“Is this text for me?”—that is what a friend asked after I sent along the words: “You really are something special! I loved you before the call, and love you more after.”
Yes, it was for her. She had cheered me up.
Her surprise at my gratitude made me even happier! I had given her a small but significant gift when I let her sense the fullness of my appreciation.
My text wasn’t odd enough that she could blame auto-correct for my affirmation, like when my lawyer sister texted her client, “I really want your thighs,” and he knew she just wanted his thoughts.
My text was a big kind of nice. So her first response entailed disbelief—”Who, me, couldn’t be—that is too good to be for little, flawed me!”
She, like all of us, isn’t used to someone’s appreciation being boldly declared.
When a big warmness runs through us and we feel grateful, we tend to stay quiet. Even with those we find super-duper. When we notice a little something that is good, humorous, or beautiful, and we don’t know the folks around us, we normally leave without uttering a word.
In her book Love 2.0 psychologist, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson discusses how our brains, bodies, emotions, and overall well-being get a boost when we positively connect. She defines love as feeling of warmth and connection that we can experience in micro-moments, even with people we don’t know.
Dr. Fredrickson points out—when we move into warmth and connection we become more open and flexible. We feel inspired. The inspiration unites instead of divides. We start to create from this positivity.
We already know the surge of positivity she writes about—making a joke in line at the store, exchanging waves with a toddler, receiving an unexpected compliment, sharing news with a neighbor when we pick up the post. And of course, sharing wonderfulness with the people who are big in our lives.
Heart to heart we boost!
Let’s have it become very normal to say, text, email, what’s funny and fabulous. Let’s take the time to positively connect for a second or two with those we know and don’t know. There is always something to be noticed and shared that is worthy of highlighting. We can create fleeting but worthy connections, and deepen ones that already exist.
I try to let friends, families, and strangers know what I notice that warms me up. Those positive thoughts that pop up are meant to be shared. It’s my duty—in the best sense of the word—to pass them along as they arise. Are they even mine to leave unspoken?
So when my friend’s laugh and wisdom picked me up, I told her. I wanted her to know. I wanted her to know that her marvelousness is marvelous.
What about positively connecting this week via text or in person so another person is surprised enough to ask: “Is this text for me?” “Are you talking to me?”. Or when you notice something that is good and you want to make note, don’t leave the moment behind. Speak to it and bring another into the moment, into connection. I can’t wait to hear about it. #hearttoheartweboost