I am sure one thing all of us women know is we learn from those women around us. But our biggest influence tends to be our own mom. These lessons can be positive things or even negative things. Every thing can be made positive though in how we end up being a mom.
We can of course carry on any good things we learned from our mom’s. We can also take things we may not agree with for our we were brought up and change those around to make a more positive impact on our own children. If we look back on our childhood there was constant learning moments. It is a matter of what we took from them and how we now us those moments.
My mom was and is a great mom in her own way. My sister and I were given a lot of freedom, with very few rules. They liked to know where we were going and who we were with, we did have a curfew but pretty much that was it. My mom raised us with the thoughts we will make the right decisions and that we will do it our way. When it came to school she had the thought process we were smart enough to do it and that was about it. There was no real guidance or accountability when it came to school stuff.
My sister and I were honestly almost uncontrollable. We skipped school like crazy, drank, did drugs and caused trouble. We never got in trouble with the law per say but we easily could have. We both ran away. I got caught quickly but there was no consequences. My parents actually bought my friend and I that ran away together t-shirts with smart alleck comments on it relating to that episode. My sister was gone for a long time and ended up having a baby at 16 years old.
When I became a mom and my kids started school and started hanging out with friends I started trying to find that line where i gave my kids some freedom of choices and to make mistakes but I also wanted to have more control then my mom did with my sister and I. With my kids I didn’t want them to do all that I had done as a kid. I knew and I still know they will do as they want to do at times. I know that I cannot stop them from doing somethings. I know drugs and alcohol will always be around and only they can make their own decisions.
But I have and I did make the decision to talk to my kids openly about drugs and alcohol. I have been very open about how I was as a teenager. I want to really know their friends and to really know what is going on in their lives. With my 2 oldest I tried my best to encourage them and be an active part in their school days.
My son was one who chose not to apply himself even though he could have easily been a straight A student did end up dropping out and doing a program called Montana Youth Challenge which is a military style program. He graduated, got his GED, spent a few years being a young adult and then 18 months ago joined the Army. He is now 23 years old and is a well rounded young man who is doing something with his life.
https://youthchallenge.mt.gov/
My oldest daughter in school was the completed opposite. She applied herself and had so many goals. She was very involved in her education and had big dreams for college. She full-filled those dreams. She got into an amazing college with an almost full ride. She just finished up her Junior Year and is set to start her internship.
I am not saying that they probably didn’t do things I don’t know about because I am sure they did. But I took my mom’s hands off approach of parenting and decided I wanted to be hands on. But I did not want to be the parent who was overly protective or overly hands on. I wanted to be involved, to be there, I wanted them to know they could come to whenever they needed to talk or needed guidance. I wanted them to know that I would not judge them for their actions but there could be consequences when necessary. I am sure I made a few mistakes along the way I just always hope that they learned from me some positive ways of parenting.
This is an approach I continue to use with my 2 younger daughters. I am sure I will continue to make mistakes but I also know that I can raise them to be wonderful young ladies who make a difference in this world just like their older sister and brother are busy doing.
So really I learned how I didn’t and how i did want to parent my children from my mom. I know she parented how she thought was best and while I cannot say I agree with exactly how she did it. I turned out pretty good. It took lots of bumps in the road and a few mistakes but I am making a positive difference in this world I think.