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IS IT OK TO KEEP EXPECTATIONS ?

When we talk about the human mind, the need and want conflict is always present. But now, to consider what does it lead to ?The answer is pretty simple , no matter if the goal is achieved or not, one thing that definitely shoots up is EXPECTATIONS. To start off with a simple situation, of […]

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Source: PranThira / Shutterstock
Source: PranThira / Shutterstock

When we talk about the human mind, the need and want conflict is always present. But now, to consider what does it lead to ?The answer is pretty simple , no matter if the goal is achieved or not, one thing that definitely shoots up is EXPECTATIONS.

To start off with a simple situation, of a mother sending her kid to school. Here, the basic expectation that the mother will be having is that, the kid will gain education, good morals and would be able to face the world. Talking about a social scenario wherein, an intern is employed in a company he/she is expected to do good to the firm. EXPECTATION in literal terms means something that would happen in the near future.

JUST STOP EXPECTING : YOU WILL BE HAPPY.

said by almost everyone…

Have we ever thought about this relation between happiness and expectation? Why do we say the lesser the expectation, the happier we are? What is the thought process behind this concept? The people who give this advice, do they follow the same ?

The theory of Jean Piaget noted that young children have difficulty in distinguishing between the subjective worlds in their minds and the outer, objective world. According to the theory, children sometimes believe that their thoughts can directly cause things to happen — for instance, if the child is angry about something, or maybe he just fought with his brother. Then there are chances of him to fall down the stairs as his brain is distracted. Piaget referred to this as MAGICAL THINKING  and suggested that we all outgrow it by around age 7.

So, to understand in simpler terms, MAGICAL THINKING  is basically the belief that one’s own  wishes, thoughts or desires can influence the external world. It is common in very young children.

Now to further add upon this theory , my view is this concept does not just end at the level of childhood. When we consider adults , I feel many at times because of the magical thinking ( the world should go according to my wish ) concept we end up having expectations.

WHY BECOME A VICTIM OF OUR OWN EXPECTATION?

Humans have this natural tendency of pinning up hopes, by expecting something. We think fulfillment of our expectation will lead to happiness. Whereas, we don’t realize about the situation when one is not able to fulfill his/her expectations. That is when the human mind slowly slides into depression and anxiety.

One must understand just expecting things to happen is not the only step. Working towards that goal and then finally letting your luck play the game is important. The process does not end here.

ACCEPTANCE of failure is also important as everything does not work according to our magical thinking.

EXPECTING SOMETHING FROM OTHERS ? TILL WHAT EXTENT IS THIS CONCEPT GOING TO WORK ?

The perfect example of this case will be the relationship between a couple. There are many situations wherein, the two fight as one is not able to fulfill the other’s expectation.

For example: Raghav and Anusha have been in a relationship for the past couple of years. Anusha thereby feels that, because of the time duration that they have spent together, Raghav should understand what she wants.

This is the first expectation that almost everyone has. ” MY PARTNER SHOULD KNOW WHAT I AM FEELING.”

Toxic Positivity is Problematic.

You will encounter problems, you will have bad days and you will experience negativity. It is not the negativity that gets us down but our shock at experiencing negativity. ‘Why is this happening to me?” is the most common question we ask to our own self.

We should understand the fact that everyone have their own problems in this busy world. We feel the only way to calm our mind from the chaos is to go and talk to someone special, who would sit and understand as to what we are going through. There is a little mistake we do over here. The point that we start expecting a lot from that special someone. We tend to act possessive, behave in a different way when someone else gets close to them or just fight when they don’t understand what is going on in our mind !( which is completely silly )

The point that we expect something from someone is completely alright. Does this expectation have any limit ? To answer this we need to just keep one thing in mind.

Except for our own self, nobody can fulfill our expectations. We should make our own selves independent so that we do not actually need anyone else to fulfill our wishes.

This happens at times when, we expect someone to react to the situation the same way we do. The fact that the two are different individuals, one should not expect them to think the same way we do. Let’s take up an example: suppose I have got a new job in a big firm. The first thing I think of doing is to text the person I am close to and tell them about the offer. At this point of time I am very excited and would have imagined the way that person would react. This is not an imagination but it is my expectation. Now if that person replies to the message in a different ( non enthusiastic) way, then I will feel bad because it was not as I expected.

FUN FACT: We are in this world wherein even if we search about the biology behind expectations on the internet. The results will show you the expectations that institutions have from biology students.

Now if we think that ” from now I will stop expecting anything “. Then reality check : it does not happen. We being humans, we do expect .

When can we say that the expectation we are keeping is positive? Does positive expectation even exist?

Lets consider a situation in which, a teacher has a group of 50 students in her class. Amongst these children there are these two faces, which catch the teacher’s eye. We all know who will the two be. Yes! Guessed right. One is the smartest kid and the other is the most notorious. The point to be noted here is that, the teacher judged these two kids on the basis of their behavior in class. As all humans would think, even she fixed up her mind according to her observation that the notorious kid won’t perform well in academics. So, she never expected that this kid would do well in academics.  Due to this mindset she always took the kid very lightly (neglected) and never motivated the kid to study. On the other hand the smart kid was getting all her attention and support. Soon, it was noted that the performance of the notorious kid started declining in that subject, while he scored in the rest.

By this situation we can say that, if a person (here, the teacher) believes in the other person( here the notorious kid ). Then he or she can achieve their goals. Whether it’s a teacher, friend, relatives or for that matter even parents should believe in believing.

The Pygmalion effect, or Rosenthal effect, is the phenomenon whereby others’ expectations of a target person affect the target person’s performance.

The Pygmalion Effect explains that people tend to perform up to the level that others expect of them. This effect explains why our relationships are usually self-fulfilling prophecies. Once you set expectations for somebody, that person will tend to live up to that expectation, whether it’s good or bad.

So why fall in the cycle of expectation and disappointment? It’s hard to tell our own self to not expect things from someone who is so close to you. But sometimes, it is the right thing to do. There are some situations when the partner backfires due to frustration and unknowingly just says: DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ME OR JUST STOP EXPECTING. By this little sense of expectation, we tend disrupting our mental peace and the partner’s too. Be happy with what u have. Keep positive expectations, that always have a positive aura around your own self.

THINK POSITIVE : LIVE POSITIVE.

end.

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