‘The Greatest Fear in the World is of The Opinion of Others. And The Moment You Are Unafraid of the Crowd You Are No Longer a Sheep. You Become a Lion. A Great Roar Arises in Your Heart, The Roar of Freedom.’ ~ Osho
How important is the opinion of others to you? How much do you depend on “what people will say?” Have you ever given up something because of other people’s opinion? Are you trying to be what others want you to be? Are you looking constantly for other’s approval?
In fact, the more you try to please others and look for their approval, the more you will strive to be what others expect you to be and want you to be.
Trying to please everyone moves you away from yourself and you begin to lose your individuality.
Why is it so important that others like you? Is it to raise your self-esteem, make you feel wanted, valued, loved?
But let’s think for a moment here — Doesn’t the opinion of others depend on how you view and accept yourself?
The thoughts about your own self, your confidence or diffidence emanate from you and they end up being captured by others. If you perceive yourself as stupid, and rude, others will see you in the same way. If you are constantly in doubts and you are unsure of trusting yourself, others will not trust you either.
Imagine going to the Doctor. He or she is a specialist, but he or she is very uncertain and hesitates for a long time what medicine to prescribe you. Will you trust this Doctor? Of course not. You will most likely look for another more competent Doctor who accurately and convincingly will offer treatment. In fact, the first physician may be more competent, but his or her low self-esteem and self-doubt causes you to create the opinion of him or her that is not good enough. And all this comes from the radiated energy of his or her thoughts and actions.
Have you ever gone to a gathering for the first time, worrying about what others will think of you, how will they perceive you?
The reality is that they will think about you exactly what you think about yourself.
Others form their opinion about you based on the thoughts that you emanate out of your own self-acceptance.
Then if you want others to accept you as a competent, respected, knowledgeable, valuable person, please “refer to” to yourself as such. Build more confidence in yourself, so you can allow others to trust you.
What you need to do is change your attitude towards yourself, begin to place a higher price on yourself, believe in your own self-capabilities and love yourself. When you change your mind about yourself, you will be surprised that the attitude of others towards you will change as well.
In fact, how do you hope that those around you will make you feel more valuable, if you think that you are not worthy and of value?
The process is rather the opposite — others would not raise your confidence, yet when you change your self-reflection that will change other’s opinions and attitudes towards you.
Everything starts from you. But not as you strive to be what others want you to be while you “customize” yourself according to their needs, but by being yourself and by valuing yourself.
Of course, not everyone will like you, not everyone will approve of you. And that is perfectly okay. But being you, believing in yourself, valuing yourself, you will find true friends who like you as you are. You will not need to pretend to be someone else and to imitate yourself to his or her liking.
The “evaluation” of others about you is not an indicator of your value. Your value is determined by your own opinion about yourself.
Everyone is entitled to an opinion and if someone does not approve of you or your actions, do not take it personally.
Sometimes you want to start something new, and people around you will try to weaken you with comments such as: “you will not make this happen”, “you will not be successful,” “you’re all over the place,” “you don’t know what you want,” “you keep trying things and never finish anything” and so on.
Do not let other’s opinion manipulate you. No matter how crazy you may seem to others, keep moving forward. This is your road and your action plan for success. Everyone’s path in life is different and very rarely others understand your self-discovering process.
Believe in yourself! The fact that others are afraid and have restrictive mental barriers and that they are subject to common belief, should not stop you. Remember that many successful people have tried something new, without being afraid of the unknown and by trusting their own selves.
To succeed, you must be deaf to the views and opinions of others. The truth is that to achieve something different, you have to become something different, to be unique, and not to follow the beaten track.
Have you ever stopped yourself because of the thought “what will people say?” When doing something new, different from conventional wisdom or something unknown, people always talk, gossip, criticize, “spit,” accuse, deny, become jealous for the fact that one day you might be successful.
Yet because of others, will you deny your own self in pursuit of your own happiness?
In the name of what? Merely to be liked by others?
Do others know what is best for you? Can any of them know what will bring true happiness and satisfaction to you that will fulfill your life? Does anyone else know what lessons you need to learn throughout life, so you can grow?
The answers to all these questions are in you, not in others as “knowledgeable “as they might be.
People will always have something to say, comment on, disapprove, and blaspheme. But does this mean that you have to dissuade yourself?
And do you think that you could always do as what others want you to do and be? Can you please everyone? Will their applause make you happy?
I think that you cannot be happy because of that.
Even the greatest inventors, scientists and people with progressive ideas have their opponents. That does not make them give up on who they are to make sure that everyone “likes” them. On the contrary, they defend themselves, their opinions, and at the end of the day, they win more supporters.
For those who are different, they pave new roads:
– They are either declared by society for being crazy or
– They become leaders
In most cases, they go through the stage of criticism by other, so they can achieve acclamation.
In any case, people who are independent of the opinions of others and are confident in their own selves and their actions introduce new ideas and real changes of life.
The paradox here is that when they have an independent opinion of others, they begin to be more liked by people.
The bottom line for me is one.
Everything starts from you. All the answers are within you.
So just be yourself, believe in yourself, cherish and love yourself.
And let people talk as much as they want.
Enjoyed reading? Please share. We are in this world to help one another. All of us grow faster when we support each other. I encourage others to add value to the world, so we can make compounding ripples of improvement for everyone.
About The Author
Dr. Mila is an internationally known Change Catalyst. She teaches individuals and organizations about awareness, connection, and the need for change – personally, socially, and professionally.