Whether you are single or in a relationship, finding and cultivating a loving, romantic relationship can preoccupy a lot of our time and energy. Without awareness, it is easy to plug into the cultural meme that being someone’s partner, lover, spouse is foundational to personal happiness.
What if it was the opposite?
What if living as a happy, fulfilled, inspired individual was our center point, and the loving relationship came as a result, an offshoot, of this state of being?
Let’s explore some other common misconceptions that can unknowingly keep us in a state of wanting, needing, searching….
Illusion One: I need a partner to be happy.
We know that blissful state at the beginning of a loving relationship, where you are bursting with energy and relishing the feeling of unconditional love. That is why it is so easy to believe that you can’t possibly be any happier than when you are with a love.
The longer lasting truth is that if you are not happy from the inside out, your relationships will inevitably mirror your inner disharmony.
The quickest way to falling in love with YOU, therefore attracting another who will fall in love with you, is to take responsibility for making YOU happy. Don’t wait to take the trip, learn the new hobby, or express yourself creatively until you have the perfect partner. Do it now. Be it now. Create a life that you love, just you and you.
From this high vibration state of being, happy and lit up from the inside, your light will attract another who is also happiness personified. Together, you can now celebrate an inspired life together!
Illusion Two: My True Love will complete me.
It is tempting to identify with your partner to the extent that their accomplishments or talents make you feel that much more accomplished or talented. You feel like a better person because they are “yours.”
In reality, what you are doing is giving away your own precious self to a place outside of yourself.
Whatever you desire or admire in a lover is what you desire for yourself. Lets get you into your own center, free to be your most authentic self, liberated from others’ expectations, and fearlessly pursuing those things that bring you joy.
Are you attracted to the outdoorsy type? Create opportunities to get outside and into some wild adventures now!
Are you attracted to the cultured, well-read type? Buy the tickets, take the class, travel to the sacred site to fill YOU up with what you love.
What fills you up? Do more of that and along the way you may just find yourself AND your true love!
Illusion Three: I won’t feel alone if I am in love.
It is easy to feel separate and alone in the world.
Your ego, the aspect of you that is responsible for keeping you fed, sheltered, bills paid, etc. sees the world as a place separate from yourself. This aspect of you is logical, linear, performance driven, and fear-based. It is the part of you that gets the promotion, the gold star, the approving nods or reviews.
So we think that a romantic relationship will eliminate our loneliness. And you probably have felt more alone than ever while IN a relationship, right? The secret is to shift your awareness to a state of oneness, of intimate connection with YOU.
To balance your ego, your individual sense, you have its perfect dance partner, your spirit, your “Big Self” that knows only oneness and that is fearless. It can’t see you as separate; it knows only connection. The key to feeling connected, even when you are “single,” is to focus your attention on what inspires (inspire means “spirit within”) you.
You can FREE yourself from perceptions of aloneness, and liberate yourself from the belief that you are separate from the whole, and center your awareness in the states of being that light you up from the inside out. Choose activities that tap your sense of being into the bigger world around and within you. Connect to a cause, create a home that is sacred to you, immerse your imagination in those visions that make your heart sing. Be fearless. Create new opportunities to stretch yourself.
You are a Life Artist. The art that you are creating is your life. No one else can create it for you. Live inspired and, like moths to a flame, your inspired love match will find you!
Whitney Freya’s book, Rise Above: Free Your Mind One Brushstroke at a Time, is available now.