I overthink everything! It is hard to determine whether or not this is a pro or a con. The extra steps that I take to process things serve as an internal checklist and keep me in line. In other cases, my overthinking serves as an amplifier to random thoughts.
Recently, I came across a necklace that I wanted. You’ve seen them – the ones that feature your child’s name or initials. This one was a dainty gold chain and held tiny letters. As I clicked the drop box, I froze and teared up.
Enter my overthinking.
I began to tear up because I didn’t know which letters to select and only displaying the letters for A and E stirred up emotions.
When we lost our third child, people consoled us with a variety of reassurance. Everyone meant well and some of our friends knew the pain we felt because they lost children, too. One of the responses that stood out was hope for our future rainbow baby.
I wondered, what if there isn’t a rainbow baby? What if there isn’t another child in our future? What if there was too much risk in trying again? What if we needed to live more happily in our contentment?
Let me be clear, I am not judging anyone else. Live your life. If you need to refer to your child as a rainbow baby, do you.
I am speaking up for me and the other women that don’t get a rainbow baby. Maybe not because they’ve lost hope, but because they realize it isn’t in the cards and they’re at peace with being content.
Sometimes we want something so bad that we forget about the things we already have. We’re so caught up in the hustle that we forget about the wish list that did come true. For me that’s a thriving marriage, two healthy kids, and a career that I’ve worked really hard to make a reality. Sometimes, I forget how blessed I am.
As humans we don’t like hearing no and we thrive when we’re productive. We always want more. We always want what’s shiny and new. But, what if we relished in the happiness that’s old and a little scuffed up?
That’s where I am in life — older and a little scuffed up.
I don’t need a new baby to move forward. My body needs me to appreciate what it has done for me. My mental heath needs to not be stressed by the need for more. My heart can’t handle anymore avoidable heartache. So, I’m going to listen and I hope you will to.
If you have the chance to relish in your contentment, I hope you will consider pausing and taking a deep breath. I hope you will understand and accept that some plans change. Moreover, I hope you give yourself grace and realize that less can be more.
October is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. If your loved one has lost a child, take a moment to share words of encouragement. If you haven’t already registered to vote, do that! There are so many politicians trying to make rules to regulate a woman’s body.