Love by Design: How to Find Play, Peace and Passion in Your Relationship in 2021

How to stop dissecting your relationship dramas and start taking a more proactive, aspirational approach to love.

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If you’re experiencing relationship conflict in these trying times, you’re NOT alone. It’s easier than ever for a small disagreement to quickly spiral out of control. It’s even easier to fall into the trap of focusing on what’s not working, what’s annoying you, or what’s pissing you off. The default is to blame, complain, defend, and criticize.

But what if instead of letting this last year or a long winter pull you and your beloved further apart, you used this time to bring you closer together? What if you stopped focusing on fixing your problems and started aiming for awesome?

Finally, it’s 2021. Let’s do love differently. Enough with the crisis control, drifting into default mode or succumbing to the blame game. This year, why not love better by design? 

When your relationship is under stress, it’s a lot easier to lash out in anger than it is to lean in with love. So here are four great paths to explore on your journey to loving better this year. Just remember it isn’t about loving perfectly. It’s about loving better. Get proactive about bringing more play, peace, and passion to your relationship and get ready for a game changing year.

Play

Bring PLAY to inspire your joy. Lean into love by engaging, exploring and lightening up a little. 

“Playing games” in a relationship is commonly considered a bad thing, but let’s reclaim PLAY. Start playing games – the good kind! Surprise-each-other games. Kissing games. Nickname games. Date night games. It can be a board game or a made up game, a contest or a quest. Just get your play on, and aim for full belly laughter.  

Still not sure where to start? No problem. Just start talking about play. Finish this sentence… “One way to bring more play into our relationship is…” And brainstorm until you have written down 1-4 specific and inspiring ways to bring play into your relationship. Find inspiration for plenty of fun ideas throughout my blog or in my carefully curated cart featuring dozens of card and board games, thoughtful gifts, and other playful partnership props.

You can use these games to not just have fun, but to also shift out of negativity or conflict. My husband and I use our Great Minds Think Alike game when one of us asks the other to do something we were juuuust about to do anyway. It’s A LOT better than what we used to say which was more like “I know! Get off my back! I was just about to do it!” We turned the tension into alignment with just one sentence. 

Play is a foundation to a happy, healthy and hot relationship. Having a playmate makes love and life delightful instead of dull. 

Love better by pursuing PLAY. 

Peace

Bring PEACE to deepen your partnership. Create habits for taming tensions and nixing any negativity.

Now more than ever it is critical that we have the skills to be able to not just to find our way through any flare ups, but to cultivate being calm, compassionate and generative about maintaining healthy connection. 

In these trying times, we need to be the wind beneath each other’s wings, not the drag nor drain. There are endless ways to create peace in and between you. We encourage you to explore the options, invent your vision then invite your beloved. Or invent it together.

You might also create more peace with…

  • Weekly or monthly meetings so the functional doesn’t get squeezed in and the flirty doesn’t get squeezed out. 
  • Grounding habits like breath, prayer or poetry before meals, meetings or important conversations.
  • Morning on-ramps to start your day off in alignment (My husband and I take a shower together every morning to anchor in our love and intentions).
  • Night time off-ramps to end your day in presence and connection.
  • Making time for the “me” so you can better enjoy the “we”. 
  • During times of conflict remember to take ownership, show compassion and use creativity to move forward.

It’s hard to live a powerful life when you’re struggling with a problematic relationship. Having your beloved be your sanctuary is soothing, healing and will help you truly soar. 

Love better by practicing PEACE. 

Passion

Bring PASSION to evolve your intimacy. Spark best-ever-sexy-time, and live the life of your dreams. 

When you nurture passion in your relationship, intimacy keeps getting better and better. Not just in your sex life, but in your life too. 

If you are like most couples, you likely have a full and busy life – a lot to think about, manage and juggle. Often by the time you get to bed, sex and intimacy might seem a million miles away. The “on ramp” to awesome sex might seem like a long arduous task rather than an easy-access experience you can truly enjoy.

One recommendation for pumping up the passion in your relationship is building your muscle for enjoying yourselves in your day-to-day interactions. Nurture a habit for dropping little love bombs in the form of “mini seductions”. Remind each other of your love and attraction with these little moments and tailored actions. They don’t have to take hardly any time at all – seconds in fact! If you keep the coals glowing, it’s easier to start a fire.

Pursuing passion includes what you DON’T do as much as what you do. Pro tip – save being nasty for your sex life. Nip nagging in the bud or you can say sayonara to sexiness. Being made wrong isn’t usually a turn on. (See the section on peace above).

Feeling fulfilled in your relationship is next to impossible if your passion is on autopilot. Don’t wait for great sex to bite you in the butt. Create the conditions for super satisfying sexiness to emerge. 

Love better by pursuing PASSION. 

Pro-active

Be PRO-ACTIVE to up-level everything. No matter if it is play, peace or passion, being proactive about your relationship is a game changing practice.

It’s the day-to-day dynamic that has a relationship sink or soar. Don’t just ride out the rough patches. Get resilient and ready for anything. Get intentional about intimacy. Be eager to evolve. Not to fix anything, but to access the next level of awesome available in your relationship. 

Don’t measure the success or strength of your relationship on how long you’ve been together. Measure it on if you’re loving better than before. Just remember – it’s not about loving perfectly, it’s about loving better. 

Leave the negativity and crisis management of this last year behind – ALL of it – and aim for awesome in 2021. 

Love better by proactively pursuing more play, peace and passion in your own way today.

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