your circumstances are, you are not wounded and there is nothing to fix. It’s about getting into the right vibration and upleving your mindset and beliefs. Then you can truly have whatever life you desire.

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