I want to start by saying many, MANY people are leaders who don’t see themselves as such, and don’t even give themselves credit for it.
MOST of us view “leadership” as being on a stage, giving a TED Talk, writing a book, making a 6, 7, or 8-figure income, wearing Louboutins, or being the supermom or superdad.
News flash: These are fantastic leaders, but they’re not the only ones. And this isn’t the ONLY way to lead.
In fact, leadership isn’t always visible, and it’s not always loud.
However, many people only see the ones who are front & center and featured in magazine editorials or in The Huffington Post as being leaders. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
The list could literally go on & on, and I made it to prove the point that leadership isn’t always highly visible. In fact, it’s often very subtle daily decisions that make you a leader.
I laid this foundation, because first & foremost I needed you to see you are likely a leader. Accepting that is your work. I can’t do it for you. Many folks avoid acceptance because of fear of what the realization requires. When you get ready to accept it, you will.
Now that you see it, I want you to understand that loss as a leader is unavoidable. This topic isn’t addressed enough. Whether you voluntarily choose loss or involuntarily receive it, you’ll experience it (if you haven’t already).
By loss, I refer to several things — here’s some examples:
Those are just a few things you might stand to lose when you embrace yourself as a leader.
Now, typically loss is seen as a negative thing. Especially as it relates to lost relationships. But today, I want you to begin to reframe how you view loss.
I personally have reached a milestone in my adulthood and my life. As of August, I’m on the slide toward turning 40, and I have slowly learned the ebb & flow of loss as a leader. I understand the mantle I carry, and what that requires of me.
I can’t be friends with every woman who wants to be friends with me. I can’t hang out with just random single men and entertain them carelessly. I won’t attend an event just because I’m invited. I guard my energy. I take the way a person speaks to me seriously, and I pay attention to details and motives.
I also understand that many people will have to come & go. I will meet new people and never speak to them or see them again because their vibe is bad. I will not hire certain people if I peep dishonesty in their communications with me or my brand.
However, through your losses, you’ll GAIN 3x as much.
Every time a person or thing goes, it’s creating energy and openness for receiving something new. You MUST see loss this way as a leader or you will inevitably attach your emotions to the loss and prevent your healing from it. When this happens, the space isn’t open & can’t be filled. (And don’t think I don’t know this is easier said than done).
The primary role of loss in leadership is to create space for more leadership. The primary role of the leader is to fill the space more consciously each time, until you’re proud of what you’ve built and who you’ve built it with.
Be so good they can’t ignore you…..
Originally published at medium.com