Letting Go With Grace

What I learnt from my Dad’s affair

image credit magdeleine.co/

I’ll be honest, when I wrote the first draft of this article over a year ago, I was writing about a concept rather than a reality. I wanted to chat about endings and rejection and how they aren’t a reflection of our worthiness, but a calling to move forward, no matter how painful.

And then in March of last year, my dad decided to leave our family. I’d just moved to Sydney when I learned that he had moved out of the family home and started a new life almost overnight. As new information emerged and secrets came to light, it became clear that he wasn’t the man we knew him to be.

I was completely blindsided.

Although he said he wasn’t leaving ‘us’ (my sister and I), it’s hard not to take it personally when the first man you ever loved chooses another family over his own. He had his reasons — many of which I understood, some of which I will never comprehend — but a year on and I was still struggling with the assault on my self worth. How could he do this to us? Why would he want to leave? What could I have done to make him stay?

That’s when this message took on a whole new meaning and I finally learned to let go with grace.

I believe people come into our lives to help us grow into the people we were made to be. Our souls make agreements before we’re born to assist each other in learning a particular lesson or experiencing a certain part of ourselves, and when the purpose of the relationship is served, it either ends or changes form.

The same principle applies whether it’s a parent, a partner or even a particular time in our lives.

When faced with rejection, it’s common to blame ourselves for things not working out. What could I have done differently? Where did I go wrong? Why couldn’t I make this work? But the thing is, it has nothing to do with your inherent worthiness, it just means that your path is no longer compatible with theirs. And just because you aren’t compatible, does not mean you aren’t enough. It means the purpose for that relationship has been served (even if you can’t see it yet) and the Universe has something even better in mind for both of you.

We have this persistent belief in our culture that endings are failures. Whether it’s a marriage, a business or even the end of a life. And yet, the idea that anything is ever really final is a construction of the ego. In the physical world, endings are devastating. In the metaphysical world, they are a natural progression. Because we are infinite, we can never truly die and because we are all expressions of the same consciousness, nothing in time or space can ever separate us from one another. Everything we lose comes back to us in another form.

Being faced with the end of something is not the time to call into question your worthiness, it’s an opportunity to reassess your desires and intentions. What do I want to create in the space left by this person? What do I want to call in that is going to be bigger, better and brighter than anything I’ve had before? Whether it’s a relationship, a job or a season in your life, let go with grace and trust that you are making way for something even better to come rushing in.

If it helps your healing, write a letter (even if you don’t send it) thanking the other person for all the things — good and bad — you learnt from your time together. With time, you will be able to see where this chapter fits perfectly into the story of your life.

I’ve spent the past year mourning the loss of the dad I grew up with and I’m still deciding whether I want to build a new relationship with the man he is now, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I would never want to hold another persons happiness against them. All we can control in this life is our actions and how we respond to the actions of others. He made his move, now I get to choose mine. Right now that looks like taking a step back to let time work her healing magic. It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving him — I’m just loving him from a distance. Whatever you are being called to release in your life right now, I hope you find the strength to let go with grace, secure in the knowledge that what is coming is greater than anything you have left behind.

Originally published at medium.com

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