When a divorce is being bitterly contested we forget everything else, except the case. The case completely consumes us, and we live eat and breathe the case. Initially the case seems like a distinct entity, almost alive, but alienated from us. But as time progresses and especially in extremely long drawn out cases the distinction gets blurred and before we realise it-the case becomes us. We speak about it almost as a distinct part of us with the possessive pronoun MY CASE- rather than stating, the case filed in court.
The use of the possessive pronoun to describe it states how we feel about it and what it really means to us. The divorce case become our life. It’s as though without it, we would cease to exist, a personal crusade of sorts in which we must absolutely win at all costs. Each date we trudge to the court expecting justice and to triumph over the other side because the decision in court becomes a character certificate and validation of the belief that-I AM RIGHT and HE/THEY ARE WRONG. There’s a certain guilt attached to missing a date as though we have purposely ignored our ailing child.As a litigant we will organise our calendar around the dates in court and readjust our work, social commitments, and the question of readjusting our time for leisure doesn’t arise because once we are joined at the hip to our court case all leisure and relaxation goes out of the window.
But it’s the divorce matter dragged endlessly in court that impacts our health- emotional, physical and spiritual. I put on so much weight whilst my divorce was going on that it is a miracle that I didn’t collapse and lived to tell the tale. We keep waiting for the justice in court, which in India takes its own sweet time and in the meantime we keep ignoring all other aspects of our LIFE.
We tend to forget that the divorce case is a minuscule part of our life and the court is a subset of our life and not vice versa. Before we filed for divorce we had a life-friends, family, work, leisure activities, spirituality-all are relegated to the bin marked-after my case is over. How long the case takes to get over is almost anybody’s guess, in contested cases which can last sometimes as long as 10 years or more we may still feel that justice has not been served in court. So do we keep putting all that is precious to us in life just for the sake of a divorce case?
Do we plan to live our life after the case is over? Unfortunately, that is what a majority of us end up doing but we can always make a change. Our April-May-June resolution should be to remember that there is life beyond the case and we better hurry up and implement it or you will be left wondering, like me, about where the time went and end up writing an April resolution in May…spilling over into June.
Till next time keep living life Queensize