Often we communicate just to get rid off what we have to say. I am catching myself in more and more conference calls at work just waiting for a moment to say what I feel I need to say instead of listening more and understanding better what others have to say. I sometimes build up myself a pressure to have to contribute but actually I am starting to work on a better alternative. Listening more try to understand it sincerely agreeing on the others point thinking and then starting to communicate…
What is it means :
Connecting is something you cannot do alone you need others to connect. Listening and understanding is essential to actually make a lasting connection. For example at work why waste time not to listen understand and connect. Why waste time just to contribute defend, push forward something or make a point. Think about it and make a choice how you want to use your time and energy.
What matters when listening connecting & understanding :
Listen with the intention to fully understand
Avoid assuming and judging make sure you fully understand the others point
Ask to clarify and make sure you understood it right
Connect understand the others point and agree on it before throwing in a counter argument
Assure yourself and the other person that you understand and agree on their point before raising any objection – you will only be able to connect if you understand and agree on what was said before raising your own thinking on a matter
Make a note to not talk before the other one has ended talking and make sure to follow up with a question like : „If I understood you right….. you raised a good point in saying…
Connect via demonstrating that you listened that you understood. There are more people eager to talk than there are those eager to listen. There is much less competition in the group of people who listens.
Why is this important :
After you have listened understood and connected with others you can make up your own thoughts. Maybe what you planed to say has now changed or you want to say it in a different way to make sure to be understood as well. Think about how you want to respond and when how should pressure you to always immediately respond. This week I turned of all push alarms on my phone including emails and whattsapp. Instead off getting nervous and constantly being on „alert“ I am much calmer now and I feel free. I was putting myself under stress to respond to emails or whatssapp messages instantly . Actually apart from me who can pressure me to answer always any email or message on the spot. Why should I not take the time to think about it before answering?
How to approach this:
Turn off instant alarms on your PC, laptop, mobile phone or the one in your head
Take your own time to answer a message or email does not need to be read or answered in real time
If you listened connected and understood someone else think about what would be the best possible way to communicate your view or make your point clear
Think about how to communicate sometimes a call is much easier faster and better to handle something then playing messaging or email Ping Pong
I thought it might be taking more time to listen understand or think before communicating. Actually I learned that the more I am doing it the more time and frustration it saves me. Taking more time before communicating my own reaction or thoughts actually is making me more effective and causes much less stress and misunderstandings. We do not need to communicate in order to act or react in constant real time modus this can only lead to mistakes misunderstandings and stress. No one should force themselves to be on a constant alert.
Originally published at crosspoint.blog