I try to exercise before work- I either walk or go to the gym at least 4 times a week. I find that moving wakes me up, clears my mind, can also be meditative and it lifts my mood and is a connection to my body. It is a way that I am giving to myself before I go out into the world and give to others.
Do you ever wake up in the morning feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, unchallenged, and have nothing to look forward to? It doesn’t have to be that way. One idea that I always advice my clients is to “Get Out of your mind and connect with your spirit”
In our society we are taught to figure things out, to think, to be the brainiacs . While in reality, our brain gives us solutions we already know. If we want to change our life, get out of the rut, get unstuck and move from lethargic status quo to ravenous living we need to be able to connect with our spiritual/ energy field and be inspired by new ideas that our mind would have never created. One of my favorite authors Wayne Dyer stated that the word inspired comes from 2 words “ in spirit”. Yep, you cannot get “inminded” and create new things in life. So get out of your brain in a regular, disciplined way!
As a part of our series interviewing experts on how to live a “ravenous life” — a life filled with the passion, pleasure, playfulness and abundance that come naturally to those who dare to be authentic, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Paulette Sherman, a psychologist, Relationship coach and author of, ‘Dating from the Inside Out,’ ‘The Book of Sacred Baths’ and others. She has a private practice, does phone coaching and teaches online relationship classes on Udemy. Her website is www.DrPauletteSherman.com and her books can be found here.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I became a psychologist for a few reasons. When I was a child and teen all my friends would come to me for help and support with their problems, so I was probably a natural at it. My mom was a social worker and psychoanalyst so I grew up around it too. I always wanted to help people have happy lives and I loved studying psychology. I also loved to write and sing but I didn’t think I’d make a career of it. I went to Laguardia High school of the Performing Arts as a vocal major but I just sang for fun after that. I wrote one book, ‘Dating from the Inside Out,’ published with Atria Books before I got married. Then I got breast cancer 6 years ago and decided to write a legacy of 22 books to leave behind my messages of love. So, I did that mostly self-publishing them one after another. I’m writing books number 22 and 23 now.
What does it mean for you to live “on purpose”? Can you explain? How can one achieve that?
To me, living on purpose means living mindfully according to your values, gifts, bliss and (if you believe in it) according to your soul’s mission. It means living a life that feels good and true for you; a life that you will look back on and feel proud of because of your contribution and joy. You can achieve that by identifying your gifts, your most important values, the things that bring you the most joy and by identifying how you can best contribute in the world, all of which will create meaning in your life and give you a roadmap to making the right choices for you.
Do you have an example or story in your own life of how your pain helped to guide you to finding your life’s purpose?
I always knew I was a healer. I expressed this by becoming a psychologist, getting a life coaching certification and becoming a Reiki healer. The story that stands out more for me regarding this is how I came to pursue my career as a writer. As I said, I always loved to write and I wrote a book before I was married and two short ones as tools for couples for my practice but it was only after I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer over 6.5 years ago that my life purpose to become a writer became clear. I went to the beach following my diagnosis to pray and I asked if I would live and if I’d accomplished what I was supposed to do here on Earth. I heard a clear message that I would survive and that I had achieved my 5 major goals (to be a psychologist, to marry my soulmate, to have a boy and girl, to have a house by the beach and to publish a book) but that I had a legacy of at least 22 books left to write. It felt like a ‘knowing,’ so I took it at face value and started to write while at my hospital appointments and since and today I’m rounding book number 22. Getting this clear message and having this path clearly revealed to me gave me almost as much joy as writing and publishing the books. It gave me permission to move forward with purpose, in communication with my Higher Self and Spirit and now I try to check in with that part of myself often when making choices. I feel guided by something larger which is the real purpose of my life. When I think back, there were many reasons that I thought I wasn’t writing but mostly they were mental and fear-based based upon limiting beliefs that people around me were affirming, like my feeling that you can’t make much money from books, it takes a lot of time and I needed to support our kids financially and to spend time with them as my first priority. Although those things are still the case, when you resolve to follow your Spirit, you find a way, even if it’s writing on the subway. And I believe that when you are true to your Higher Self and your true path that doors open.
The United States is currently rated at #18 in the World Happiness Report. Can you share a few reasons why you think the ranking is so low?
I think we have become very materialistic and are often looking to accomplish certain things outside of ourselves in order to find happiness and to look good. Then when we get those things, our happiness level may temporarily rise but it doesn’t last. And when we don’t get those outside things we can tell ourselves that we, and our lives are not good enough. But lasting happiness is more of a baseline state of consciousness which comes from within and it’s based on knowing we are worthy and loveable, an appreciation of what is, enjoying all the moments, loving others and responding to outside events and situations in healthy, loving ways. Research has shown that lasting happiness is based upon our response and attitude than it is upon outer things.
How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?
I offer my messages in the books I have written so far which include books for kids and adults. Mostly they are about how to love more and how to transform ourselves through challenges and through connecting to our Spirit. I wrote several for women who had breast cancer to help them through it as well. I also do psychotherapy and coaching to help people remove blocks to love and help them to create lives they adore, often by helping them to transcend challenges and to learn important lessons. I help daters to find their soulmates and help couples thrive and to establish healthy happy families. And I fulfill these same goals in my relationship column and the advice I offer as a Relationship Expert on radio, television and in articles.
What are your 6 strategies to help you face your day with exuberance, “Joie De Vivre” and a “ravenous thirst for life”? Can you please give a story or example for each?
- I take a sacred bath every morning- In my book, ‘The Book of Sacred Baths: 52 Bathing Rituals to Revitalize Your Spirit,’ published by Llewellyn I talk about the healing spiritual value of immersing in the water for daily spiritual and emotional cleansing. In this practice, I combine several tools to help me start my day off right with a positive mood and a clear intention. The tools I incorporate are visualization, prayer, intention setting, meditation and the Law of Attraction or aligning my thoughts, feelings and actions with the intention I have for my day. This helps me relax and get guidance so I connect with my Spirit before I go into the world with all its distractions.
- I try to exercise before work- I either walk or go to the gym at least 4 times a week. I find that moving wakes me up, clears my mind, can also be meditative and it lifts my mood and is a connection to my body. It is a way that I am giving to myself before I go out into the world and give to others.
- I pray every day- In the morning I give thanks to God for my blessings and ask the angels to surround me as I go through the day. Knowing that I have the protection and support of my Divine team is uplifting and gives me a sense of purpose and strength greater than my own.
- I listen to inspiring music or podcasts- Often when exercising I listen to spiritual podcasts or Youtube lectures or TedTalks. Some examples are Esther Hicks or Marianne Williamson. Other times I listen to happy music like, ‘Feeling Good Today‘ by Snatum Kaur or peace songs by folk singer Holly Near or ‘Renewal of Spirit’ by Debbie Friedman or the ‘Grace and Gratitude’ album by Olivia Newton John. Sometimes I also listen to meditations that I recorded with my spiritual teacher Christopher Dilts from askanangel.org
- I walk by the beach or get out in nature- Luckily I live by the ocean so it’s easy to walk or sit there. If I can’t do that in the morning I try to spend some time outside near trees. It centers and grounds me and renews my energy.
- I kiss my kids goodbye and wish them a great day and read or write on my train commute- My train commute is over an hour to work and I usually get a seat in the morning so I almost always bring books and a notebook. This helps me consider my plan for the day so that I’m clear. I can write an article or read something inspiring so I make good use of that time. I love to kiss my kids goodbye too so I bless them and wish them a happy day which makes me happy.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that most inspired you the most to live with a thirst for life?
I love The Law of Attraction and find it to be positive and inspiring to know you are the creator of your life. I also love to read books in my field about healing and spirituality- mostly authors from Hay House, Atria and Llewellyn publishers. To name a few, I like books by Esther Hicks, the late Debby Ford, Doreen Virtue, the late Dr. David Hawkins, Marianne Williamson and my friend Tanya Richardson.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that relates to having a Joie De Vivre? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
I really like Rumi. Two of his quotes come to mind, ‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it,’ and, ‘Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.’ These quotes were relevant in my life because as I described, my heart wanted to share my truth and knowledge through writing and I needed an opening to allow that to happen and to listen to my heart and spirit rather than my mind.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
I am actually working on two books at once and tell my family that I’m having twins☺ One book is about how to date mindfully to attract your soulmate and the other one is about how to create the marriage you want using the Law of Attraction and it’s called, ‘Marriage from the Inside Out.’ I know these projects will help people for a few reasons. Our relationships are our biggest vehicles of transformation as they mirror back to us our best and unhealed parts of ourselves. They can help us to grow into our potential and to heal so we become more whole. Many singles would love to find their soulmate but they give up because dating can feel painful. They need to see it as a transformative process and to learn to enjoy the process and my book will help them do so through practices. And who we marry is the most important decision in our lives but it can be very painful when we feel like we are failing at that and we just want our partner to change, which is not in our control. This upcoming book helps the reader create their own marriage from the inside-out so they feel inspired and empowered to love fully again.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I once thought that if I became a millionaire I’d like to start an organization called, ‘The I Believe in You Foundation’ where select inner city kids/teens would be paired with life coaches as mentors to help them create their dreams and live an inspired life. In terms of a movement, I’d love to inspire a Gandhi-like, ‘Be the Change’ movement where people learn to envision what they most want in the world and they align their thoughts, feelings, actions and choices with that on a daily basis in a very conscious way. More people would then be happy and living, ‘on purpose’ lives they love.
Thank you so much, this was so meaningful !
Dr. Marina Kostina is a life and business fulfillment coach. She uses research and energy work to help professional women find their purpose and turn it into a profitable business. Dr. Kostina incorporates innovative marketing strategies and the creation of engaging, lucrative online courses to scale their businesses. As a result they enjoy what she describes as a “ravenous life” — a life filled with the passion, pleasure, playfulness and abundance that come naturally to those who dare to be authentic. Her book “Find the G-Spot of Your Soul” is available January 2018. Download a free gift from Dr. Kostina- an MP3 Meditation Album “Find The G –Spot Of Your Soul” and get unstuck.