I imagine her first reason for calling an end to the brief relationship was me
announcing that I was almost late for psychotherapy because I was so
engrossed in my morning’s joyful singing and dancing session.
And, before that, I could be found in the meadow, playing with my golden
retriever, welling-up as my Soul affirmed intimacy.
‘What if you only sin when you
refuse healing and cling to brokenness’
~ Barb Morris
The doctor broke up with me in our second session, telling me in no
uncertain terms that to continue would be fruitless. We affirmed my personal
‘this is who I am’ list. I —
1. Live in the present, saying YES to life’s flow, including saying YES to
that frequent visitor, Grief.
2. Religiously adhere to life-giving, daily practices.
3. Have no addictions (except maybe IG)
4. Take no medications
5. Have no present disastrous relationship issues.
6. Commit to flourishing together with my spouse of 26 years. Marriage! Sex!
7. Delight that young, adult children admit they like to spend time with
8. Care for my inner-child; I include all of my vulnerable, rejected parts.
9. Immediately restore peace after being upset.
10. Live a life of divine guidance followed by courageous action.
11. Shifted from near debilitating loneliness to confidence—I could never
feel alone again (not with God/Source alongside).
12. Know that Spirit is always the animating force behind my thoughts,
words, and actions. There is love and fear. That is it.
13. Balance resources between charity and fun, body-work and healthy
She basically said: we are done here. You have my number. Don’t let the door
hit you in the ass.
She advised: there’s work in a ‘world in need’ of what you’ve discovered, so
get to it. Bring your yin/yang balanced Self to your writing.
I could have ‘but, but butted’ her.
I could have insisted she take my money.
I could have created a problem where there was none, insisting this
tranquility might be short-lived. Insisting my soul may very well divorce my
spirit one day.
Don’t get me wrong, my list of old grievances runs deep and long, and the
world tries to convince me to be angry, do more in-depth psychology, remain
in the realm of negativity, bias, and left brain nitpicking. I am no foreigner to
abandonment, abuse, and the many physical manifestations of mental and
bodily illnesses resulting from them.
Oh! but she wants me to stay in the here and now. (How refreshing.) Do I
suffer any longer?
Well, the short answer is: no. The very good news is my embodied faith from
the balance of prana means I am WELL. I enjoy the divine power of love
alive: A heart that feels deeply.
The thing is, my Mom’s been trying to convince me of all this, but I wasn’t
having any of it. I was all: “You don’t get it. You don’t get me... not really. Let
me list the ways I’ve been victimized. I might be triggered next month.”
The thing is, I needed to realize this truth; embrace this reality on my own.
My physical healing demanded the healing of my emotional issues.
I don’t know what challenges tomorrow will bring.
I have my daily bread.
I am the lost sheep now found.
I know who I am-resilient.
I’m not missing after all.
Now is always the best time to decide.