As we start to make our descent towards the end of 2020, we have all of us spent most of this last year living very differently, all freedoms where put on hold so to speak.
One way I found solace during these sometimes-restrictive times was to put pen to paper… I found and have always found writing to be a deeply healing and transformational modality. And there are no masks, or restrictions or wrong way of living, I was able to live through the words in a truly unbound way.
I believe that many of us have been called to share their stories during these times, whether those took place over the last 6 months, or your life’s journey. And perhaps you should check out my latest book Unbound Writing if you feel called to so…
So, how can you make 2021 your year of magnificence? Ask yourself, are you unbound or living your life to the fullest?
Well, if you crave freedom beyond all else and you’ve been consciously unbinding yourself from the old, restrictive enchantments you were brought up with, then the chances are you are.
In fact, you’ve most likely felt like Gulliver for much of your life, tied down by a whole load of Lilliputian rules and stories and beliefs. The desire to break free of those ties is strong.
Can you feel it?
When you recognise and embody your true unbound nature, you access an unlimited source of power within you.
But, the very nature of the Unbound Woman means that she can be tricksy to define.
(Because, of course, she’s not bound by traditional labels or expectations). However, there are some very clear (and often uncomfortable) signs that show you are, or are becoming, an Unbound.
1) The unexpected guilt of having a freedom schedule
Being is not celebrated in our culture. Doing is. So, having an excess of ‘free’ time can feel decidedly unusual and somewhat alienating.
And let’s face it some of us have been lucky enough to have been given the gift of actual time, and when the world ground to a halt, did you feel that…
‘Surely I should be doing something?’
‘Surely I should be working harder?’
These are the kind of questions the Unbound Woman might find herself pondering upon.
Because she has consciously created a life where it’s not all go, go, go. She desires time and space and that’s exactly what she’s given herself.
But a part of her can feel guilty about this.
It’s the same guilt you might feel if you were playing hooky from school or taking a sick day from work. You see everyone else rushing around doing lots of ‘stuff’ (most of which they clearly don’t enjoy) whereas you are wandering through the park, appreciating the warmth of the sun on your skin and experiencing the stunning richness of each moment.
‘Hmmm, surely this can’t be right?’ You might think to yourself.
But it IS. Like I said, you consciously created this. The Unbound Woman needs time and space to expand, to tune into new insights and ways of being.
Remind yourself of this. You’re blazing a trail and creating a brand new normal, both for yourself and for all the other women who will be inspired by you (and they will).
2) Feeling isolated
The uncomfortable truth is that very few people will ‘get’ the Unbound Woman. Her way of being in the world does not compute for the majority of folks. This means she can feel isolated and freaky (in a ‘Do I actually belong on this planet?’ kinda way).
And this is when doubts can arise. Because we like to be one of the tribe. In fact, our survival used to depend on it.
You might find that even those close to you, your family and friends, can have a hard time understanding what you actually do, how you make your money and how you spend your time. So it’s vital to make sure you have people around you who DO get you. The Unbound Woman needs mentors, guides and friends who are on the same path. She needs to be surrounded by other trail-blazing, freedom-seekers. Whether that’s virtually or in person.
My advice, gather your people and call in your tribe, because when you allow yourself to be fully seen, heard and understood, it’s like floating in a warm ocean; you feel beautifully buoyant, completely supported and free to move however you choose.
3) There are no words
For the Unbound Woman trying to explain what she brings to the world is a challenge in itself.
She has SO much to offer, countless skills, a wealth of experience and a subtlety that can’t be summed up by mere language. And this can be immensely frustrating.
People ask her ‘What do you do?’. We can all reel off the various skills we’ve acquired over the years:
‘I’m Nicola and I’m an author, coach, hypnotherapist, emotional freedom technique and matrix reimprinting practitioner, therapist, energy worker’. But they’re simply labels (and quite the mouthful!)
You can even try to put into words who you help and how:
‘I help women write the book they’re REALLY here to write and share their magic with the world in the most potent way’.
But still it doesn’t quite communicate the REAL power of what you bring to the world.
What you do and who you are in the world is limitless, luminous and multi-faceted. So it’s no wonder you’ve been struggling with the traditional ways of sharing your gifts.
You have to let go of the ‘normal’ advice and invoke your power as an Unbound Woman. When you do that and when you trust that whatever you say or write will have a magical, magnetic energy (because it will), you’ll attract your people to you in the most unexpected ways.
4) Your attitude to money can trigger others
The Unbound Woman is very aware of the energetic nature of money. She IS abundance and she chooses to experience this quality in all areas of her life – love, health AND money.
She’s done the work on her own money stuff – the deeply ingrained stories she was brought up to believe. She’s cleared a lot of shiz about her ability to allow money into her life and consequently she doesn’t play by the old, limiting rules.
She knows the value of what she brings to the world and she charges accordingly.
She doesn’t want to work all the hours. She chooses to be well paid for what she does. And that’s how she’s set herself up.
Consequently people can get triggered by her attitude to money and her ability to create unbound wealth. Because most people haven’t done the same amount of work when it comes to their money stuff.
This means that as you expand into your most abundant, Unbound Self, you may well attract criticism and downright vitriol from other people about your prices and your chosen lifestyle. This is a drag.
But it’s okay. Because YOUR people will recognise the immense value you bring and will be more than happy to pay you accordingly.
5) The need to make choices and figuring out what you actually want
This might not seem like a big challenge. I mean, heck, we all make countless choices every day. It’s no drama.
But the Unbound Woman is continually making BIG choices.
- How do I truly want to live my life?
- Who do I truly want to spend my time with?
- Where do I truly want to live right now?
Most people cling to the familiar, living their lives doing the same thing day in, day out, year in, year out. This makes life eminently easier. And being stuck indoors physically will have only served to bring out the cabin fever felt by the Unbound.
When there are no limits, choices have to be made and the Unbound Woman questions EVERYTHING.
She’s continually asking herself ‘What do I really want?’ And tuning into her true desires. This can lead her in unexpected (and unapproved of) directions.
It also means she can end up leaving loved ones behind.
This can be deeply uncomfortable. The Unbound Woman is committed to taking radical personal responsibility for every single area of her life. She does not shy away from difficult decisions.
So, yes, figuring out what you want and actually making choices based on that can be challenging, but it also allows you to be the magnificent being that you truly are. Worth the discomfort? I think so.
6) Holding the paradox
The Unbound Woman recognises and accepts that life is inherently paradoxical. She has learned that she is able to hold two seemingly opposing ideas at the same time. And, more importantly, she has given herself permission to do so.
Whereas the Inner Good Girl likes to have everything cut and dried, black and white, with clear, unwavering opinions, the Unbound Woman allows herself to change her mind, to move fluidly from one point of view to another and to contradict herself, sometimes within the same sentence.
And of course, this has its challenges. Some will judge her as flaky, muddled or crazy, but that’s because they’re not able to recognise the paradoxes that lie within them, the paradoxes that lie within all of us.
The Unbound Woman does.
And she is.
As an Unbound Woman you see that any ideas of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ are an illusion. So, you don’t get to sit back, comfortably on the ‘I’m right’ train. You have to continually tune into what feels good for you right now. And then carve your unique path accordingly.
7) Sitting in the void
The Unbound Woman has to learn how to sit in the void, the place of not knowing, the in-between.
Whilst the rest of the world dashes around, desperately trying to fill every last space in the day with doing, the Unbound Woman allows herself to be.
Over the years she has found herself in the void time and time again. And although it can feel deeply uncomfortable to reside there (because the urge to do, to figure it out and move forward is strong within all of us), she has recognised that the void is a hugely creative space.
In Gestalt therapy it’s called the Fertile Void, the place we come back to after action, the place we rest before setting off into another cycle of doing.
It’s the place where ideas begin to form and take seed. It can feel muddy and dark and damp.
And often we long to skip merrily past the void.
Because not knowing what comes next is terrifying. So, we pick something, anything and go with it.
But as an Unbound Woman you develop a tolerance for sitting here.
And as time goes on and you experience the cycle over and over again, you begin to relish the limitless unknowingness of the void.