March 17th was the last day I went into my law office. From that day everything began imploding. First, I faced the challenge head-on and I decided that I would host my ladies’ tea party online. That was a lovely experience. Weeks turned into months and I continued to go through all the various stages, at one point I was addicted the news and all the charts and updates, then I started despising the people who kept forwarding all the depressing updates to me. I was not exercising; I was not doing anything really. I started waking up with these annoying low- grade headaches, not severe, just annoying.
On the morning of June 6th, I woke up with the annoying headache, and after doing my meditation I went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Suddenly the room began to spin, this vertigo was accompanied by other symptoms and I quickly realized that I was seriously ill. I knew that I needed medical attention and that I could not get myself to a Doctor at that point in time.
I made it to the bed and was literally holding on because the bed transformed into a great big roller coaster. I was getting sick and sweating buckets.
I struggled to make a phone call to a friend who is a Physician, I reported my symptoms and my Doctor friend’s response was: “Oh my! call this number for urgent care.” I managed to call Urgent Care and they told me a Doctor would be at my house in 45 minutes. I was certainly not counting the minutes, but the Doctor got to my house soon enough and I literally dragged myself to the door to let her in.
The Doctor went into action as if she were a combat medic out in the fields. She did her initial assessment, decided she needed to run an intravenous line, poked around, and found a vein, went to my closet, found a clothes hanger, and mounted the IV on the window next to my bed. The Doctor tried her best to keep me engaged in conversation by asking me how my family was doing, and anything else she could ask. I never mentioned to her that I knew why she was conducting the various tests she was carrying out. All I did was try my hardest to prove that my neurological function was not impaired. All the necessary tests were carried out on the spot at my home, everything except of course, a CT Scan.
My blood pressure was extremely high. I started to feel very cold, I was trembling, and my teeth were chattering. I knew that I was going into shock. The Doctor eventually said the word, she said “I don’t want to scare you but, you could be getting a ‘stroke'” I was not going to allow it. Each time the word ‘stroke’ came to my mind I thought: “stroke of luck or stroke of genius.”
She realized that I live alone and I knew that the Doctor was panicking although she maintained her ‘poker face.’ She excused herself and stepped out of my bedroom to consult with her senior on the phone and I was slipping into a ‘gravol’ induced sleep but afraid to fall asleep.
I began to just focus on my breathing and nothing else. The Doctor continued to measure my blood pressure on each arm.
Prior to this episode, I had been practicing the fine art of surrendering. My surrendering skills came in very handy. I surrendered my health care completely to the Doctor. She kept reporting my blood pressure to me and the only question I asked her was: “what is causing my blood pressure to come down?” To which she responded: “you are relaxing.”
At that moment it was clear to me that what I needed to do, was to do nothing, just LET GO, SURRENDER, RELAX.
That is not easy for me to do but I have been practicing. Surrendering is linked to faith and as I am learning, when you surrender things begin to fall into place and synchronicities begin to appear.
Instead of associating surrendering with hopelessness or helplessness, we can remember that holding on can be suffocating and letting go…surrendering is liberating.
Let go, surrender, relax.