Think about it. If you were secure in your self-worth then your internal environment couldn’t possibly sustain jealousy. To be jealous is to affirm the idea that you are in some way lesser than someone or something else. If you didn’t think you were lesser, then how could you be jealous?
It has taken me years of observation to realize just how impersonal rejection is. It’s not about you (you might be tempted to think you’re not good enough), nor is it a reflection on the other person (or you might be tempted to think they’re not smart enough to see how wonderful you are).
I really don’t care whether what they traded you for was better or worse, because there’s no way of measuring the true worth of one human being over another. In my mind all human beings are equally valuable.
I guess the reason I don’t entertain jealousy is because I am lucky enough to know my own worth. And I wish the same for you too. Because all these toxic emotions: jealousy, anger, hatred, envy, etc… they’re hurtful foremost to the person who harbors them. I think it was the Buddha who likened anger to a hot coal burning up someone’s hand, to illustrate this very point.
So, you may have already been hurt once, don’t stab yourself in the gut as well, while you’re still hurting, by throwing jealousy on the fire. Practice emotional first aid. Shift that inner conversation from jealousy to an affirmation of your self worth. Recite all the things that are wonderful about you instead. I should say that the act of shifting your awareness to your values like that is actually one proven method of disrupting negative rumination of any kind.
Dr. Samar Habib is a writer, researcher and scholar. She lives in California. She is interested in mind management systems that optimize an individual for success. Check out her online course, The Quantum Mind.
Originally published at medium.com