With the flurry of couples Valentines messages all over social media this year, for some, it can be another reminder that they are single. Especially in the midst of lockdown, where people are already feeling isolated, missing human connection and touch. A reminder that life hasn’t went as they would have liked, that their relationship has ended, that they don’t have a partner. For some, it can even bring up feelings of loneliness, grief, failure, even unworthiness or feeling ‘unloveable’.
It can bring up a whole host of emotions which can be difficult to sit with, not knowing what to do, except focus in the old hurts, past pains and the tidal wave of emotions.
But the thing is, our worthiness, our happiness and how we feel is all down to us. We are responsible for those things in ourselves.
Our sense of value doesn’t come from another person, from a job, from a house, a salary or anything external. It always comes from within.
Nor is it our job to make anyone else feel good either- that comes from them. Sometimes we might make others feel good and sometimes we might not, but no one can rely on that or they will never find true happiness.
You see, we get to decide. And once we realise that we have that control for ourselves, things become so much easier. I figured out a few years ago that life doesn’t have to be a struggle, we can all learn confidence and self acceptance. We can learn to accept the deepest, darkest parts of ourselves- it takes a journey of self discovery, a journey back to love and peace, from within.
But it doesn’t happen overnight- no one goes to the gym once and walks away with a six pack! We often turn to the fast food version of self acceptance and think it will happen overnight. Well it doesn’t. Its a repeated choice over and over again, each and every single day. To process.. to release, to heal. To create healthy relationships with healthy boundaries and live in alignment with who you truly are.
You see, without self love and self acceptance, we are empty, neurotic and out of control, looking for our sense of self worth in all the wrong places.
Numbing ourselves with things like alcohol, food, material things.. busy being busy. External distractions. But when we find peace within ourselves, when we learn to accept ourselves- the good and the bad, we learn compassion and forgiveness, for ourselves and others and we can really start living.
I am a great believer in rituals, we all have rituals in our day and our lives, we may just not consciously think about them. They are our habits that most of us do subconsciously and are programmed as we grow up or learned as we go about daily life. Ancient traditions understood the power of rituals in reinforcing habits and changing the way we see and create our reality, even from a long time ago.
If you look at any highly successful person, you will find some form of ritual in their daily routine and as simple as they sound, they can be life changing.
Here are some rituals you can do this Valentines if you find yourself feeling low…
Our bodies are amazing and wonderful and actually can create the chemicals we need naturally to feel good. Oxytocin is nature’s love hormone and there are things we can do to release it ourselves. Our bodies produce oxytocin naturally, but if you want to feel the love, so to speak, try these natural ways to increase it…
*Spend time with people you love, online, in person. Even your pets. Anything is possible when it comes to love. Connection is crucial to our sense of wellbeing.
*Focus on gratitude. Instead of what you don’t have, focus on what you do. It reinforces happiness and positivity by shining light on the amazing things, small or big, that grace your lifer already.
*Have a pamper day, do something special, just for you. Give yourself a self massage to bring you back into balance, increase circulation and release important chemicals in your body.
*Work out, do some yoga release the endorphins to reduce pain and increases pleasure. Its science!
*Do something creative, write, sing, dance, cook. Express yourself on the physical plane.
*Be kind to others, tell someone how much you care about them or do something for others, selfless behavior can also promote oxytocin release.
*Read messages, letters and things that people have said nice about you that will uplift you.
*Watch a good movie or read a good book
*Look at photos and memories that make you feel happy. The things that you feel proud about, the people you love.
*Have an orgasm, it’s a key way to raise dopamine and oxytocin levels to reduce stress and make you feel good.
*Rest, take a nap with some soothing music on.
*Do a loving kindness meditation to help reduce stress and anxiety, improve your mood, and help you feel more compassion toward yourself and others.
So instead of thinking about what you don’t have, think about what you do and show love to the most important person- you. Have a lovely day. Each and every day. No matter what day of the year it is and embrace every opportunity to learn and grow, to accept and love yourself more.