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Loneliness is a Gift!

Embrace the Self-Acceptance of Solitude

IStock––Woman in contemplation

Pushing something away has enough fear, anger or purpose in it to fuel the separation. Letting-go has only the loss of what was.

Pushing away or refraining from the things you love, like too much chocolate cake or too many martinis; or to stop an activity you enjoy so an injury can heal, has an immediate reward—a svelte healthy body.

When asked to step back from something or someone you care about, like a lover or friend, or a job position or opportunity, what is the reward?

While some exit quietly out of respect, others believe they can change the circumstances and win back their favor; some become enraged so that they can reject the rejecter, while others blame innocent bystanders as not to condemn the dead. Neither respect, positive thinking, nor outrage or blame can fill the void of losing something or someone you want and love.

What in letting-go makes it worth the sacrifice of your wants and needs? What will ease the emptiness left in its wake?

Loneliness. That’s right, be lonely. Loneliness is worthy.

The solitude of loneliness brings the gift of self-acceptance, as long as you don’t consider loneliness as weak, feeble or pathetic.

This passage from the Tao te Ching explains it well:

Mold clay into a vessel;

It is the emptiness within that creates the usefulness of the vessel.

Cut out doors and windows in a house;

It is the empty space inside that creates the usefulness of the house.

Thus, what we have may be something substantial,

But its usefulness lies in the unoccupied, empty space.

The substance of your body is enlivened

By maintaining the part of you that is unoccupied.

Lao Tzu

Empty space within enlivens your mind and body because connecting with it is an acknowledgment of all that you are.

Loneliness guides you inwardly to recognize the vastness of you, the depth of your heart and the Divine wisdom that guides your material self. Emptiness realized awakens what is real, so you can step beyond what is known.

The Danger of Loneliness

The deep dive of loneliness can conjure up all that you think you should have done and all that you think you are, with an opinion that is harsh and often not your own. This level of experiencing unveils beliefs that you have adopted from past experiences and can lead to depression and motivate unsolicited reactivity.

But this level of experiencing is not the emptiness within. You are experiencing the unresolved holding patterns, held as tension, in your physical body.

To drop deeper into the empty space within, allow the maze of feelings that you are judging to exist just as they are. Separate what you are feeling from what you are thinking. Simply, be a witness to your feelings presence. When you feel a judgment come in, breathe it away and continue allowing your feelings to exist with curiosity.

Allowing yourself to feel is an action that requires practice.

You know when you are in the empty space within when you feel calm. Self-appreciation emanates through your solitude.

How To Transform Loneliness into Solitude

The triceps muscles are responsible for pushing undesirables away, challenging them helps you rise above persistent self-defamation. Triceps exercises also ask that you lift your chest upward, while simultaneously pushing resistance downward. At once you push a force away and lift your heart above.

Whether you are a fitness enthusiast or not, you can use your triceps to guide your attention. Any movement that asks you to push through your hands and extend your arms from the elbows uses your triceps:

  • Chopping vegetables

  • Writing

  • Pushing a stroller

  • Wiping dishes clean

  • Even the light pressure on a steering wheel when driving

Combine the physical act of engaging the triceps with the mental discipline to allow emotion without judgment or ill fate. With each breath visit your loneliness, not the subject of your loss or judgment of your feelings, you may be surprised how quickly the body starts to trust you and give you passage into what lies beneath your surface. Guide your mind and body into the spirited empty space beneath what is familiar.

You are exercising the mind and body as a united team that is for you, not against you. You are also believing that there is more than what you know, offering hope and possibility to your circumstances.

Remember Karate Kid, “wax on, wax off?” Practice pushing your attention to a neutral place to embrace the self-acceptance of solitude.

To let go is to let loss live, but to extinguish the meanings we place on it.

Be guided to Surrender Tension in 8-Minutes with this FREE video.

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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