This is impostor syndrome.
Here I share my 7 tips for getting over your impostor syndrome.
RECOGNISE YOU DO IT
The key to making positive changes in your life is knowing and accepting what you need to change. I had a friend that was amazing at interviews, she had a nearly 100% success rate. But she still told herself she was rubbish at interviews. You don’t get more evidence to the contrary than this! Do you find yourself doing this? Do you think you’re just winging it? Then you probably have an issue with impostor syndrome.
I FEEL SOMETHING THEREFORE IT MUST BE TRUE
Do you let your heart rule your head? Do you think your feelings and emotions most be trying to tell you something? Just because you feel a certain way doesn’t necessarily make it true. If you feel like a failure, it doesn’t mean you are. If you can’t understand why you passed your driving test, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have. Your thoughts and feelings aren’t always based on the truth. You don’t have to believe everything that pops into your head.
ACCEPT YOURSELF FOR THE GOOD AND THE BAD
Often we think we have to be absolutely perfect at everything or the best at everything to be good enough. It’s just not possible. We are human. We make mistakes. We make errors in judgement. That’s life. But if you find yourself beating yourself up for every little mistake or failing you are doing yourself a massive injustice. Practise being kind to yourself. And accept yourself for the good, bad and ugly.
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
You can look at mistakes in two different ways. You can see them as a failing or see them as an opportunity to grow. If you never made a mistake, you would never learn, grow and develop. It’s the only way to learn. Stop telling yourself you aren’t allowed to make mistakes. Setting ridiculously high standards for yourself leads to burnout, depression and anxiety.
If you are anything like I used to be, you might see asking for help as a weakness. You might not believe you deserve help. You might not know how to ask for help. But we al need help from time to time and it’s so important for our well-being. Asking for help doesn’t make you any less able. It means you understand yourself well enough to know your limitations. And that’s okay.
GIVE YOURSELF VALIDATION
Do you constantly seek approval from other people in order to feel good enough? You needed to be giving yourself that pat on the back. And you need to be doing it consistently. Every day think about how hard you have tried, think about all the effort you have put in that day. Quit telling yourself off for not being good enough or not doing enough. This does you no favours.
Do you panic about getting found out? Start imagining what you want to happen rather than what you fear might happen. Take 30 minutes a day to visualise yourself feeling confident, in control and calm. Rather than imagining terrible things happening because you might get found out for being a fraud.
Naomi Buffery is a Social Anxiety coach. After living most of my with social anxiety and assuming it was a part of my personality, I dedicate my life now to helping others find the way out like I did.
If you are living with Social Anxiety and it’s having a big impact on your life, join my FREE training starting on 13th January 2020