Purpose//

Listeners and Hearers, Care and Frustration

How to communicate better.


Everyday we feel the need to communicate with other people, not only because we need to transfer information, but even because talking is “diplomatically therapeutic,” as I like to say. Talking is often the best way to compare ideas and find a common path. Of course, at least two players are involved: speaker and listener…or hearer? It’s time to end this long and boring prelude and give way to my stream of consciousness. Ready?

It is not always easy to set up a conversation and to go through it, especially when it involves personal aspects of ourselves or when we desperately try to gain our audience’s compassion as ancient Romans conceived it; “cum patior.” The hardest part is when you talk, you try and let your feelings find their way to the outside and the very people who should listen carefully, should care for them and then for you, do not even take them into consideration.

You were used to wear your comfortable mask, to keep everything inside. Right when you began to let it out, you have to face the next frustration: not a common one, as your audience this time is not a simple acquaintance but the one you used to think it would have never let you down. [I will use “it” to refer to the listener as no matter if it is male or female — Author’s note] It pretends to hear you but it’s a empty hearing. just a passage from ear to ear . Nothing left in its brain. what’s worst: nothing left in its heart.

So what can you do? It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. You don’t like half ways and you can’t stand not to be seen, you need not to feel transparent. And as you usually are a good listener, you can’t even understand how this may happen. You feel there’s nothing left to do and you are forceless. Your struggle has come to an end, you know you don’t deserve this. Hearing, caring, comprehension…where are they?

It’s very simple, black on white. If what you have to say it’s not worth to be listened and cared for, it makes no sense to go on trying. You’ve given 1,2,3,4,n possibilities, now it’s enough. If the willingess to listen (because it’s not a matter of ability) is missing, then speaking is not effective. If listening is fundamental for you, when you meet someone who can’t listen to you, this someone isn’t fundamental for your life. Not even when it’s been part of it for ages.

Passive hearers can make you frustrated. Indifferent hearers make you angry frustrated and hateful even to you own self. You know you need listeners in order not to feel transparent and to survive this world with all the passive hearers populating it.

Originally published at medium.com

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