As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Eiram A Nairb is a Mindset and Manifestation Expert at The Blue Optimist. Titling herself the “Inner Magic Release Specialist,” Eiram shares knowledge on how to connect with the best version of yourself to create the life of your dreams.
Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.
Well, I actually struggled with anxiety and depression for years without even knowing it. I eventually ended up in a psychiatric hospital against my own will, but I learned so much about myself through that experience. However, I still struggled greatly for several years after that.
It took me years to figure out that the one thing I had been missing all this time was self-love. I was conditioned to tear myself down, and that’s how I lived my life for quite some time. Once I made the decision to love myself unconditionally, things only blossomed from there. But admittedly, it was a very rough process. My mental health wasn’t in the best condition, and I needed to heal that part of myself before I could even think about going out there and living my best life. But I wanted to be better, so I just kept putting one foot in front of the other which ultimately led me here.
My Mom is a therapist, and my late grandmother worked in the same field. I think there was a bit of guilt surrounding the fact that I was suffering from mental illness when I had all these mental health experts around me. I didn’t want to make them look bad. I always wanted to be this vision of strength for everyone around me, and the last thing I wanted to admit was that I was mentally unwell. I know that there are probably many others who feel that same way. So, I eventually decided to start a blog where I shared my experiences and wisdom I had acquired throughout my journey. From there, I started to connect with others who were on the same wave, and I ended up building this whole business around the power of our mind.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?
Oh yes! I absolutely am. I am actually working on getting two of my books published, both which are geared towards unveiling the best version of yourself. I am all about unleashing that magic within us, and using my personal experiences as an example. So, these books will be touching on these subjects. I am also partnering with Ian Riley at Mind Above Fitnessto work on putting together a Total Wellness Conference, which I am super excited about.
My goal with these projects is really to get people to fall in love with themselves, and embrace their whole self flaws and all. Once they unite with this concept of self-love, I want to encourage them to use it to create a life they are actually excited to wake up to each day. Simply put, I would like to reintroduce the beauty of life.
Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?
I actually struggled with self-love and acceptance for many years. I experienced domestic violence and homelessness early on in life, and that really broke me down. I was living with anxiety and depression for over a decade without even knowing it! As I mentioned previously, I eventually ended up in a psychiatric hospital when I was in high school. I discovered a lot about myself while there, and I think that is what ushered me into this exploration of myself.
After I gave birth to my first child, I decided that I was ready to shed those old parts of myself that were no longer serving me. I wanted to break the cycle of struggle, not just for me, but for my daughter’s sake. I wanted to be a better example for her. I wanted to experience true freedom, and I learned that the freedom I was seeking started with me. There is freedom in love, and I knew that I could not give love to others that I hadn’t yet given to myself.
According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?
I think a lot of the issues with poor self-image come from the value we place on the opinions of others. A lot of us look at what society says is beautiful or healthy, and we measure ourselves up against that viewpoint. We may recall times when someone labeled us as “too fat,” “too skinny,” “too dark,” “too pale,” or “ugly,” and we start to accept these things as truths. This can be so detrimental to one’s mental, emotional, and physical health.
On the other side of this, there are some who always receive compliments on their appearance, and they begin to accept that this is the way they should always be. We need to step away from what others think of us, and really tune into ourselves to find out what feels best for us. Pay more attention to what our body is telling us, and less attention to the opinions of others. We all perceive things from a different lens.
As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?
Love is what keeps the world moving. Love is what motivates us. This world cannot exist without love, but you cannot give love to the world, if you have not first given it to yourself. Self-love gives us control over our lives. Self-love frees us from unhealthy attachments and burdens. I believe that ultimately, we all want to love and be loved; there is no greater feeling. When you love yourself, you will naturally attract more love. It’s science. Like attracts like.
Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?
I believe people stay in mediocre relationships because of a fear of loneliness. Sometimes we may feel that a lackluster unfulfilling relationship is better than no relationship at all. This type of thinking leads to us settling for less than we deserve. Settling only leads to unhappiness. Accepting less than you know you deserve feels terrible, and is so damaging to your self-esteem. This is why self-love is so extremely important. You have to love yourself enough to make your happiness a priority. You have to love yourself enough to be willing to rid your life of any person or thing that is not helping you grow.
When we talk about self-love and understanding we don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?
I think a really good question to ask is “What is my role in this?” This is one question I really like to ask myself through the good times and the bad times. Give yourself credit for the good work you have done, but also consider changes you could make to create more positive experiences. I think starting with this question is a good step because it shows that you are holding yourself accountable for your life experiences. When you are aware that you play a key role in every one of your experiences, you can accept that you also play a role in changing your experiences for the better. It can be really tough to examine ourselves in this way but it is so empowering.
So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?
I have discovered that this fear of loneliness really comes from a lack of self-reliance. So many of us rely on others to give us those feelings of love and comfort, so when those individuals are not present all those cozy feelings go away. This can be pretty scary.
We need to get comfortable with our own beingness. Once you do that, you really start to feel that inner peace and connection to the world around you. There is no way you can ever feel lonely once you achieve this level of awareness. But the thing is. . .you cannot achieve this level of awareness without first getting comfortable with the concept of solitude. Social interaction is very important to our wellbeing, but anything in excess can be unhealthy. It’s all about finding that balance between socializing and spending quality time alone.
How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?
When you truly love yourself, you attract others who will love you the same. Furthermore, understanding all that you are and embracing that, can help you to become more open-minded and accepting of others.
In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?
- Individuals should spend some time alone away from outside influences so they can discover who they truly are. Embrace those periods of solitude, because those are the moments where you can really just be yourself without judgment from others. In today’s society it can be very rare that we give ourselves the opportunity to just BE. I also highly suggest making it a priority to try something new. There is so much to learn about ourselves in this lifetime, and we miss out on so many wonderful opportunities to do so by placing ourselves in a box of familiarity.
- Society should focus on being less critical of others, and consider how their judgment of the external is nothing more than a reflection of their internal. The only journey we are responsible for is our own. It is not our job to try to change others. Our job is to help one another along this journey by being a demonstration of love.
What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?
I schedule time alone so that I can just be with myself and operate without influence from others. I find that I learn quite a bit about myself through this practice.
I recently started scheduling a daily self-care activity in my planner so that I know, no matter what, I made time for myself every single day. It can be so easy to neglect yourself once you get pulled into that busy routine. I eliminate that issue by making self-care part of my routine.
Journaling has been very beneficial for me. So, I make time to write in my journal every night before bed. Not only does this help me empty out my mind before drifting off to sleep, but it also helps me to keep a record of what’s been working for me and what hasn’t. Getting my thoughts out of my head and onto paper can really help me put things into perspective.
I make it a priority to try something new every single week, even if it’s just something small. Doing this just makes life so much more exciting, and I learn so much about myself. Life is all about adventure, and when you leave out the adventure it can really just dull your experience. Dull experiences can really drive you into a shadow of unhappiness.
Exercise! Yoga is my workout of choice, but I also enjoy things like dancing, skating, and running around with the kids. Exercise is obviously great for the body, but what it does for your mind is even greater. Through exercise I can release stress, test my limits, and really just balance my mind, body, and soul.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?
I really love the Inspire Nation podcast. This particular podcast touches on subjects such as: neuroscience, working through fear, love as a tool for healing, and relationships. The hosts are a married couple who share their personal experiences in a fun and loving way. They also have really exciting guests on the show who are experts in their field. I listen to this podcast every morning as I am getting ready for the day. It really does inspire me to unveil that best version of myself and live joyously.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…
I would love to inspire a movement dedicated to Mental Wellness for all ages. We have routine examinations to monitor our physical health, but there is so little emphasis on our mental health. We don’t make mental health a priority until something goes terribly wrong, and then you may get a referral to a psychiatrist or a therapist. Outside of that, there is little done to monitor the state of our mental health before disaster strikes. It can be the little things that add up to something major, and it can go unnoticed if we don’t actually check in with ourselves to acknowledge it.
I would love to see us eliminate the stigma around mental illness, and make mental wellness a higher priority. In addition to the professionals like therapists and doctors, local support teams and programs geared towards this effort can be of great benefit as well.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?
I once read a quote from English politician and writer Joseph Addison that said, “True happiness arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one’s self.” This quote really spoke to me, and still does. Ultimately, what we all want to achieve is a state of happiness, and we often fail to realize that we are the key to our own happiness. We will look for happiness everywhere outside of us, without even seeing that we are the happiness we seek.
This single quote sums up the reason why self-love and self-reliance is so extremely important. When you can find joy in just being you . . .you have won at life.
Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!