Will mindfulness a remedy for letting go of anger? What are the most practical ways to do it? Learn further.
Anger consumes us
There are so many reasons in our lives, that bring us anger. Most of the time, we feel deep anger in our hearts when we are faced with injustice. Someone may lie to you or lie to others about you. A person might return to your kindness with hatred. There might be a lack of gratitude for what you did from the bottom of your heart. Similarly, you may feel imposed by others on doing what you don’t want to do. Your boss might have promoted a colleague while you are the hardest and smartest worker…
Anger chokes us. We feel unease. The image of the other person or things that make you angry follows you day and night. You hear and ruminate again and again your arguments in your head. Probably, like many of us, you try to justify yourself from this injustice that hurts you so much.
My ex-partner tells lies about me
I have a friend whose ex-partner was telling lies to kids about her, after the divorce. She was filled with anger. Because she was scared that what he told about her would impact the trust of her children towards her. What would they think? Would they believe in it? Would the kids have hatred for her too?
The above friend was caught in “justification” mode. She thought she would need to explain to her kids that these were not true. But she didn’t even know what he told them. As a result, she felt desperate and all the time in the alert. Her thoughts ruminated in her mind. She was not feeling ease, and completely stressed out.
Why do we have anger? Because we feel powerless. That’s the sentiment that you can’t do anything to change the other person or the situation.
Consequently, anger consumes us. We don’t feel peace, and we suffer greatly from it. In addition, it can create so much harm to our relationships. For example, a too-quick action fueled by anger can make us regret a great deal later on.
Letting go of anger is a difficult task
Overcoming anger is among the most difficult things one can realize. We are all humans living our emotions. You will tell and I hear it – At the moment it happens, it’s not evident to get out of it.
How can we tell the above friend that, in this case, her enemy is not her husband? Well, the idea that “man is not enemy” in real life might sound “angelic” sometimes! We know that our own anger and hatred are our real enemies. But how to swallow the idea that these guys who make you suffer so much right here right now, are not your enemy?
But believe me, knowing “man is not enemy” is the first realization that will help cure your anger deeply, and prevent it before it arises. There are ways we can review and profoundly change our emotional patterns. We can train ourselves long before the anger arises, and serve our freshness of mind to deal with the situation.
Learn my 5 best tips to let go of your anger with mindfulness.
#1. Stay anchored in the present moment
In order to relieve ourselves from our own anger, the first thing to do is to be aware of it. “Breathing in, I know I am angry. Breathing out, I forgive myself to be angry”. This moment of awareness already brings us relief. When we listen to somebody attentively, we can reduce part of his or her suffering. It’s the same thing when we listen to ourselves. Be the best friend of yours, and listen to what your mind and body have to say.
“But should I stay in the present moment and listen to my feeling, if it feels uncomfortable?”, I picture you asking. I remember a funny cartoon showing a man in a long line waiting in front of a supermarket, under the hardest sun and all miserable and chaotic people around him. His thought: “I can be in the present moment, but not in this line!”
The same might happen to you when you are in anger. Would it be a good thing to go back to yourself, and stay deeply in this feeling?
The short answer is, yes, it’s a great practice to be able to do so. And here are the reasons.
Firstly, going back to ourselves in difficult moments bring us awareness of other wonders that we might have missed. The man in the waiting lines, if he allows himself to stay deeply in the present moment, he may listen to his breaths. He will find out that he is alive. That the air from the green trees around is going into his cells every second. He’ll treasure some cool breezes on his face. That this hardest sun is finally a source of life that comes from millions of kilometers away, to ripen the fruits he will eat. Instead of feeling miserable in the line, he can deeply enjoy the gifts offered to him, in any circumstance.
Secondly, staying in the present moment gives us a chance to take care of our anger, instead of abandoning it. Because when we try to hide away from our suffering, we might accumulate it deeply in our subconsciousness. Being aware of it brings us a chance to take care and heal it.
#2. Turn your attention to yourself
The second important practice to let go of anger is to turn attention to yourself and cultivate your own joy.
Someone just lied to you, treated you with humiliation, or did wrong things. What you can do first is to take a deep breath, and turn all your attention to yourself and let “you” be the center of your world at that moment.
Without that attention and love for yourself, your world will always be peaceless. As an example, many people left a bad relationship hoping for peace. But they found out soon that these “unpleasant people” still occupied most of their minds. And it is even when their ex-partners were not with them anymore physically. All the feelings of hatred, anger, and bitterness still followed them more than ever.
When you have built a solid joy and happiness within you, it’s easier to overcome anger. The focus of your world is just “you”. And not the person who hurts you.
Therefore, start today, to cultivate in your own joy and gratitude for what is abundant around you. Nature, a little luxury of a floral fragrance… Your passions. Hobbies. Kindness cultivation. As a result, your own world becomes so rich. That there is no place for thoughts about the “others” that hurt.
With time, being mindful, we cultivate and water these seeds of self-love and compassion. The day comes when we face difficult situations in life. But we are anchored and take the right decision. Choose “happy”. Choose peace of mind. That’s the deepest proof of our own love and respect. And the true love for ourselves simply tells us that we can forgive. It’s not because the other person deserves forgiveness. But because we deserve peace.
#3. Look deeply into the roots of bad behaviors
We can water our freshness and inner joy. With that, we can have more loving energy. Thus, we are able to look deeply into the roots of bad behaviors the others bring us.
My friend in the story above felt angry and powerless. It is because she was threatened by what her ex-partner could do to her. Looking deeply, she might see other things in the behaviors that felt so bad.
The ex-partner of my friend was telling lies. Perhaps was he himself scared of the situation? He felt probably being deprived of the love of children. Did he probably want to protect himself? Or tried the wrong way to control the situation?
Allow yourself a more profound look into what other people do with disgrace to you. You can see the roots of their actions. Maybe they are ignorant of what you feel. Do they suffer from their own childhood scars? Would it be that they are under the pressure of their influence (family, friends)? Or probably they feel hurt themselves by the situation that is out of their control.
You will understand that the people who lie to you and hurt you, are those who suffer the most. This understanding can be a big relief to our seeds of anger. As we cultivate our love and compassion, with the help of mindful practice, we can find force and energy. We can confront and manage better our anger and other feelings.
#4. Love them regardless of their wrong-doings
What is one of the important roots of others’ wrong actions to you? It’s their wrong perceptions. They have wrong perceptions about you. Your feeling. The situation. But most profoundly, they have wrong perceptions about the nature of this world. And of our existence.
When Thich Nhat Hanh talked about the nature of “no birth, no death”, a child asked him: “If there is no birth and no death, why killing is bad?”. “Killing is bad, because the person who kills, has a lot of suffering in him or her”, answered Thich Nhat Hanh. “When you want to kill, you have wrong perceptions. You think you can kill. Suppose that you want to kill a cloud. But it’s because you don’t know that a cloud never dies. The willingness to kill comes from the wrong perceptions, of anger, of violence”. (Plum Village)
The understanding of the behaviors of others is the start of love. When we can understand other’s suffering and wrong perceptions, we can love them, regardless of their wrong-doings to us.
#5. Believe in your creative power
Here is the final and secret weapon of mindfulness for letting go of anger. Mindfulness helps us touch our creative power. Do you remember, that we are angry because we feel powerless? There’ll be one day we know that we can create by our own mind, the relationship that we desire. And the loving world that is so dear to us can be reached by our own energy. That’s the day you are truly free from anger.
Mindfulness brings the connection to our higher self and inner peace. With it, we have confidence in your creative power. When you breathe in deeply, you feel the connection with all that is. You see life above this material world, with all its splendor. The abundant and loving nature. The fact that you are alive. The connection of your body to innumerable beings.
Recognizing yourself in all that is, and above your own self, brings a great feeling of power. You’ll find yourself less threatened. And as a consequence, you are less angry. Because you understand that all is in your control. That the universe will reply to your deepest desires. People and circumstances will join you to serve you. And those who are not serving you will eventually leave by themselves. No fear. Nor struggle. No “going upstream” to find what you really desire. You flow effortlessly downstream. Everything you want is just waiting for you.
Letting go of anger with mindfulness – Practice today!
There are so many reasons in our lives, that bring us anger, deep in our hearts. We spend our time justifying ourselves. Injustice hurts you so much. We are all human beings. And at the moment it happens, it’s such a difficult task to get over of our anger.
But as from today, I invite you to together with me, practice letting go of anger with mindfulness.
- First of all, remind yourself to stay anchored in the present moment awareness. So that you’ll not “miss the appointment with life”, and its beauty and splendor.
- Secondly, turn your whole attention to cultivate yourself and your joy of life.
- With the peace within yourself, you can start looking deeply into the bad behaviors. They caused you so much anger. But you will understand this. The people who lie to you and hurt you, are those who suffer the most.
- This understanding can be a big relief to our seeds of anger. We can love them, regardless of their wrong-doings to us.
- And finally, practice mindful living, so that you can touch the true nature of our existence and our creative power. No fear. Nor struggle. No anger. Because we know everything you want is just waiting for you if you are ready for it.
Does it help? Join me today and share with me your thoughts.