We’re all adults right?
Yes and no.
Outwardly we are and we have the physique and perhaps the academic qualifications to prove it — but there’s much more going on than that!
We all have a part of our psyche/mind which is called our Inner Child.
He or she lives deep inside us and is the echo of who we once were as a child.
He or she carries our beliefs about ourselves based upon the sense we made back then of our experiences, and what we heard about ourselves, and how we were valued and cared for.
This is the place of our greatest emotional and psychological wounding, and it has shaped our sub-conscious beliefs which now direct our behaviour —out of our awareness — about 90% of the time, whether at home, in all of our relationships, on our travels and of course at work.
If you experienced childhood trauma — or Adverse Childhood Experiences this will have left an imprint upon your impressionable inner child. An emotional wound that still weeps in the present day. Our wounds show themselves in all aspects of our lives.
Even though your inner child won’t have been wounded at work they will show their early wounds there — affecting your decisions, reactions and consequently your work and business relationships,
How can your wounded inner child affect you at work and in business?
All in all…you aren’t free to just get on and do your best and get the job done!
Your emotional wounds are being activated on the job and you aren’t operating from your more stable, reliable, competent ‘adult’ state of mind.
How can your free and natural inner child benefit you at work and in your business?
It’s not all bad news having your inner child at work with you!
It depends upon how emotionally healthy and healed they are.
Having a happy inner child who doesn’t have a need to behave in the ways above will instead free up a huge amount of positive energy which brings great rewards. Such as:-
What can you do to have your inner child work for you and not against you?
We also need to follow the steps to psychological healing and transformation.
I have created an acronym (my inner child LOVES acronyms!) — it’s called .S.E.L.E.C.T. Your Life © and it underpins my therapeutic mentoring work:-
Self-awareness — of how your Inner Child turns up at work, and the effects this has upon you, others and your business/job. There’s no need or place here for any self blame about that — just have a willingness to see how your inner child is involved in how you perceive, imagine, think, feel, speak and behave
Education — about how your inner child has developed and any Adverse Childhood Experiences (and your A.C.E. score out of the 10 types of traumatic experiences used in the A.C.E. research), which have shaped who you’ve since become. This includes you at work — and to normalise this in light of what you find out about your past conditioning and sub-conscious programming
Learning new skills — specifically for the workplace these might include clearer communication, team building, self management/time/priority and goal setting, presenting, monitoring and evaluation. All very ‘adult’ skills that are necessary in business and the workplace
Emotional balance & intelligence — being better able to notice, listen and empathise. Keeping your own emotions within the healthy bandwidth and being attuned and responsive to the emotional expression (or lack of it) from the people around you
Control clarity and choice — become the clear, confident, competent, caring, approachable and supportive team-mate or boss that you would like to have for yourself.
Transformation — this might involve a few stumbles and backward steps — but to stay committed to being the best you can be at work by taking the best care of your inner child. Having them working for, and not against, you will transform your results and bring you much greater success in all areas of your working life.
The take-away from this is that your inner child is always with you, and will show themselves in your habitual out-of-awareness behaviours. These shape your life and set up self-fulfilling prophesies.
You have the choice to make these prophesies either helpful or a hindrance to you.
You alone can truly connect and commit to healing your inner child, and to take responsibility for ‘re-parenting’ them and in meeting their future ongoing needs, and thereby healing their old emotional wounds. I call this ‘Care & Repair From The Inside Out ©’.
You can then happily take them to work with you knowing they will enhance and not hinder your success!
Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR
www.maxineharley.com Where you will find a page of FREE RESOURCES to help you to understand your inner child’s affect upon your life and what you can do about it — and how to heal from a troubled childhood.
There’s also an inexpensive self-help online course called How To Sort Out Your Business Brain — without coaching!’
www.maxineharleymentoring.com — helping women to understand and manage their emotions, boundaries and behaviours — to FEEL better, so they can BE, DO and HAVE better!
www.the-ripple-effect.co.uk — 10 online self-help workshops to help you to help yourself to understand and manage a wide range of emotional and psychological topics (e.g. stress, anxiety, depression, anger)
Originally published at lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk on November 2, 2015.
Originally published at medium.com